Uncensored Version Of The Emmys Final Robin Williams Bit
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[Uncensored Version Of The Emmys Final Robin Williams Bit]
[Robin McLaurin Williams (July 21, 1951 – August 11, 2014)]:] Source: LYBIO.net
There is nothing you can do, my son is three years old, it’s an amazing time, it’s like, big head little tiny body. It’s an outrageous time when they ask you about everything, it’s like: ‘why is the sky, blue?’
Well because of the atmosphere.
‘Why is there atmosphere?’
Well because we need to breathe.
‘Why do we breathe?’
Why the fuck you wanna know! A year ago you were sitting in your own shit, now you’re Carl Sagan! What is this? Who are you? Are you Buddha? Ask mommy she’s omnipotent she knows everything. There’s a little tiny creature man, and they immitate everything you do. I was driving in traffic, someone cut me off, I went: ‘Fuck it’. From behind me this little rocket seat of voice went ‘Fuck it’. All day long he followed me around the house going: ‘Fuck it’. ‘Fuck it’. ‘Fuck it’. ‘Fuck’, ‘Fuck’, ‘Fuck’, ‘Fuck’, ‘Fuck’, ‘Fuck’, ‘Fuck’, ‘Fuck’, ‘Fuck it’ This sweet little old lady walked up and said, oh what a beautiful child. ‘Fuck you’. Oh ho ho ho – it’s the Williams boy. Don’t you see, children, can’t live with ’em, can’t live with ’em, don’t you see that? They’ve got you. They’ve got that look in your eyes, like; ‘what are you gonna do?’ I’m a baby I couldn’t exist in the outside world [The middle finger gesture]. I see him working on a motion, sometimes a picture on the corner he was going: ‘Ahhh- no, no, no, no, no. Ahhhhhhh! AHHHHHHHHHHHH – YES! That’s the one. That’s the one where the dogs are going, I’m out of here, pal’
God, it’s incredible, and I try to do sweet things for him, I try, I say, I’ll take him to Disney Land, that’ll be fun, Mickey Mouse for a three-year-old – yes! Mickey Mouse for a three-year-old that will be incredible. Mickey Mouse to a three-year-old is a six foot fucking rat.
There’s Mickey going: Hi, little buddy!
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! AHHHHHHHHHHH! Nooooo!
Then Goofy came up. Oh Oh! Oh Oh! ‘It’s Dad having an orgasm.’ No, no, no. In the car.
Nothing, there’s nothing you can do. And if you have children – I know a couple of you have children you must have a few and you left them at home tonight yeah – you snuck out – you lying bastards.
You left them with a little old lady you hope doesn’t have a prison record, yeah! You hope that she doesn’t drink! So when you call; ‘How’s the baby’. “How’s the baby? Fuck, I don’t know.”
Cause if you walked out of the house, the last thing you saw was a little face pressed up against the plain glass window going: [Miming (Press Up On Glass)] ‘Ahhhhhhhhh’. And you walked to the car going: ‘I feel like, Mengele. (indecipherable) But you know as soon as that door slammed the kid turned to the sitter and went: ‘Old lady they’re out of here. Let’s peel off these Pampers and lets party. You like Fisher-Price music?’
Because, that’s it, you’ve gotta work with them. They’ve got you. They’re gonna do to you, exactly what you do to your parents. They are going to come up to you and do the same thing. I know my son is going to do it to me. 16 years from now, he’s going to walk right up to me, look me right in the eye and go: ‘God, dad you’re fucked.’ My father [will] be standing right behind him going: “Yes! Yes, Ah Ha Ha! REVENGE IS MINE!”
And we have dreams about your kid. You have dreams that maybe one day your kid will be up there going: “I’d like to thank the Nobel Academy”.
And you have this other dream where your kids going: “Do you want fries with this?”
You don’t know. We don’t god damn know, do you? Cause it’s a crapshoot. It’s a damn Crapshoot. And now you have to worry. You have to worry what’s going to happen with him. What the worlds going to be like. You don’t even know who the next President going to be. You graph the way its going, goes from Jimmy Carter pretty benign, no, bullshit a Valium poster-child, you know, and the next one, Ronald Regan Howdy Doody Senior – everybody believe me now!
If you keep going benign the next president is going to be Mr. Rogers, it’ll be like: “Can you say, Armageddon? I think it’s too late.”
Or if you get macho, the next president might be Clint Eastwood, and the only man in the world who could run against him would be Jack Nicholson, yeah! [If the two would debate.] It would be the shortest debate in the history of politics. All Nicholson would have to say is: ‘How can you debate me, you haven’t opened your god damn eyes in 20 years”. Bingo you’re gone baby!
[Robin Williams:] Source: LYBIO.net
You don’t know, you don’t god damn know what it’s going to be – maybe one day Ron wakes up [detonated the bomb] puuuu-fffffff. I thought it was the alarm clock. Um, um, no baby. Or maybe, maybe it’s going to be alright. Maybe it will be a wonderful world just like the Epcot Center says, maybe one day: ‘We’ll travel at the speed of light. They’ll have to lose our luggage behind.’ You don’t know. You seriously don’t know.
There are times my son looks at me and gives me that look in the eyes like: ‘well, what’s it going to be,
Hey, Zacha. Hey son, I don’t know. But maybe along the way you’ll take my hand, tell some jokes, and have some fun… hey how do you get to the Met? ‘Money’.
Yeah. Come on, pal. You’re not afraid, are you?
‘No. Fuck it.’
Uncensored Version Of The Emmys Final Robin Williams Bit. 1986 Stand Up Special Live At The Met. We don’t god damn know, do you? Cause it’s a crapshoot. It’s a damn Crapshoot. Comedy Transcript, Dialogue, Remarks, Saying, Quotes, Words And Text.