Boogie2988 – Stephen Williams – The Truth About Why I’m So Fat
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[Boogie2988 – Stephen Williams – The Truth About Why I’m So Fat]
[Boogie2988 – Stephen Williams:] Source: LYBIO.net
I’ve been big all my life, and for the longest time I didn’t care. For the longest time I just thought this is how it was, I wasn’t going to do anything about it and I’d die early, and I was happy with it. I grew up in an abusive family, in an abusive home, the amount of pain that’s in my head and in my heart is immeasurable, it haunts me every day of my life and always will.
Because of that, I have two diagnosed disorders, the first is PTSD, I have extreme anxiety, several times a day, some of the simplest things ‘seeing a shoe in the floor’, ‘seeing sort of on the edge of a chair’, or ‘edge of the table’ or ‘whatever’ my brain will trigger. It’s awful, I feel like I’m dying, I feel like I’m going to die, I’m losing my breath, I’m losing my mind, I go crazy, I get angry, I get sad, I get depressed, I get everything, I get suicidal, I’m afraid of won’t and I’m afraid of will and I’m afraid I’ll end myself, once a day, twice a day, three times a day.
One of the things that helps with that is food, it’s one of the only things that help. And so when this happens I’ll eat. And that’s the second disorder, I have an obsessive compulsive eating disorder. When I’m in that kind of mental pain, when I’m in that kind of anguish, and I think about the day my mother attempted suicide, or the day my father lost his hearing in the coal mines, or the day that he had a stroke due to his alcoholism, or the day my mother tried to claw my eyes out, and I jumped out of a moving car to save my left eye, which still doesn’t work so good, it was barely worth saving, or any of that stuff – I — .
And it’s a pattern I’ve been in my whole life. But really only about five years ago I started giving a shit.
My mom passed, which was part of it, I was free of that reign of tyranny. The other part is I met my wife. And I had someone who cared about me. And I started caring about myself because of it. Because of this woman I have accomplished a lot. I’m e-famous, whatever that means. I make a good living doing it. And I have built a follow-ship here on the Internet and it’s amazing, it’s amazing. And I met some amazing people and we’ve done some amazing things and we saved some lives and we’ve helped some people and we – we’ve made people’s minds change for the better and we’ve – man, we’ve entertained some people – if nothing else, we’ve made people laugh and that’s so wonderful.
And I thought, if I can put that kind of motivation into work on this — I would succeed. And I have. None, the way you’d like, none the way you’d want, but in ways, I – I can’t really express to someone who doesn’t know me personally, but I want to try.
[Boogie2988:] Source: LYBIO.net
I dread making videos like this because when I do this, shitty people come out of the wood works and they crap all over me and I hate it. But the majority of you that come out are wonderful people who genuinely care, and I love you for it. And I’m making this video for you because I know you’ll be there for me but I also know that you deserve the truth. And a lot of you’ve been asking where I’m at with my weight lost.
And I want to tell you, you got to know and as scary as it is, I really just got to be honest.
We had a lot of success at first, four years ago when I first really, really dug deep into me to find all strength I have.
We did a low carb ‘ketogenic diet’ for six months and I rocked it man, I did, I – I –it was more successful than I ever been.
I was doing well with my wife, I was doing well with YouTube and I was doing well with that. We were exercising too which was a big, big part of it.
I exercise – it was nowhere near as important as dieting, but it is important and we would – we had gym membership. We’d go to and I’d swim three, four days a week. I do laps, I do water resistance exercises to build my core, to built my legs, to build — all this wonderful strengthen and to do better and, and it slows, slow-going, slow-going, but in six months I lost 67 pounds and that was amazing. And I was so proud, that I did.
Um…but at some point one night I was going out of the pool, and my back would not hold my weight, and the pain that I was in was excruciating and I want you to know that I have known real pain, I’ve known cigarette burns, I’ve had whiskey bottles cracked over my head, I’ve been cut, I’ve been stabbed, I’ve been scratched, I’ve been punched, I’ve been beat, I have lymphedema in my legs, I once had a necrotic wound this big that took six months to heal, I once lost ninety percent of the skin from my knee to my ankle on my left leg and had – had them peel it half of me, while I was awake. And, and, and, and then it took three months for the skin to grow back and with these wraps – I know pain man, I know pain. And this pain was different than everything else. And my wife got me home, she had to drag me to the car practically and she got me home and I got into the bed and I thought to myself man this is it, I’m done. I’ll never get out of this bed again.
I’ve read a whole lot of stories about guys my size, and women my size and around 35 or 40 if they are not dead, they’re generally bedridden, a lot of the times.
And I thought this is it. And dammit, I have so much inspiration and so much to fight for, so much to live for and it was only a few days later that I finally got into the living room again for the first time.
Now all I did was sit there in my chair – my recliner and did my best. And I got to where I do my work again and make YouTube videos, even though I was in a lot of pain. And slowly but surely we made progress, we got to where I was going out of the house again even if it was just to go to the grocery store right around in one of these stupid mart-carts.
And we had a few setbacks, one of which land of this the emergency room, I had a small crack in the femur, in my left leg a microfracture and the pain from that was very – very bad, but not as bad as what was going on in my back. We tried to X-ray my back and we couldn’t figure out what it was because of the obsessive-compulsive disorders that I already have, they will not prescribe me real drugs, nor would I take them if they would.
[Boogie2988:] Source: LYBIO.net
So I just have to deal with the pain with ibuprofen and Aspirin, and it’s been like that ever since.
People tell me to walk, but they didn’t understand that I can’t – barely walk to cross the house. But anyway I’m still making progress, man, I’ll never give up, I never give up, I will never give up.
But as you can imagine the PTSD, the anxiety, the fear, the terror, off the charts man. Fear of my own life, fear of being stuck in that bad, fear of never walking right again, fear of never being able to live the life that I deserve or that my wife deserves for me to live.
And of course I ate, I ate, I ate, I ate, I ate, I ate, I ate, I ate, I put on about 50 of the pounds of the 67 I lost back. I’ve lost some of that since, you know, along with getting better every day, getting more physically fit every day, I’ve managed to succeed.
It’s been slow going, my – for a lot of different medical reasons, the pain being one of them; another being that I have no testosterone in my body, we tried testosterone supplements, but I get side effects from them, so they’re afraid to have me on, on high dosages, but without decent dosages to get me to regular level my body can’t build muscle mass and I have a little to know muscle mass, so that’s complicated. A lot reasons; not excuses. Work still has to get done, but there are reasons, I hope you can understand the difference.
Um…but as I’m [standing] right now, today, I’m 50 pounds from my heaviest ever which is 587 pounds and that’s a victory to me, I’ll take it, because if I didn’t try, if I didn’t try I’d be twice the size I am now. Or let’s just be honest I’d be dead.
If I hadn’t fought my whole life to do my best to try to overcome these disorders, to try to overcome the damage that I’ve already done, you know, I’d be dead. If I truly didn’t care I would have been gone by now.
[Boogie2988:] Source: LYBIO.net
And I’m not, that’s gotta be proof of something and I guess, for the past few years I tried, let’s do low-carb, let’s do keto, let’s do paleo, let’s do vegan diet, but all of this is symptoms; different versions of one thing, calorie restriction, which is what it takes.
You have to restrict calories, diet as ninety percent of it, you have to eat less calories than you burn.
I understand that, I know that, I do that, I try. These different diets that I try are just means to doing them.
But a year ago I met with ‘Diamond Dallas Page’ almost a year ago, 11 months ago. He came here and taught me a diet that would work and it did. And when I can stick to it, it helps, it rocks and even when I’m not sticking to it, even when my OCD – OCED takes over, I focus on the types of things he taught me to do, and it helps.
He taught me a diet exercise – exercise regimen, which I still do three days a week ever since, it helps strengthen my core, it helps reduce my back pain, it helps. Even though my body can’t grow muscle very well, I still do it and I still try. I do everything I can every single fucking day.
Sometimes I eat food while I’m crying, sometimes I hide food, sometimes I buy a food and then throw it away, then dig it out of the trash and eat it, while crying about it. And I tried to stop and I tried to not do it, I try.
And I tell you and I’ve said it a million times on the Internet and I’ll tell you again; one or two things is going to happen, either I will succeed, or I will die trying and that’s the truth of it.
[Boogie2988:] Source: L Y B I O . N E T
I don’t talk about it much publically because there’s not much progress to report, I try a new diet and I stick to it for 24 hours sometimes three days, 10 days, 20 days, sometimes it’s the memories of the hell I have gone through, sometimes its the PTSD, sometimes I’m just weak. And I fuck it up, I fuck it up all the time. I’m scared to tell you when I do, but you deserve the truth.
So there it is, I love you guys.
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Boogie2988 – Stephen Williams – The Truth About Why I’m So Fat. If I truly didn’t care I would have been gone by now. Complete Full Transcript, Dialogue, Remarks, Saying, Quotes, Words And Text.