Jack Merridew My Experience As A Closeted Gay Athlete
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[Jack Merridew My Experience As A Closeted Gay Athlete]
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[Jack Merridew:] Source: LYBIO.net
So I was involved in sports since the age of six and you guys I know what everyone is going to comment below in the comment section. They’re going to be like Jack you’re just bottom. You’re so effeminate. You’re such a girl. You didn’t play sports blah blah blah because I know that I joke all the time about sports. I say that I’m un athletic. I say I have no hand-eye coordination, which – I’m fucking don’t have hand-eye coordination, okay. Like I mean look at my arms, ooh, looking muscular, lick me, daddy lick my armpit, ooh.
It’s all that important that’s why I said that. I don’t know why I said that.
But anyway you guys I was involved in sports from the age of six all up until – all throughout high school. So it’s funny because it was all throughout my closeted life. Like a second I came out of the closet like I burst out of the closet that was when I exited sports. And the sports I was involved in soccer, track and field cross-country, pole vaulting, all that shit.
[Jack Merridew:] Source: LYBIO.net
I’m sure a lot of you guys can relate to this okay, and a lot of people actually requested this a while back like I used to make a lot more like ‘my coming out video’, like my coming out story, I mean like four goddamn coming out stories.
Everyone leaves on me now because they’re like Jack you used to make really like pro-gay rights content. You said tell your coming out story and like you guys I can only tell it so many times.
But anyway, this was very requested in the past. I’m sure it’s still requested. I’m sure it’s still in demand to a certain extent.
So I’m going to be finally talking about it today. So get ready.
And I also just called my mom before sitting down to film this video and these were terrible.
This – a lot of these memories, which I’m going to get into were like the worst, the absolute worst.
Like my experience in soccer and how that ended, it was terrible. And I called my mom and I was like, mom, do I not remember it correctly?
Like, I remember the coach is being like borderline homophobic and like weird and saying things to me that I would never say to a kid.
And my mom was like, ‘oh yeah, they were awful’, because they ended up pulling me out of it. But I’m going to get into it, so stick around me if you are interested in hearing the story and let’s get right into it guys.
[Jack Merridew:] Source: LYBIO.net
So I joined – like I said, I’ve started playing soccer when I was six and I was good, like I was a really good kid.
And a few years before high school started, I was hands down the best on the team. I was the kid who would play all the time.
Like I was hated by the parents because I would be thrown in and I would never get taken out.
Like that’s how good I was and I’m not bragging about it like, ‘oh yes’, because that’s a huge accomplishment in my life. I was good at soccer when I was younger and I’m not bragging about it now. I just was good.
Like don’t hate the boy – hate the game mother fucker. No, I’m just kidding.
[Jack Merridew:] Source: LYBIO.net
But then one fucking season, I remember my parents wanted me to try out for this like premiere select team, whatever the fuck it was called.
Like you guys there’s Intramural, then there’s Travel B and then there’s Travel A then there is like Premiere and Select where you’re on a team that you could be at the – with the best teams in the state, the best kids in the state.
This was also mother nature decided to grant me the beginning of puberty. It was like, thanks for the gift God, thanks for the gift, Mother Nature, because puberty for gay man and I didn’t realize I was gay at the time, but it’s confusing.
I was thrown into a new team.
I didn’t know any of the kids.
I didn’t know the coaches.
I didn’t know any of the parents.
I didn’t know anyone…
[And thanks to good old puberty, I started realizing I was different from the other boys.]
[Jack Merridew:] Source: LYBIO.net
I was – I knew that something was different from me and these guys. These guys that all hit puberty already. They were all bigger than me. And they all seem to get along and they all related to each other and they all liked girls and they talked about girls.
Literally before the games and practice, I’d be like sick with anxiety because I wanted these kids to like me. I wanted them to – I wanted to be these kids. I wanted to be like these kids and I wasn’t.
[Jack Merridew:] Source: LYBIO.net
So I remember the first few practices, I felt awkward. I felt like, like I said, like I didn’t fit in and um – but it was okay, you know, it was okay because like I’m a little fighter and I will make things work, okay.
But I remember the problems started to arise when the coaches started screaming at me and it was only me.
I was the target.
They started putting me into a position that I didn’t play.
Like I was defense. That was what I grew up playing.
And suddenly the coach threw me in forward, which is a vastly different position and at practice and games. I didn’t know what the fuck I was doing because suddenly the competition was heightened.
And I was in a position where I didn’t know what the fuck was going on, so he would pull me out, the coaches would pull me out and they would scream at me, scream at me, and then they would bench me.
[Jack Merridew:] Source: LYBIO.net
And let me just say you guys – I understand that that may sound like these coaches were lighting a fire beneath your ass.
They were being coaches. You know, it wasn’t like that. I promise you, it wasn’t like that.
It was – it was inappropriate at times.
The things that they said, you know, you don’t – to a gay kid, you don’t shout at them. And I understand they didn’t know I was gay, but you don’t shout at a boy, you know, grow a dick, be a man, you know, stop dancing on the ball like a fucking fairy.
You don’t shout that to a boy because to a gay kid that’s damaging, like that is something that they carry with them.
[Jack Merridew:] Source: LYBIO.net
I already feel like I’m not manly enough to be here. But you shouting those things at me, you’re not helping me. I’m not like, oh yeah, let me grow a dick and get out there.
I already feel like I said like I don’t belong. I feel not masculine enough. I don’t feel like I fit in.
And you pointing that out to everybody, so that everyone can see.
I like retract into myself like I – I doubt myself.
I hate myself.
And as a coach, if you see a kid struggling, if you see a kid doesn’t fit in, if you see a kid is a little bit different, you know you don’t scream at them.
And you know if you’re screaming at them isn’t lighting the fire, beneath their ass, you fucking stop. You are a grown ass man.
When you realize it is hurting them, when you realize it isn’t helping them, you fucking stop.
It is your responsibility as an adult.
[It eventually reached a point where I avoided my teammates in school because I was embarrassed by what happened the previous nights at practice.]
#gayboyproblems
#shittycoaches
#instagay
[Jack Merridew:] Source: LYBIO.net
For a while everything was getting worse and everything was escalating and I – like I think my parents saw a shift in me.
They saw a shift that I suddenly hated sports.
I suddenly hated soccer. I suddenly dreaded.
I had no confidence. I dreaded going to practice because you guys, these two coaches never did anyone bullied me as bad as those high school coaches.
And I think coaches get away with bullying and get away with all that because they’re being hard on their team.
Never has anyone had such a negative influence on my confidence, such a negative impact on my self esteem then those two fucking grown ass men growing up.
[Jack Merridew:] Source: LYBIO.net
And if I would see them I would fucking spit in their face.
So like I said, I think my parents saw a shift in me. It was a huge fucking scene when they pulled me out because it was very public.
They screamed at my coach in the middle of the game and forced me to leave.
But you guys, I remember that day so vividly.
I remember where it was.
I remember it was a sunny day.
I remember the parking lot because we were at a soccer tournament and the parking lot had like loose stones and there was – you know those stupid wooden like fences, like I’ll try to put a picture.
I just remember all of that so vividly, but I could not tell you what my coaches said to me that one day.
I could not tell you what they screamed at me, but I do know they put me into one game and then pulled me out two minutes later and screamed at me and benched me.
[Jack Merridew:] Source: LYBIO.net
And I remember at halftime my dad stormed across the field and my mom followed him and he goes to my coach, ‘you are a fucking asshole’.
And I remember my coach put up his hands because I don’t know if he thought my dad was going to punch him, my dad should have fucking punched him, but my dad was like, ‘you’re a fucking asshole’. And then my parents were like, ‘we’re leaving’.
And there was this huge scene and you guys, everyone saw it. The other teams saw it. The referee saw it. All my teammates saw it.
And I remember I grabbed my stuff because my parents were yelling at my coach saying that I was going to leave.
I grabbed my stuff.
None of the other kids said bye to me. None of the other kids said a word to me. The coaches didn’t say bye to me. The parents didn’t say bye to me. No one said a Goddamn word to me.
As I stood there crying, silently crying, grabbing my stuff, I walked the entire way across the field with my parents.
[Jack Merridew:] Source: LYBIO.net
No one said a damn word, not a good buy, not and I hope you’re okay, not it’s going to be all right, nothing. No one said anything to me. That was one of like the worst moments growing up, walking across that field, crying in front of everyone.
You guys I walked back to the car crying.
I got in the car crying for two hours on the drive home.
I was crying.
And I remember thinking to myself like I tried to hide the fact that I was different.
I tried to hide the fact that I didn’t fit in that I didn’t belong.
And you know what?
I couldn’t.
These kids didn’t give me a chance. The coach didn’t give me a chance to fit in. I didn’t fit in. And if they didn’t realize that I didn’t fit in before, if they didn’t realize that I was different before, everyone fucking knows it now, everyone realizes it now.
[Jack Merridew:] Source: LYBIO.net
And then that was the last time that I saw most of those boys, never again that I see a lot of them.
I never saw, I never saw coach White again, I saw Johnny again at – there we have tryouts for something for my high school and I remember I ran into Johnny and he gave me like this weird little wave like he went like.
And this is how it starts.
It starts with the adults and when the adults behave this way, the kids behave this way, you know, so that’s the problem.
These people were just – they were the worst.
[Jack Merridew:] Source: LYBIO.net
The following season I tried out for a different team and I made it and I was playing the entire game, the entire game. It was the direct opposite because you guys, I wasn’t bad.
I was really good. It was just, I doubted myself because of the way these people constantly made fun of me and screamed at me and pulled me down, you know.
But that entire season I didn’t like soccer anymore, like ruined soccer for me.
So I quit soccer and I went on to track and field.
I went on to cross country. I went out to pole vaulting, all of that stuff.
And initially everything was great.
I just wanted to have fun, you know – but obviously I’m really competitive person and it like I forced myself to train harder.
[Jack Merridew:] Source: LYBIO.net
And it turned out that I ended up being put on Varsity because I was like fucking good and like I’m not bragging again.
But I was thrown on the Varsity where I had to run with all the older boys who are buffer than me and older than me.
We would go on eight mile runs because that’s what we did every single day.
And I remember again, I didn’t fit in and I was like why the fuck do I not fit in.
Okay and this is when I fully realize like, okay, I’m gay as shit.
On these eight mile runs, these boys would talk about like girls, fucking Halle Berry, Megan Fox, all these people and I’d be dead quiet on this entire eight mile run because what was I going to say?
Like, yeah, like I want to fuck Halle Berry, no, I want to fuck all of you.
Like that’s what I did. Like I was having fantasies. Like this was the first time I had the locker room fantasies with my teammates because the older boys were like beautiful.
And what was I going to say that to them, was I going to be like, well guys I don’t like Halle Berry. I like this guy who’s a running two feet away from me. I had jacked off last night, thinking about fucking him. Yeah. Woo, fast mile, guys. Can’t wait to share the next seven with you, woo.
Glad, we’re talking like no, I couldn’t say any of that.
[Jack Merridew:] Source: LYBIO.net
And one day I was running with a few boys and I remember they straight up asked me, they were like, so you’re gay, aren’t you? And I laughed and I didn’t answer because I thought they were joking.
But then there were like, no, like we’re serious, are you gay?
And I wanted to like, I wanted to laugh in their face like fuck yeah, dumb – dumbass, I was like look at me like there’s your answer.
But like I was like, nah, bro, I’m straight.
I’m just a little quiet.
I’m just a little shy.
But dude, it was just like – and that was when like all these people thought I was gay and I was sharing locker rooms with them as they changed into their skimpy little a track and cross country shorts.
The shorts were so short, but it was just like sports in general. It was just so weird. The whole experience was weird.
[Jack Merridew:] Source: LYBIO.net
And then I quit cross country and I quit track because I just felt – I felt weird and like I just felt like I – I hate saying this over and over again, but I felt like I didn’t belong and that’s just how I felt.
High school was just such a confusing time. It was weird.
It was such a transition for me and I was just over it.
I was over trying to be somebody that I wasn’t like.
I was over throwing myself on to these sports teams and not fitting in like I was done.
I didn’t care.
So I quit all sports and I started making YouTube videos because I was like, you know what, I belong somewhere, somewhere out there people understand me and I’m going to find those people.
And then I met you all and I finally belong somewhere.
[Jack Merridew:] Source: LYBIO.net
I finally fit in somewhere, people finally understood me and it felt amazing, so thank you. I love you all. You guys are pretty awesome.
So fucking hated those boys. I wanted them dead. I hated those pretty jock boys.
It was so easy for them and I hated them so much.
Like I said, I wanted the fucking dead, but I also wanted to make out with them. And that’s a story of my fucking life.
I want to make out with you, but I also hate you.
No, but seriously, they all had their pretty little plaques.
They all got pretty little plaques to hang on the high school athletic wall of fame. They’re pretty little fucking plaques and I never got one.
But you know what?
YouTube, send me one – 100k over here, bitch, what’s up? I think my plaques a little bit better. I think my plaque is a little bit more meaningful.
Parkland should hang my plaque on their damn fucking wall, you know but they never would, but I think I win.
I always win Jack, Titanic reference.
[Jack Merridew:] Source: LYBIO.net
No, but seriously, I want you guys to win too.
Don’t let anyone fucking disrespect you ever again. Don’t let anyone treat you. Don’t you dare let any coach, any man speak to you the way I let Johnny and coach White speak to me.
Don’t you dare let it happen.
Don’t you dare let anyone make fun of you.
Don’t do what I did.
Don’t walk around feeling like an outcast, being a little anxious boy, scared of everyone, don’t you dare do that.
[Jack Merridew:] Source: LYBIO.net
And all my little athletes out there, kick the straight boys asses. That’s all that I have to say.
Thank you guys so much for watching this video. If you don’t belong somewhere, you know what, that’s fine because you belong elsewhere.
And maybe – just maybe if you spend too much time trying to fit in somewhere where you don’t, you’ll pass up on discovering where you really do fit in.
[Jack Merridew:] Source: LYBIO.net
So that is my final message for you all.
Thank you guys so much for watching this video. If you want another video by me, comment below letting me know if you like this style of video, but comment on your thoughts.
If you want another video by me, last week I found my gay porn star boyfriend and he actually Tweeted to me and we may actually legit. Hang out. That is going to be a whole video series.
So if you’re interested in seeing the beginning of me discovering my gay porn star boyfriend, the link will be in the description box below, wooo fucked up the camera a little bit, sorry. And the week before, I will link below.
It’s a story time video. I love the video. It’s a story time about the first time I ever got my ass eaten by a guy. So that will also be linked below. Thank you guys so, so much for watching this video. I love each and every one of you. I thank you guys for making me feel like I fucking belongs somewhere because all my life I searched for it, but I seriously cannot thank you guys enough and you belong right here, right where you are. Right with me.
I love you guys. I understand you guys. I – you guys are the best.
So I thank you guys so much for watching. If you want to follow me on Instagram, it is jmerridew and my Snapchat is jmerridew as well and my Twitter is officialjackm. So, I love you guys and I will see you guys next time. Bye, guys.
[Connect and Follow Jack Merridew:]
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Jack Merridew My Experience As A Closeted Gay Athlete. If you don’t belong somewhere, you know what, that’s fine because you belong elsewhere. Complete Full Transcript, Dialogue, Remarks, Saying, Quotes, Words And Text.