Claire Wineland Thank You
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[Claire Wineland Thank You]
[Claire Wineland:] Source: LYBIO.net
Hi, everyone. Um… pppph…. This video has been a long time coming. I keep trying to make a full video about the whole fundraiser process and I just – I get really choked up and I get really overwhelmed because there’s so much that I want to say. And there’s no way – like there’s no way for me to even articulate what you guys have done for me. And so I just get like I try and say things and everything that I say doesn’t sound like enough. It doesn’t even sound – I don’t even feel like it’s real.
I really don’t feel like it’s real.
Like I feel like I’m in like – I’m in like a haze and like none of its real and I’m gonna like wake up and so I just don’t even know how to make this video, which is I think why I’ve put it off for so long and I did a little – I did a short thank you video just for the um – think I’ll fund me itself, but I feel like you all deserve like a genuine thank you and a detailed description of how the whole thing went because that was so, so insane.
And it’s like – it’s like when something so unexpected happens, you just have no framework to even conceptualize how it happened because you just so were not expecting it to happen that you can’t even wrap your brain around it.
I mean I think I spent the first week of the fundraiser not even really being able to look at it because it was so like overwhelming. I mean it’s just overwhelming that so many of you helped. I just don’t even know like I’m so – I’m genuinely so inspired by you guys. Like I was just watching – I was sitting there I was watching this stuff coming, it was all like $5, $10, $20 donations from you guys. And so many of you helped. I don’t even – I don’t even have a way to explain what you’ve done for me, what you’ve done for my family.
I mean it’s just – it’s like unreal.
Like I mean you’ve literally like saved my life and taken such a huge weight off of my shoulders and off of my parents shoulders I mean and my family, not just my parents, everyone.
And you know what’s cool is like I’m excited for the first time in this entire process like for the first time since agreeing to do transplant I’m genuinely like so, so excited because like before it was just – it was bogged down with so much fear that I didn’t let myself get excited about it.
And now it’s like not only is it a possibility but it’s like something I’m going to be able to do without dragging everyone else around me down and putting everyone in debt and making everyone horribly stressed out and losing everything else I have, which was pretty much what I was having to think about is like if I go through transplant does that mean losing my freedom, does that mean losing – did I mean making everyone else lose everything, does that mean completely destroying everyone’s life, which seems dramatic, but it’s actually kind of a possibility.
[Claire Wineland:] Source: LYBIO.net
I don’t think it’s really hard to explain the kind of fear and like just this constant thing that sits on your shoulder when you have to worry about money and how you’re going to pay for things. I mean.
It’s interesting because when I started the foundation when I was like 13, I really – I could see the effect that not being able to pay for housing and rent and car payments and food and all that. I could see the effect that has on a family the way it makes dealing with an illness seem like a walk in the park. Like when you have to deal with not knowing how you’re going to provide and take care of your family and take care of yourself and having to be so dependent on other people is just – I saw how much it broke people. Like I saw families who had a chance like their kid had a chance, but they didn’t have a chance because they didn’t have resources.
I knew from like a logical perspective that it was hard to not know how you’re gonna be able to pay for housing (you know) and travel and all the stuffs that comes along with getting a transplant or not even just getting a transplant getting anything health-related.
So obnoxiously expensive money going into that. That’s not even to mention all of the co-pays and the stuffs that you have to pay for out-of-pocket and all of that in our insurance system. So I could see how hard it was on families, but it’s one thing to know from a logistical perspective. What it does to a family and it’s very different to be living it yourself. And it’s very different to actually know what that feels like. And I know I talked about that in the Ask Video, but this past year I just like have this overwhelming compassion for the people that my foundation helps not because – not because I feel like ‘oh no it’s so horrible’ because it’s like keeping your head afloat when you’re not only scared about whether or not your kid or yourself is gonna be alive, but you’re also terrified of if you do stay alive, how are you gonna afford to stay alive.
I mean the amount of just complete overwhelming terror that that puts on you. It’s like – it’s like you know when you get – I don’t know how many of you relate to this, but you really, really badly depressed and everything that you do it’s just like tinted with this feeling of gross fear like – like nothing seems like it could ever be good again and everything you try and do just feels like empty and draining and terrifying. It’s kind of like that.
It’s like you put on these glasses where everything that you try and do in life feels completely futile because not only do you know if you’re gonna survive but you also don’t know how you’re gonna afford to survive. And there’s something that that does to your head that just like kills any of – it’s just terrifying, straight-up terrifying.
[Claire Wineland:] Source: LYBIO.net
And I saw it in so many other families that I never really fully understood until I went through it myself. And so I don’t – I don’t have any words really to say how grateful I am.
Like there’s no way – there’s no way to describe it.
Like I can’t just – it’s like it’s way more than can be put into a video of like thanks for donating guys. It’s great. Like you don’t know, no idea what you did for us.
How much you changed. Not just like what I can do, but you also took such a huge weight off of me that I just don’t even know how to repay you. And I don’t know how to say thank you enough and everything feels shallow and hollow and not enough. It’s interesting because first of all I wasn’t expecting the fundraiser to go off in the slightest right. Like I was so not ready for it to make that much money.
I mean we needed. What we needed was 50 to 100 grand and once it got to be a hundred we kept getting people saying that they wanted to give more and they wanted it to be not just for the surgery, but for after the surgery like for being able to – so that I can take off time and not have to work while I recover, which is a big thing. You’re not supposed to do anything for the year after. So then people are like no let’s just keep going. So then we raised the goal to not just cover the actual costs of going through the thing, but for also like for afterwards and for being able to (you know) take care of myself after. And I thought that once we did that I thought people would lose interest. You know, what I mean like I thought that it would be like be like okay, okay like her necessities are covered, she’s gonna have a place to live, she’s gonna have money to be able to get down to the hospital, she’s gonna be able to (you know) cover any of the costs of medications that come up or procedure whatever right. Like she’s good. I thought that people would lose interest, right.
Like I just assumed the people – there’s only so much people can give like not against you guys wait just like there’s only so much that you guys can care – isn’t – and then it just kept going. Like you guys just kept giving a shit. And like – and now like not only am I covered. I’m like I’m okay. I feel like I can breathe for the first time in so long and I’m really just inspired by you guys.
Like I know that that’s normally the other way around and I’m supposed to be the inspirational one here but like guys are just incredible. The fact that you all just donated as much as you could I mean like I started sobbing. When I start seeing the donations that were coming in, it was all like $5, $10 donations then we got to $200,000 with $10 donations is just – it’s just mind-boggling to me. I don’t even – I’m just so honored.
[Claire Wineland:] Source: LYBIO.net
I’m so grateful for you guys and I’m just so – I’m so insanely honored that the people who follow me are so fucking cool.
And I just like – this past few weeks have been an insane roller coaster because I – I lost weight and got taken off the transplant list, which was really heartbreaking and I lost weight because I had lost my apartment and had to put my dog down and so I was stressed and then I was on this medication that made me horribly nauseous, and so I lost a lot of weight. [clears throat] And uh… so they took me off the list, which is really scary. So I had to gain weight to be back on the list and that’s a lot harder than people think it is when you have CF, so I had to go in the hospital and get hooked up to a bunch of stuff and then right when I got out, I got infection.
So I’ve just been sick really, really bad since the beginning of the fundraisers like – like – it was like I just kept crashing the more the fundraiser was popping off the more I crashed, which maybe was stress, maybe was overwhelming, I don’t know, but now that my head’s back on my shoulders and like I’m able to breathe again literally and I’m just like sitting in it. You know, like when you said – when something huge happens and then it finally sinks in and I’ve just been laying around and my head because you know how your head doesn’t always catch up when big things happen right. So like my brain goes to like this fear state of like ‘oh no’ then I have to think about how we’re gonna be able to manage this and then I stop myself. Oh. And like oh we’re gonna be okay. I’m gonna be able to manage.
And like – and I keep doing that. I do that like five times a day. Um… God I just – I know I’m blabbering. I just don’t know even – I don’t know – I really don’t know how to properly thank everyone. And it feels like I can’t – I feel like I can’t make any more videos because like I can’t like say anything besides thank you. If anyone have to start like my intro for every video from now on it’s gonna have to be like a sobbing thank you because I – everything that I – everything that I do from here on out is because of you guys. So I guess now it’s just a matter of getting the lungs and like doing this you know. There’s really nothing else in the way. So I guess let’s do this.
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Claire Wineland Thank You. I really don’t feel like it’s real. Complete Full Transcript, Dialogue, Remarks, Saying, Quotes, Words And Text.