True Facts About The Tapir

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[True Facts About The Tapir]

[Zefrank1] Source: LYBIO.net
Here are true facts about the Tapir. When all of the animals heard that Mrs. Tapir was going extinct, they decided to pay her a visit and see if they could offer her some advice.

Tiger was first and she said you have such lovely stripes, when you are a baby. You should keep them when you grow up then people might pay more attention to you. Tapir looked up from her paper and said, oh stripes are a bit childish don’t you think. I mean for a baby its fine, but adults need to be taken more seriously. Hmmm, said Tiger. I have stripes and people take me seriously. You know what I did yesterday? I chased down an antelope and I eat its intestines while it was still alive, started to scream, so I bit off its face. Oh, silly Tiger, said Tapir, but it was obvious that she’d already gone back to clipping coupons.

Next, came Pig, and Pig said, you’re chubby Tapir, but you should get fat, like really fat. I’m fat and humans love me. Tapir paused, but they eat you. Pig nodded knowingly and said, six of one, half dozen of the other. Tapir said, I don’t think you know what that means, Pig. But Pig smiled a knowing smile and replied, yolo, and then farted and backed out of the room making a low ooo sound to see mysterious.

Next came Elephant. Tapir, you should grow out that trunk of yours, like I did. Tapir said, gosh, no offense, but I’ve had work done to get it to this size, any bigger and it’s just embarrassing. Embarrassing, said the Elephant. You know what I just did, sucked the water from a kitty pool without bending my knees, drank half of it, took a crap and used the rest like a portable bidet. What’s a bidet, Tapir asked, but then quickly regretted the question when the live demo ensued.

Circus Bear came next and said, Tapir, I think I have the solution, entertainment. Come let me see that smile and Tapir smiled and Bear said, let’s walk back from the smiling. Can you do any tricks? Tapir shrugged, well, I have never thought silly hobbies were very appropriate for a grown Tapir, but I do have one trick. And Bear clapped, let’s see it, he said, all right. Oh, oh my. Holy, is that – oh, okay. Yup, there is the trick. Well, I don’t think this is suitable for my audience, but I do know some bears that run a live webcam show that might be interested. Tapir blushed, well, I don’t use the internet. Crosswords are plenty enough thrill for.

[Zefrank1] Source: LYBIO.net
Bird came next, but bird is an idiot. So we won’t talk about him. Hippopotamus on the other hand said, Tapir, I heard you can swim; you should hang out with us and be the bad asses of the water hole. People love that stuff. Tapir smiled, not to brag, but I’ve done a bit of a water ballet in my day and I’m no stranger to a good paddling. Hippo frowned. That isn’t really bad ass Tapir. Yesterday I had to kill a crocodile that bit my ass. Well, said Tapir that kind of rough housing isn’t allowed in the water. Besides, I wouldn’t be comfortable in a bathing suit all day anyway. And Tapir said thanks, but no thanks to all of the animals and closed her door. So she could watch Leno.

Just remember, if you never take any risks, like Tapir, you might just fade away.

True Facts About The Tapir. And Tapir said thanks, but no thanks to all of the animals and closed her door. So she could watch Leno. Complete Full Transcript, Dialogue, Remarks, Saying, Quotes, Words And Text.