SRF Comedy Switzerland Second DEVILLE LATE-NIGHT
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[SRF Comedy Switzerland Second DEVILLE LATE-NIGHT]
This is a message from the government of Switzerland
[SRF Comedy:] Source: LYBIO.net
Dear Mr. President, welcome to this introduction video about Switzerland. The sexiest country in Europe. Look at those mountains. Those big fat mountains. We’re not flat, like for example the Netherlands. They are so flat. Total disaster.
We have the best women. They’re all 10’s. Just look at our weather girl. Her name is Sandra Boner. Boner. And we also love to treat our women badly. Love it. We didn’t let them vote until 1971. In some places even until 1990. We grabbed them by the civil rights. And they let us doe it! It was great.
Switzerland is so clean. It’s terrific. Even our slums are pretty. We have the best flag. It’s a huge plus. You might know it. Your friends got their flag from us.
And like the KKK we also like to ride on horses and burn things.
Switzerland is very safe. We have no Mexicans here. Just look. No Mexicans here. No Mexicans there. Nowhere. It’s terrific.
We have the best military. Everybody says so. Even the Pope. We send him our best fighters. The Swiss Guard. Real tough guys. Look at those pants. Great style. You don’t like the EU? We hate it too. That’s why we invented Brexit. Switzerland was never a part of the EU. Never. Brexit should be called Shwexit or Swixit or Helvexit or Switzerleave… I just came up with that. Brilliant.
We love Russia. That’s why we built “Saint Moritz”. It’s a city just for Russians.
We’ve invented Dada, it’s poetry but it’s also rubbish. It makes no sense. You’ll love it.
Also, we invented Gangsta-Rap. This is Dj Bobo. He is our best rapper. Much better than Kanye. And he’s white.
Switzerland wins the Eurovison Song Contest every year. We just can’t help it. Twelve Points. All the time. We’re that good. It’s ridiculous.
Swiss people are very smart. In fact, we even invented a car named smart. Isn’t that smart? It’s a small car. But it’s great.
[SRF Comedy:] Source: LYBIO.net
America has Jazz, Switzerland has Jass. As a tribute to you, Jass has a Trump Card. We call it Trumpf. It’s the best card. Believe me.
We heard you want to get rid of Obamacare. Why not replace it with EXIT? It’s this organisation we have. It’s great. If you’re old and sick, they come and kill you. You should try it sometime. It’s fantastic.
You love gold? We love gold. We have tons of it. During World War II, the Jews gave it to us for save-keeping. They never returned – so strange – so we melted it. Like Fondue. Our national dish. We don’t eat it ourselves, we just sell it to tourists. They love it! So dumb.
Listen Donald. We totally understand it’s going to be “AMERICA FIRST”. But can we just say “SWITZERLAND SECOND”?
We don’t even want your money. We already have it. We keep it safe. We make sure nothing bad happens to it. Because that would be sad, right? So sad. Switzerland. Twelve Points.
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SRF Comedy Switzerland Second DEVILLE LATE-NIGHT. Swiss people are very smart. In fact, we even invented a car named smart. Complete Full Transcript, Dialogue, Remarks, Saying, Quotes, Words And Text.