LA Turtle Alcohol And My Life
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[LA Turtle Alcohol And My Life]
[WARNING EXPLICIT LANGUAGE]
[LA Turtle:] Source: LYBIO.net
So, I recorded something earlier on my phone, I know it’s foggy it’s actually cracked. Kind of vaguely explaining, briefly explaining where I’ve been at, where I’ve been mentally, um… my struggles with alcohol for a very long time. Um… Being honest with myself and if you don’t give a shit that’s fine. Um… I’m doing this for me and for my loved ones, my family, the girl in my life, my closest friends people that have had to deal with this with me, most importantly I’m doing this for me. I’m doing it now because I need to do it now.
I need the now to be today. I need to post this. I need to be able to watch this and know that was the day; and I feel a lot better saying that honestly, a hell of a lot better saying that; and if you want to watch it that’s fine but I’m definitely going to watch this again.
I’ll be talking about this more, I’m hoping in the next few days, kind of where I’m at as things come up emotions that I have, emotions that I felt in the past I’ve been dealing with this for a very long time, with very few people I haven’t let people in. I haven’t let people help and I’d haven’t left myself – I haven’t even given myself a chance and I need to just fucking do this.
I need to post this and here it is.
I’m not going to get into the specifics of my relationships, girlfriend, family, my friends, myself but the pain what I’ve caused, what I’ve lost, the guilt, the pain it’s un- it’s the deepest type of it’s the deepest thing I’ve ever felt. It’s unbearable, it’s 24 hours a day, 60 minutes an hour, every second of every day I’m thinking about it.
The only way to get out of it; a day feels like a year, the only way to get out of it is to numb it with alcohol.
And I wake up in the morning and I’ve made it worse, for somebody, for myself, for a relationship with somebody, my family, my girlfriend. I fucked something up a job made it worse and it gets worse, the pain gets deeper, the guilt gets deeper, and I have to numb it again.
I wake up every morning like I’m not going do it, I can’t do this to people. I can’t do this to myself; after about a half hour I can’t take it anymore, and the cycle goes on and on and on and it’s been happening since 2012. Since I was about 23, 22 I can’t do it anymore today needs to be the day.
[LA Turtle:] Source: LYBIO.net
I’m making this video, I need to be honest with myself, if you don’t give a shit about any of this that’s fine. Okay? If you do, great, I’m making this for myself for my family, my friends, my girlfriend, my ex-girlfriend. I’m making this for the people out here that have been wondering where the hell have been, people that need to hear it. I need to hear it, I’m making it for myself, I need to tell people that I have not been okay.
The pain has been huge, I’ve not been okay. And I’ve made other people not okay in the process of not being okay. And I’m not okay with that, okay? The pain is huge, and I cannot stop thinking about it and I feel so much better after making this video. Instead of feeling like a negative 1000 I feel like negative 900.
I need to start today now with this video – putting this video up I need to start now end this cycle. Okay? End this cycle, I need to re-watch this video, I need to watch it every day, end this cycle. I need my life back, I’ve not had a life in seven years. I have not lived a single fucking day. I’ve lost everything for myself. Nobody has taken it from me, I gave it away.
75% of the days in the last seven years I’ve gotten fucking hammered, to cover up the pain, the guilt, to try to reverse everything to feel like I used to feel, and I can’t do it I need to end this cycle today, right now.
It can’t be a constant thing anymore. I can’t live like this. It can’t be every second, I can do this, I need to start now.
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LA Turtle Alcohol And My Life. I can do this, I need to start now. Complete Full Transcript, Dialogue, Remarks, Saying, Quotes, Words And Text.