Bradley Birkholz My First Gay Experience
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[Bradley Birkholz My First Gay Experience]
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Hello beautiful people. Welcome to today’s video. Obviously, I’ve talked a lot about my coming-out journey on here, but I wanted to share my first ever gay experience with you guys.
It’s quite easy for me to kind of like pinpoint what that was because I didn’t really have any gay experiences…
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…growing up. I grew up in a very conservative part of California. I didn’t really have any experiences with gay culture, other gay people. That said, I wasn’t really interested in gay culture. I was pretty homophobic myself. I had a lot of internalized homophobia. I also grew up in the church and I was a little bit brainwashed into thinking that anything that was not condoned by the church was absolutely the devil and et cetera, et cetera.
So I had no experiences with other gay people or gay culture, whatsoever, until I moved to the UK.
I currently live in the UK. I actually currently live in London in the UK. I actually had my first experience in Cardiff, where I lived for four years after moving here.
So go back to first year.
You have little, naive, Christian, closeted, Bradley, who has pretty much no idea about his own identity about gay culture, about anything. I didn’t even know who like Beyoncé or Lady Gaga were. I was just very, very, very, very sheltered. I’d lived a very sheltered life.
Just to paint a picture for you guys, I had never drunk alcohol before, before I moved to the UK.
I had never said a curse word in my life before I moved to the UK.
I had never kissed anybody male or female my entire life before I moved to the UK.
And I had never had sex before I moved to the UK, which is probably obvious after that list.
But, that’s yeah, that’s – that’s like honestly and there’s even more that I could probably add on to that of like never done or didn’t know scenarios.
I mean, just the fact that the only music I ever listened to you growing up was Christian rock.
[Bradley Birkholz:] Source: LYBIO.NET
So, you know, I lived a sheltered, sheltered, sheltered of the sheltered experience growing up.
I was home-schooled for a while as well.
And I never had an experimentation stage in high school. I didn’t have this kind of dating stage in life. I always thought that I was just this really, really pure kid who was just very chaste and not interested in relationships, but that’s because I was gay and I didn’t really realize that.
In fact, I did want relationships and did want sex, I just wanted it with people of the same gender to me and that’s why I felt so disinterested in relationships with women.
I finally worked up the courage to go to the very, very first LGBT society social at Cardiff University.
I was terrified.
I also – it’s worth noting here that I also had a pretty severe social anxiety disorder at the time. And so just the fact that I was able to even go to this event was like really significant for me.
Also like I had never danced in a club setting or anything either and I’ll never forget my – in first year this lesbian walking straight up to me in the bar and saying, you’re gonna dance, we’re gonna get you out of your comfort zone. And I was like, ‘no, I’m fine in my comfort zone, thank you’. And she pulled, grab my hand and we danced together and she like taught me how to like dance in a club, and I was just the most awkward kid ever.
Honestly, I think they should make like a Love, Simon-type movie about like sheltered Christian gay boys. Thats – they probably have, I don’t know. Anyway, if anyone wants the rights to my life story to make a film about let me know.
Pretty early on in my club scene I ended up actually kind of meeting somebody. And I talked about this a little bit in my first gay date story time video. I guess my first gay experience you could say would be going on this day, my first gay date. But I don’t – nothing happened on that date, it wasn’t particularly romantic, we didn’t kiss. Anyway, so I don’t really know if I would count that as my first gay experience.
So there was this guy who was in kind of a similar boat, he was also in kind of awkward and also did not have a lot of experience with gay culture or clubbing. We would kind of flirt across the club and it was – it was honestly is something really cute romantic that I haven’t had a lot of in my life of kind of like you look across the club and you kind of like make eye contact and smile and he had the most flirtatious smile you could imagine. We would kind of do that like across the club flirting. And like every night out I would like hope that he was there. And it was – it was – yeah, so – in so many ways I count that as sort of like my first gay experience. But anyway one of the nights I finally worked up the courage to kiss him.
We were kind of dancing close and there was a total love triangle going on as well because there was two other guys that really, really were vying for his affection and I sort of like won out. But anyway I didn’t know how to kiss and I was like the most awkward kid, you know, no experience. And when you – I don’t know if everybody else has this, but like I hyped it up so much in my brain I was terrified of kissing. I had no idea how to do it. I didn’t know what it was like. You see it a little bit in the movies, but it’s like what is – how does that even work like it’s this bizarre kind of terrifying thing.
And I knew that I wanted to experience my first kiss, but I just did not know what to expect from it. And like I feel like for a first kiss I probably could have just kind of gone for like a peck, I feel like that’s what a lot of people [would] do just kind of like ease into it. But I had like seen it in the movies and stuff and I may be way over committed to that first kiss in a way that was sloppy and not very mechanically functional and very awkward. And this guy totally put up with it and was super sweet about it and we kissed and it was really nice.
And that’s the thing, you kind of have to let yourself, you have to allow yourself to kind of stumble through these awkward first moments, especially as gay people because we often times live a section of our lives kind of more repressed or in the closet. A lot of times we go through that experimentation stage later in life. So this is when I had – this was right before I turned 18 actually. I wasn’t quite 18, yet, I was almost 18. But a lot of times are kind of like teenage experimentation is pushed further into life, sometimes decades further into life because of the culture attitudes around our sexuality. So that’s an interesting phenomena.
And as with so many things in life you get better at it the more you do it – and that’s just the way that goes. So I’m a good kisser now, oversharing, but I was not back then at all. And then later on we ended up going on a date. He invited me first, he kind of made the first move on that, and it was a really, really, really cute date. We played chess because I am a weird dirty little kid, secretly. But I used to always actually play chess on dates. It was like a weird kind of icebreaker for me because I used to literally carry chess with me.
I would – I was – okay, I can’t say I was weird, I’m still pretty weird, but I definitely was not your usual date. I don’t do that anymore just because, A, I want to get to know someone now and I’m – I don’t start with social anxiety really anymore, I would say that in so many ways I’ve overcome that disorder. So for me now I want to get to know somebody, I wanna have a conversation and chess does take away from that. But at the time, that was my thing.
And then we walked home. And I kid you not, being the most naive little Bradley that you can imagine and people still think I’m super naive now, but like trust and believe, she’s come a long way.
I didn’t know how dating worked, I didn’t know how relationships work, I didn’t know anything. And so I was just like so does this mean that we’re boyfriend’s now. And he was like, ‘I mean, I guess so’, like or ‘it can be’. I think he said, I think that’s what he said, I think he said like ‘it can mean that if you want’. Kid you not, this was me navigating relationships. So this was all – this – I bundle all of this up as my first gay experience. And it’s – I remember it so fondly, it was cute, it was like awkward and that’s what a lot of your first gay experiences are gonna be like. They’re gonna be cute and awkward and you just kind of got a fumble through them and just dive into it and just make a fool of yourself.
And like all these same with the sexual encounters, you’ve got to just bumble into it, make a fool of yourself. It’s not gonna be great the first time. You know, there’s this idea about like your first time has to be perfect and glamorized and something super special, it doesn’t. Get rid of that imagery, it’s gonna be awkward, it’s gonna be weird. You don’t know each other, you don’t know what you’re doing, and that’s fine, you just gotta have those experiences and – and put yourself out there and it gets better with practice.
So definitely for me all of my firsts were awkward, my first kiss was awkward as hell, my first sexual encounter which was also with this boy was sexual – it was sexual as hell, it was sexual as hell. It was also awkward as hell. You fumble through it, you figure it out and that’s what so many firsts are. And I think that there’s something kind of beautiful and special about your first times being this kind of like awkward fun, but, you know, cute experience, and that’s life and that’s fun.
[Bradley Birkholz:] Source: LYBIO.NET
So that’s my first gay experience. I hope that you guys enjoyed this video, found it interesting. I’d love to hear your guys’s first gay experiences.
So let me know in the comments down below.
For me it’s so – it’s all kind of bundle up into one little thing, the date, the sex, the kiss and all that. And the clubbing and the dancing and the gay culture was just all, oh sudden for me. I just threw myself right into this whole crazy world and I’m really glad that I did and it’s changed my life forever, unfortunately, to the Republicans who wished that I was still this little closeted Christian straight boy.
Anyway, if you enjoyed this video, please give it a thumbs up. And if you like the queer content that I make and want to stick around for this channel, there’s tons of gay stuff here.
We have a lot of fun over on this space.
So feel free to stick around if you want to.
And my little slogan here on this channel is that the world is a noisy place, so make your words count.
And I will see you in my next video. Bye-bye. Ummah!
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Bradley Birkholz My First Gay Experience. And as with so many things in life you get better at it the more you do it – and that’s just the way that goes. Complete Full Transcript, Dialogue, Remarks, Saying, Quotes, Words And Text.