Eddie Murphy Impersonating Bill Cosby
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[Eddie Murphy Impersonating Bill Cosby]
[Edward Regan “Eddie” Murphy (born April 3, 1961):] Source: LYBIO.net
Do you watch the Bill Cosby Show? Yeah! I do too. I love Bill Cosby’s show. I been a big fan of Bill Cosby all my life. Never met the man before, but he called me up about a year ago and chastised me on the phone for being too dirty on-stage. It was real weird, because I had never met him and he just thought it was… He should call me up, because he was Bill, and tell me that he did… About what comedy is all about. And I sat and listened to this man chastise me. And when Bill Cosby chastises you, you forget you grown. You feel like one of the Cosby kids and shit.
And I ran in the house all excited to talk to Bill and picked up the telephone and Bill got raw on me.
I was like, “Hello, Mr. Cosby?” And you hear:
“I would like to talk to you… …about some of the things that you do in your SHOW.” [Applause]
“Now, I’m going to tell you a story.”
He always tells you stories.
“I would like to tell you a story.”
“I have five children.”
“One, two, three, four, five.”
“Five… Five children.”
“I live in Massachusetts with my wife, Camille, and my five children.”
“NOW, of the five children that we have, there are four girls and a boy.”
“The boy’s name is Ennis.”
“He loves everything you do.”
“Comes home from school the other day with a big smile on his face.”
“And my son looks just like me.”
“He walks through the door, looking at me with this big smile, and I cannot resist, because it’s such a beautiful smile.”
“And he walks up and I say, ‘What are you smiling about?’ Awwww….
“And the child says to me:
‘I’m smiling because I need money to go see the Eddie Murphy show.”
‘Please give me money for a ticket.’
“NOW, if the child is smiling this way because he needs money for a ticket, I have to give him money for a ticket.”
“I do not handle the money in the house.”
“My wife, Camille, handles the ticket money.”
“So I must go into the kitchen, to where my wife is cooking dinner for the family.”
“And she is inside the kitchen cooking.”
“And she’s got a bowl.”
“And she’s cooking up the food, man.”
“And she’s cooking it up.”
“And the child walks in the room with the smile and he says, ‘Mother, please, money.’
She gives him the money, he runs off to see your show.”
“NOW, we sit in the living room waiting for Ennis to return.”
“At about: in the morning, the child comes through the door.”
“He has a different look on his face.”
“A look like he heard something at your show that he’s never heard before.”
“And I say to my child, I say, ‘Child…'”
“I say, ‘What did the man say on the stage?'”
“And he says, ‘Pop, the man comes out and says these things.'”
“I say, ‘Well, what did he say?'”
“‘Pop, he comes out and says some stuff.'”
“I say, ‘What did he do?'”
“Pop, he walks out and he goes: Hello, suck this, and MF and kiss my big black stuff.”
“And suck it and stick it down in your mouth and suck it, suck it.” [applause]
“You cannot say filth, flarn, filth, flarn, filth in front of people.”
And I say, “I never said no ‘filth, flarn, filth’.
“You know what I’m talking about.”
“I can’t use the type of language that you use, but you know what I mean when I say ‘filth, flarn, flarn, flarn, filth’.”
I say, “I never said ‘filth, flarn, filth’. “I don’t know what you’re talking about. I’m offended you called. Fuck you.” That’s when Bill got pissed and said:
“That’s what I’m talking about.” “You cannot say ‘fuck’…” “…in front of people.”
[Eddie Murphy:] Source: LYBIO.net
And I got mad. Because he thought that was my whole act. Like I just walked out on-stage and cursed and left. I manage to stick in some jokes between the curses. You couldn’t give no curse show. Walk out, say, “Hey, Felt Forum, “motherfucker, dick, pussy, snot and shit. Good night. “Good night. Suck my dick. Bye-bye.” I was pissed off. I was so mad I called Richard Pryor’s house up. I said, “Yo, Richard, Bill Cosby just called me up “and told me I was too dirty.” Richard said: “The next time motherfucker call, tell him I said, ‘Suck my dick.’
[Eddie Murphy:] Source: L Y B I O . N E T
“I don’t give a fuck.” “Whatever the fuck make the people laugh, say that shit.” He said, “Do people laugh when you say what you say?” I said, “Yes.” “Do you get paid?” I said, “Yes.” He said, “Well, tell Bill I said: ‘Have a Coke and a smile and shut the fuck up.’ “The Jell-O pudding-eating motherfucker.”
Eddie Murphy Impersonating Bill Cosby. The Jell-O pudding-eating motherfucker. Complete Full Transcript, Dialogue, Remarks, Saying, Quotes, Words And Text.