Mrs. Betty Bowers Evangelicals And Christ NO COLLUSION
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— Mrs. Betty Bowers (@BettyBowers) April 29, 2019
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[Mrs. Betty Bowers Evangelicals And Christ NO COLLUSION]
[Deven Green:] Source: LYBIO.net
Quick! What’s the difference between an atheist and an evangelical? An atheist is honest about not following Jesus! Fellow, I gotta tell you: I’m getting tired of those jokes. And that’s why I’ve called you here today. America is gossiping about our relationship with Jesus. They’ve already guessed that we’re on a break.
How long before they find out that we’re not even on speaking terms? Yes, Franklin [Graham], you talk ABOUT Him. Don’t you ever?
(Do you ever…)
And, yes, Jerry [Falwell, Jr.], you talked TO Him. [When you need real estate or a pool boy…] But none of us LISTEN to Him. Frankly, I don’t like to be interrupted when I’m talking FOR Him. But the whole relationship has gotten inconvenient. The Libs keep throwing His words about those pesky poor people back in our faces. And using the Bible to make people feel bad about themselves is OUR job! Besides, it’s tough to pull off White Supremacy with such a suspiciously swarthy savior. Amirite?
Resolution: Evangelical shalt breaketh up with Jesus. Everyone in favor…
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yes.
OK, unanimous. OK, don’t worry. Let ME handle Him. JESUS! Make way. Make way. Oh, there you are. I almost didn’t recognize you. Yes, it’s been a while. Just sit there next to Mike. (Huckabee) Well, I’m glad you two are finally meeting. Ah, now, how do I start…
Jesus, it’s not you. It’s us. Because of YOU! And by “us” I mean your conservative American followers. I see you’re smirking at “followers”, Jesus. Well, can you blame us? We’ve just drifted apart… Your hobby is preaching about healing and helping. Ours is about… homosexuality and abortion. You’re right. And you never even mentioned either topic. Such an appalling oversight. I mean, what kind of CHRISTIAN are you? Which is why we’ve started seeing someone else. He says what we think. You say what we mock. “Give everything to the poor”?
F. GRAHAM: “Socialism is Godless.”
[Deven Green:] Source: LYBIO.net
Thank you, Franklin. Jesus, your whole bio is totally off-message. We hate refugees. You WERE one. Our new, improved Christianity 2.0 – it’s been in beta for centuries! It’s about GETTING not GIVING! Check out our clever slogan: “I’m so BLESSED!” Which is just a the polite way of tilling hungry humans OUR diets are voluntary because OUR God plays favorites. We’ve also corrected all your other careless suggestions, too. You’re welcome.
For example, “Do unto others BEFORE they do unto YOU!”. See? More on-brand. And with all our judging, divorcing, retaliating, praying in public, and greed it just got super-awkward to pretend we care about your Social Justice Warrior claptrap in the Gospels! OK… So we’re going to have to make an official announcement. Why? Because nobody will notice a change by how we act.
We’ll do one of those “it was mutual – we’re still friends” fake-news press releases. You can keep the Middle East. And as usual, we keep all the money we collected for you. But when it comes to Evangelicals and Christ: NO COLLUSION!
[Music]
Evangelicals Breaking Up with Jesus
Mrs. Betty Bowers is played by Deven Green
Mrs. Betty Bowers is created & written by Andrew Bradley
Jeery Falwell, Jr. was played by another fake Christian
Franklin Graham was played by another fake Christian
Mike Huckabee was played by another fake Christian
Produced & Edited by Andrew Bradley
Produced, Filmed & Sung by Deven Green
©2019 Andrew Bradley
All rights reserved.
Follow Better on Twitter: @BettyBowers
Follow Deven on DevenGreen.Com
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Mrs. Betty Bowers Evangelicals And Christ NO COLLUSION. You can keep the Middle East. And as usual, we keep all the money we collected for you. But when it comes to Evangelicals and Christ: NO COLLUSION! Complete Full Transcript, Dialogue, Remarks, Saying, Quotes, Words And Text.