Dave Chapelle – Why Terrorists Won’t Take Black People As Hostage

Dave Chapelle – Why Terrorists Won’t Take Black People As Hostage

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[Dave Chapelle – Why Terrorists Won’t Take Black People As Hostage]

[David Khari Webber “Dave” Chappelle] Source: LYBIO.net
I’m serious. One time, racism saved my life, man. I was– I was on a plane. I was coming – I was coming from overseas. And… I don’t know how this guy got a machine gun on the plane, but he stood up, man. He said:

“Everybody! Get on the fucking ground. NOBODY LOOK AT MY FACE!”

I started freaking out. Cause he was Chinese. I was like, “Why is he talking like that?”

He was screaming and crying. I was the only brother on the plane– Well, I thought I was the only brother. I looked over, there was one other Black dude. He was from Nigeria. I looked over at him, he was looking right at my face, man. He didn’t say two words to me, he was like: (exhalation; gives thumbs up)

He didn’t need to talk. I knew just what he was talking about. I looked right back at him. I was like (gives thumbs up)

Some White dudes on the front of the plane seen us. They were like: (gasp) “Oh – Oh my God. I think those Black guys are gonna try to save us.” Mm-MMMM.
We were just communicating that we understood the situation. We were both seeing the same thing. What we understood was simple. Terrorists don’t take Black hostages.

That’s the truth. I have yet to see one of us on the news reading the hostage letters.

“Ah – Mm. They is treating us good. Uh, we all chillin’ and shit. I’d like to give a shout out to Ray-Ray and Big Steve in … and uh Newport.”

[Dave Chapelle] Source: LYBIO.net
You’re not gonna see it. Terrorists are smart. They know what they’re doing. They’re, you know… They’re terrorists. They know that Black people is bad bargaining chips. They call the White House, they say: “Hello. We have got five Black– Hello?”

I be back in D.C. You know what– You know what I was thinking, man? This– This is an election year. I’mma ask you, you a White guy, do you know who you’re voting for yet? Don’t know, do you? Now you see that? You see what just happened here? Let me tell you something, that is a cultural thing. He knows who he’s gonna vote for, he’s just not gonna tell me. See? I’ve noticed that. That is a cultural thing. White people do not like to talk about their political affiliations. It’s a secret.

You ever ask a white guy who he’s voting for? “Hey, Bob. Uh, Bob. Who you gonna vote for?” “Dave, Dave! Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Mmmm… Uh uh Take it easy now. Take it easy. So anyway, um… I was fucking my wife in her ass, right? And–and… I mean, it was something else.” “Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, but– but who are you voting for?” “Dave! Dave, come on with the voting. I’m trying to tell you about how I fucking my wife, and you’re asking me all these personal questions.”

They don’t like to divulge that information cause it matters to them. Black people talk about that shit. Black people will openly talk about politics. Black people will openly talk about *beating up* politicians and shit. “If I see George Bush, I’ll kick his motherfucking ass for cutting my Medicaid.” Whoa – They don’t care. They’ll just say it.

Black people will just say it. Black people will just say it. But there’s a reason for that. Because it matters more for th–. It matters more. Black people, see– see, even when I vote, right, which I don’t, but– but even when I, like, think about, like, who I would vote for, right? I don’t even look at their political policies. I just look at their character.

You know what I’m saying now? You gotta– no, I’m serious. You gotta read between the lines. Like, you know, you look at Clinton, and Black people like Clinton. We’ve seen him on the ca– I saw one thing on the campaign trail, he actually just picked a Black baby up and kissed him– *muah* “Come here, little nigger baby.” Mwah! Just kissing him. I said, “Mmmm-hmmm! I like that. He did not hesitate or nothing. You see George Bush Jr. He’d be like:
(kiss) “Ew.” That was fun.

[Dave Chapelle] Source: LYBIO.net
Like, see, I’d never vote for George Bush Jr., but I don’t know George Bush Jr.’s politics. The only thing I know about is that that guy sniffed cocaine. That’s right. Now listen, we cannot have that shit in the White House. That might be fine for a mayor, but goddamn it, not in the White House.
Not in the White House. Mmm-mmmm. You hear what I’m saying?

The stakes are too high in the White House. Can’t have no cokehead president, mm-mmm. He’d be selling nuclear secrets for 20, 30 dollars and shit. He’d be at meetings, embarrassing America. “Come on. Sign the treaty, baby. I’ll suck your dick.” Like what the–?

“Mr. president! Mr. President, that is not how we do business here, sir. Stop sucking the ambassador’s dick.” “No, let him finish. I will sign the treaty. There will be peace in Israel, finally.”

[Dave Chapelle] Source: LYBIO.net
I’d vote for Clinton again if I could. At least– It’s always better– Now again, I’m not looking at his politics. Don’t know what his politics are. I’m just looking at his behavior. I understand that kind of behavior. I know a lot of dudes with them shortcomings. Weed smoking fornicators, there’s a lot of them.

I mean, come on now. Let’s– let’s be honest. Let’s be honest. Bill Clinton was *not* the first president to do what he did. Now – now let’s just–let’s just– let’s think back for a minute.

[Dave Chapelle] Source: LYBIO.net
Remember a guy named– named Kennedy? John F. Kennedy. Remember him? He fucked Marilyn Monroe. Matter of fact, him and his brother Bobby fucked Marilyn Monroe. And history doesn’t talk about that much. You know why history doesn’t talk about that much? Because those two pages in history are stuck together. They’re– They was gettin’ it on. They were gettin’ it on. I seen the tapes. Remember the tapes? She be singing all nasty as his party, stressin’ him out and shit.

“Hap-py birth-day Mis-ter Pre-si-dent.” “Bitch, my family’s here. Mm-mmm.”

Clinton did the same thing, but he didn’t do it like that. Because it’s the year 2000. He’s busier than Kennedy was. He was a busy man. Clinton did that kind of thing the way busy men do it. You know what busy men do?

They fuck who’s close to them. I could tell that was what Clinton was up to. Looked like he just stuck his head out the office door and shit. “Ehh, oh boy! You! you, come here. Come here. I need my penis sucked before for my 3:30. Come on. Oh, boy.” He was probably looking at Kennedy’s picture and shit
“Oh Oh.” (salute)

[Dave Chapelle] Source: LYBIO.net
And then to top it off, he lied, which I thought was just– I thought that was special. I did, man. I know how he did. I’ve been accused of having sex with a girl I did not have sex with before, and let me tell you something, that shit is infuriating. You ever go through that? You know, it’ll make you crazy. You’ll be screaming at your best friends. “I didn’t touch that bitch! Nigga, I’ll kill you! Fuck you, nigga! I’ll kill you! Please believe me.
PLEASE BELIEVE ME!

Dave Chapelle – Why Terrorists Won’t Take Black People As Hostage. Terrorists don’t take Black hostages. That’s the truth. Complete Full Transcript, Dialogue, Remarks, Saying, Quotes, Words And Text.