Suck My News- Jessica Alba Preggers By Phillip Norris
And now for a SUCK MY NEWS special report.
This week it was announced that Jessica Alba’s Pregnant. This doesn’t come as a shock at all. The amount of man juice that has been brought into the world from dudes just thinking about Jessica Alba could of knocked up the entire country of Uganda.
It was only a matter of time before some of it landed in her. The other morning when i woke up and read the headline in the newspaper, I had to double check that the author of the article wasn’t captain obvious. Jessica Alba getting knocked up is about as shocking as finding out that Paris Hilton is not a virgin.
I would be more shocked to find out McDonald’s will no longer be serving the Shamrock shake on St. Patrick’s day. I would be more shocked if Richard Simmons announced that he preferred the company of men to woman.
I would be more shocked to learn that corned beef was not actually made from cows on the cob.
Haw who knows, I can be even be the father. Some people drink so much that they forget the end of the night. I drink so much that I forgot November.
I am supporting more children in more countries than Sally Struthers for Christ sakes. So Jessica if you expect to get a dime from me, you best get my ass on Morrey Povich cause until than I ain’t your babies daddy. And my welfare cheques will continue to go towards my first and only true love, booze.
And don’t even try to re-name you baby booze to trick me because I will drink it.
Well I am Phillip Norris ladies and gentleman and this has been a Suck My News special report.