Yakov Smirnoff – Very Funny
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[Yakov Smirnoff – Very Funny]
[Rodney Dangerfield (Jacob Rodney Cohen, November 22, 1921 – October 5, 2004:] Source: LYBIO.net
Very nice, very nice, I’ll tell you comedy, comedy eh, comedy its in my blood. I wish it was in my act. Our next comedian is from Russia. How do you like that huh? This guy came here 7 years ago, couldn’t speak a word of English; today he speaks 12 words, all Spanish. Say hello to Yakov Smirnoff, okay here we are – great guy – how are you?
[Yakov Naumovich Pokhis, Yakov Smirnoff (24 January 1951):] Source: LYBIO.net
Hi! Hi! My name is Yakov Smirnoff and I am a comedian from Russia. Thank you very much. I want to explain what happened to that airplane.
I am actually come from Russia, I was born there grew up there, worked as a comedian at there. What surprises me – American people don’t know we have comedian in Russia. We have comedians at there there. There dead.
Their there it’s very hard to comedian at Soviet Union, you have to write out all your material, and you send it to the department of jokes. I’m not making this up. Then they send it back to censored – you have to stay with the script you can’t improvise. If someone hackles you in the audience. You can’t say like “Your mother wares army boots”. Cause she probably does. And she will hurt you.
Good thing about a comedian at Russia is you have captured audience. They are not going anywhere. You gotta be very selective, very careful what jokes you say like “Take my wife, please.” you get home, she’s gone.
I realized I wanted to get out of Russia, it’s not easy to get out because you buy your visa and they give you master card, yeah. And aren’t no things like American express, give Russian express, “Don’t re-home.”
Finally I got an answer – “Get out”. And I’m… my first stop in America was in Cleveland, Ohio. Anybody from Cleveland by chance, anybody? They made me feel at home in Cleveland so I had to escape again.
Now I make fun of Cleveland because everyone makes fun of it. That’s correct? Every country has one city people make fan of it. In Russian we used make fun of Cleveland.
Then I got to New York. New York is great. I walked out airplane, and my name was written in big letters “Smirnoff”. America loves Smirnoff. I said to myself “What a country.”
I didn’t speak English, it is hard, you know, everybody tells me to do different things to do you know people you learn pigeon English first, so I used to go to parks. And then I learned prrr. And then I had to learn how to crap wind shields.
A friend of mine said he quit smoking cold turkey. Whatever makes you happy? What do you smoke now Ham?
I was reading news paper, the ad said “Big sales, last week”. Now, why advertise? I’ve already missed it. They are just rubbing it in.
In other ad in the paper said we guarantee our furniture and we stand behind it for six month. That’s the reason I left Soviet Union. I don’t want people behind my furniture.
[Yakov Smirnoff:] Source: LYBIO.net
I was in Nashville, Tennessee. That screwed me up completely. Those people check their hearing constantly, “You, come back you hear.” I heard it.
I was working there in Nashville, and – and the club owner was very nice kind of guy little weird, showed me around Nashville. And he played practical joke on me. He let me milk to his bull. Now I learned something. You milk this animal once you have a friend for a life. He was following me around. “You, come back you hear.”
It’s amazing certain things, I mean, but it’s great to be in this country. You have freedoms. You know you can say anything you want, you can do anything you want. Certain freedom I had no idea about. I walked into a store first time, I saw this box. It says New Freedom. And I said to myself: “What a Country!” Freedom in a box! I bought fifteen of them. If any of you need some, I still have it, I had no idea what those things are but – Super Maxi. I figured I should get as much freedom as possible.
And I would write letters to my friends in Russia, I would put those things in envelope, I figured they should get freedom too. Then I read sanitary napkins. I put those things on the tables, I thought those are good napkins – they are expensive, and people would go: yeah!
But nobody would want to tell me what those things are. People don’t like talk about this. I thought they are knee pads. Then I though they are head bands.
[Yakov Smirnoff:] Source: LYBIO.net
Here I am wearing this stuff, in the gym, people coming over and “You look good. What the hell are you wearing?” I don’t do it anymore. I buy Stay Free.
Thank you very much.
Yakov Smirnoff – Very Funny. I walked out airplane, and my name was written in big letters “Smirnoff”. America loves Smirnoff. I said to myself “What a country.” Comedy Transcript, Dialogue, Remarks, Saying, Quotes, Words And Text.