You Suck At Cooking Banana Song
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[You Suck At Cooking Banana Song]
[WARNING EXPLICIT LANGUAGE]
The average person spends 56 years of their life inside the kitchen. By using these time-saving kitchen hacks you can bring that down to 1.6 hours.
YOU SUCK AT COOKING YEAH YOU TOTALLY SUCK
Riffling through bags of spices just isn’t very nicest. Transfer the spice to a small jar like this and tape the label onto the jar, then make another label to put over that label to confuse spice thieves. Then put one more label to better express your individuality. Put that jar inside a Mason jar give that a nice label as well. [ECHOES OF YOUR FACES FACE]. Put that jar inside a protein container, this will allow you to improvise with flavors at a moments notice. [ECHOES OF MOLASSES]
Peeling the skin off garlic can be more frustrating than something that causes a maximum frustration. Cut the ends off, put them in a Masson Jar and give ’em a good shake. Presto! Now you’re faced with a real problem of having to mince this, this problem is easily solved by buying a jar of pre-minced garlic and using that instead.
When serving your dish, say: ‘it’s a garlic sandwich’, spread the garlic skin around the edges of the plate and make sure to say things like:
BOY MY HAND SURE IS SORE FROM PEELING THE SKIN OFF ALL THAT GARLIC AND THEN CHOPPING THAT GARLIC, TOO.
BOY THIS FRESH GARLIC SURE TASTES FRESH ON ACCOUNT OF HOW FRESH IT WAS WHEN I PEELED THAT FRESH GARLIC SKIN OFF THAT FRESH GARLIC. MMMMMMMMM FRESH GARLIC
With this next tip you can throw your strainer into the garbage forever – simply take your can, open it mostly on one side – flip it over – open it fully on the other side. Run water through it and use the cans natural straining properties to clean your beans. Make sure to fully wash your can afterward. Then use that can as a plate, this will help you with portion control and then you can just recycle the can afterward, rather than throwing out a perfectly good ceramic plate each time you cook – that’s how you save the planet.
When scrambling an egg sometimes a bit of the shell gets inside the egg which can be – [interrupted]
“Could you not, please.”
“Oh, well I was just – ”
“Oh, okay. I am right in the middle of a thing.”
“Oh, well, I just – ”
“When I just finish this – like, it’s not like you’re hungry.” “Thank you.”
Alright, one very easy way to get an eggshell out of an egg, is to use an egg shell, in professional chef circles this is known as: EGGCEPTION or… INCEPSHELL but a far quicker and more efficient method is to scrape the bottom of the bowl with nine forks. Easy!
Keeping track of your implements while cooking is a real hassle and it could add hours to making any dish. Save time and energy by using the ARMPLIMENT 5000, [ARMPLIMENT 500 TM (PATENT PENDING)]. The ARMPLIMENT 5000 keeps your implements organized at all times for the rest of your life. When you fully master The ARMPLIMENT 5000 then and only then you’re ready for The Knife Belt 7454 [KNIFE BELT 7454 TM (PATENT PENDING] which is the easiest, most convenient and safest way to organize your knives, not only when cooking but at any time of the day or night.
You can slow down the ripening process by giving your banana a longer life by wrapping the ends in plastic wrap.
But what about giving your banana a better life.
I’d like to take you outside today for a little while. Source: LYBIO.net
I hope that you decide to stay for a little while.
BUT IF YOU DON’T I DON’T BLAME YOU!
Banana… we can do so much better than we’ve have.
Ever since I’ve found you left you sitting on the counter.
Banana… we’ve taken you for granted.
Banana sitting there and it’s like we just don’t care.
Just like the salmon.
You suck at cooking oh my god, you suck.
I don’t wanna be heavy about it or anything but I think we should just talk a little bit about boundaries.
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