Tommy Jordan – Facebook Parenting – For The Troubled Teen

Dear Tommy, As a parent of 4 now grown sons and i grown daughter, I can understand the outrage that you felt over your daughter’s actions on face book.

I don’t know if this will help or not, but if you will allow me I would like to say something to you that might help in the future. You said you took her computer and IPod away from her the last time she pulled this stunt. Now you shot her computer and it wasn’t her that lost alone, so did you . The money you invested in giving her the computer, the software (which you say you will make her pay for along with the bullets that you used to put holes in her computer. ) You also lost in the financial end and she may end up more rebellious than ever. This is based purely on my experience with my kids and with other kids who have taken such drastic measures.

Another thing if she wants to get to a computer, she will. So blowing up her computer won’t change a thing. I agree with you on her chores they were not all that hard and she should have done them without complaining. what is with this about getting you a cup of coffee and having to clean up after she just did her chore od cleaning the floor and you messing it up again. If that is the case then she is right. She did what you asked of her and then you dirtied it again. You should have cleaned it up yourself. There has to be a level of compromise in the house where everything will be agreeable with all parties concerned. it can’t be a “my way or the highway” situation. Your daughter like any other kid is growing up and trying to find her own way in live and she is struggling with herself and the rules that you set down for her that seem overbearing and harsh. You and her mother needs to sit down and talk to her and tell her that you love her and want to work things out so she can not feel so “imprisoned” and that is exactly how she feels. She probably isn’t mature enough quite yet to seek a job and most people won’t hire a 15 year old . They usually start at age 16 or 17 or 18, depending on company policy. Like boys she is alos going through puberty and her world is very confusing and she is struggling to deal with her feelings of acceptance and rejection.

“I took my kids computer away from him and made him prove to me that he was capable of handling responsibility and earning the right to have the computer back.” on of the children’s parents I deal with. They came
together as a Christian family they were and wanted to understand why their son was doing almost the same thing that your daughter is doing. One thing parents forget is that they were kids once too and had the same struggles as they are going through now at that age. They forget how they felt when their parents laid down rules that seemed unfair and far too restrictive for them and what they did as an act of rebellion.

what seems to work with most parents is a form of contract between the parents and the child. Each agreeing and compromising on certain things tha the parents feel their teenager should do and letting the teenager express their feelings without reprisal on how they feel about things and then working out the agreement between them. All the parents that I have dealt with say that this really works and their teenager becomes more open with them, respectful and can then know that they cna go to their parents about what is troubling them. Putting fear and too much on a child or teenager will cause them to rebel all the more and more often than not they will run away and get caught up into a very dark world of drugs, gangs and the like and more often than not the girls eventually end up dead. This is an option for you and the results depends on how you and your daughter can come to an agreeable contract that will satisfy the both of you

The decision is up to you, you are the parent. I am telling you what works and it worked with my son as well. “I didn’t destroy the computer the father told me. I took it and locked it up until I saw that he had proven that he was responsible and wouldn’t revert back to his old ways once he had it back.” the parents told me. You will be surprised at the change that will come over time if you all work together as a family and are not overbearing to your daughter. That will drive her away from you and put a wedge between you as parents and will take years to restore…sometimes it never does. A child who is consistently rapped on for everything will soon have their self-esteem destroyed and their self-worth is washed away. The family should be a unit of love and compassion. If you are a Christian family then you should know that you should love your child as Jesus love you. Jesus doesn’t belittle another of his children because their are suffering from growing pains or make mistakes. your daughter is actually expressing how she feels emotionally, although it wasn’t in the right way it was a plea for understanding and help. Just food for thought for you. I sincerely hope this help you and your family

He is a coward

@Rev. Dr. Leslie Trombly:

Reverend,

As a happily grown adult child of parents who believed strongly in “tough love”, I feel perhaps you are the one who might benefit from a different perspective.

My parents both held full-time jobs, and fully expected us to do all the housework. It was my responsibility to have dinner cooked, and on the table when they got home at 6 pm. Then I did the dishes and cleaned the kitchen. I was always the first one out of bed in the morning, so of course I was the one who made their coffee. My 3 siblings had their own chores, and all our chores were set in stone. If we stepped out of line, well, our parents came down hard. Didn’t matter who started what, to our parents, it was always our fault for having gotten ourselves in the situation in the first place. Our parents also believed strongly in corporal punishment, but that was also reserved for lying and placing blaming others. In my opinion, that girl got off easy.

Yes, I remember very well feeling certain things were unfair, but in retrospect now, I appreciate everything they did. Only one who really rebelled was my younger sister. She crossed the line so far that when she got arrested, well, all the male members of our family are in law enforcement, so my parents could easily have had the charges dropped. Instead, they decided not to let her bad behavior continue to disrupt our entire family. So, at their request, she was sent first to a youth facility, and then to a group home, where she received lots of therapy combined with strenuous physical labor. Guess what happened when they finally allowed her to return home? She did a complete 180, became an A student, went on for her doctorate, and is now the administrator of a mental health facility.

My mother’s sister, our aunt, blamed all my sister’s problems on my mom, accusing her of being a “bad parent” because, well, my aunt stayed home and did absolutely everything for her 2 sons because that’s what she said “good moms do!” Yeah, whatever. My 3 siblings and I are all now adults, married professionals, with college degrees and good careers, and nice homes. By contrast, my aunt’s 2 sons are also adults, and are both alcoholic bums, with no jobs, homes or spouses. We’re pretty sure they abuse drugs to boot. They also both hate their mother so much, that they won’t have anything to do with her, and have sworn us all to secrecy because they don’t even want her to even know where they live.

Yes, while we were living at home, it was “my way, or the highway”, but even sending my younger sister away didn’t result in alienation. For all our sibling rivalaries, as adults, we grow closer every day, while our parents have become our best friends and confidents. What I don’t recall either one of my parents ever lying, judging, or saying a bad word about anyone. How others lived their lives was their business. Our lives were only their business as long as we were their responsibility. When we call our parents now to complain about problems, they show support by listening, but they don’t judge. The closest they come to an opinion is “I’m so sorry to hear you’re having such a bad time.” I used to find that frustrating, but now understand that they believe in not saying anything they might regret later.

Our aunt on the other hand, thought she was just ever so righteous and her perfection entitled her to judge everyone, and everyone has the right to HER opinion. Well, for all her opinions on our mom’s supposed “bad parenting”, by my count, all my siblings and I are doing much better than either one of her kids. I would never say that to my aunt though because if I did, my mom would tell me she raised me better, and tell me to go apologize. She’d be right about that too.

Reverend, it’s one thing if this father was one of your parishioners who came to you, seeking your advice. Actually, I don’t recall him asking for anyone’s opinion or assistance on that video. You know why that is? Because he had already decided on his course of action, and in no need of advice.

But as you saw fit to give your uninvited opinion anyway, here’s mine. Only God knows everything, and only he has the right to judge.

Tommy, as a father of three girls from the ages is 15-20-24 I totally get it.Thank you validating correct parenting skills. As for the Rev. Leslie comments raising 3 boys and I daughter and her parenting skills (totally different situation and house hold) maybe your boys helped you out without in raising your daughter and showing her the pecking order in your house hold!

P.S. I would donated her computer to her school so she could have seen everybody else use it but her. Just a suggestion (but I get it) I have replaced many doors in my house becomes I had the no locking door rule!

Thanks again for showing the world how be a good parent!

Thumbs up to daddy Tommy Jordan!!!!
I wish more parents kept after their children as he does, instead of drinking, drugging, ignoring their children’s lack of education, so we’d have more caring adults.
We, instead, have leaders who are corrupt and selfish, who don’t participate in our Social Security system or Health Care system.

Again, God bless Tommy Jordan.

I don’t understand.

Why did you shoot her computer? You could have sold it, and you would have gotten money, or even gave it to a charity or something.

But no.

Instead, you spent MORE money on bullets, even if they were only 8 or 9 dollars.

And, why did you post this on Youtube? You could have talked to her or something. But instead, you did the SAME THING SHE DID. Great example.

And embarrass her? I don’t think you know what humiliation does to a 15 year-old girl

Mate!!!!! You are a LEGEND!!!!! someone should fly you over here to good old Australia and let you hold talks. My kids think I’m Nuts but you just proved I’m NOT……THANKYOU THANKYOU….This is what happens when kids start running the household!

Hello! My name is Kaitlyn, I am seventeen years old, and I use facebook… Well, a lot.

I’ve posted up things that my single-mother didn’t want aired, and when I did, she locked me out of my own facebook, took away my computer, and locked me in my room with my homework.

I have a chores list that has been set in stone since I was nine that vary from daily to weekly/semi-weekly.
Dishes. My laundry. Vacuuming the dining room, living room, hallways and both flights of stairs. Sweeping and mopping the kitchen and walkway. Cleaning out the pet’s boxes/cages (depending on the type of pet we have at the time), and feeding them. Keeping my bedroom and my bathroom habitable. Cleaning the counters, and picking up after myself in general.

While as a seventeen year old, I slack off sometimes, and I don’t always get everything done in a day while also completing my homework and keeping in touch with the social and artistic sides of my life, for the most part, I get it done just about every single day.

My mother works three jobs, and doesn’t have time to clean the house on a daily basis. I earn my keep by doing house work. When my mom sends me a text message saying “Coffee please”, you bet I’ll go and make my mom some god-forsaken coffee. It’s not that difficult or time consuming! And it’s something you can do for your parents who changed your fucking diapers! Excuse my language.

I agree that this might have been a perfect way to set this girl straight, while also realizing that this is a bit extreme a way to deal with this kind of situation.

In my seventeen years of life my mother has never threatened anything of mine with her gun, nor has she hit me. (She spanked me when I was little, but it never lasted past when I was seven). She talks to me, and I am levelheaded enough to take her words to heart.

One thing I see with all the adults commenting is that they assume that all children’s reactions are similar/exactly the same.

They are most certainly not. I’m a very good child. I do my best, and I discuss things that go wrong with my mother. My mother, on the other hand, was a very rebellious child, and didn’t have a good relationship with her mom, or siblings. It truly depends on the child. You can’t generalize people so plainly.

There is NO reason that an almost sixteen year old girl should be disrespecting her parents in such a way that the world (or at least HER world) can see. Rebellion isn’t cute.
If she needs to vent irrationally, she should be talking directly to her friends, or more constructively, a therapist. Not posting it online, for god’s sake.

I’ve been in her place. Parents are frustrating.
But children frustrating too.

My point is, this is extreme. And he’s the parent of his own child. To an extent, it’s his world. He has the right to traumatize his daughter (within reason, of course). While I don’t think that personally, that was a great choice, I think it was, at least in his mind, necessary.

I do choose to think that posting this online was only asking for attention, and stooping down her her level though. It isn’t his job to be a child. It’s his job to be a parent. Acting childish doesn’t exactly help his case any.
He’s portraying to his daughter that no matter what words he’s saying, this behavior is okay.