Ari Shaffir Passive Aggressive Annoying People
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[Ari Shaffir Passive Aggressive Annoying People]
PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE ARI SHAFFIR
[Ari Shaffir:] Source: LYBIO.net
I was talking to this girl in Los Angeles, a comedian, her name is Damienne Merlina, she’s so annoying. She’s the worst. We never have anything to talk about. She’s not even that annoying, we just have nothing in common. So we talk like, ugh, you’re killing me! She’s so annoying, also, she has one arm. But, uh…it’s got nothing to do with the story. I’m only telling you because if you ever saw her you’d be like, ‘Wait, I don’t know, is that her or not? Because he didn’t mention the part about the one arm, so maybe it’s not her,’ That’s the only reason why I’m telling you. That’s not why she’s annoying, if that’s what you think. I knew her when she had two arms. She was just as annoying then. The only thing that changed is one day her arm-to-annoyance ratio just shot the fuck up. That’s the only difference.
She was yapping about something I couldn’t care less about, and I’m doing the look-around at all my friends, and she smelled, she stunk. She had that – she had that fat smell, you know the fat smell? Not every fat person has it, but one out of twelve fat people. They’re just – they’re fat in a certain way, so that when they’re showering they can’t – they can’t reach under to wash under their belly fold, like, just can’t get under there for whatever reason. I’m sure the one arm didn’t help.
So what’ll happen is sometimes an immigrant will just crawl up in there, and he’ll just die, he’ll die of heat exhaustion, or loneliness, of starvation, I haven’t read all the papers. But he dies, and then you talk to them, you’re like, ‘There’s no God, clearly, how do you smell that way? It’s cool out, how do you smell this bad?’ We should just walk away, God. I really do wanna stop letting people I hate choose the way how I I live.” It really does suck. And by the way there’s one exception to that rule – you know that rule like, if like; some is looking around, like they say, you start talking to a girl at a bar and she’s going like this, like the whole time and she’s not interested.
But one exception, if you are talking to a Jewish girl at a bar and she’s going like this; what she’s actually doing is she is presenting. She’s letting you know — that she’s in heat. Please continue pursuit that’s what – that’s what she’s telling you. I wanna – here’s when I realize I did it too much in terms of letting people choose how I live, I was in traffic – not in traffic – in the streets. You know when there’s like three lanes – you got like two lanes that are driving lanes and then the right hand lane is a park car lane / super dangerous passing lane, you got like 40 yards to pass – you’re just dead – you’re dead.
So I was driving in the center lane one day, driving the speed limits, smoking a bowl, like a gentleman and somebody’s trying to pass me in the right-hand lane – they try to like – pass and I do anything like normal civilized person would do in the same situation and I go – this will not go down today. And I put everything down I try to speed up so they can’t get in, but they’ve got momentum, the momentum is real, so they get in. But – I can’t take it – I just can’t accept that in my mind, it won’t allow that this injustice to stand. So I’d like to have to swerve swirl to my left and try to cut in and out of traffic narrowly avoiding accidents, just so I can like get back in front of that guy, just to restore order to the world.
[Ari Shaffir:] Source: L Y B I O . N E T
Then I’m like why am I driving like a maniac, just because that guy is late for something. Just pack another bowl – steer with your knee for a little while, safety first, always safety first and just cheer him on.
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Ari Shaffir Passive Aggressive Annoying People. I was talking to this girl in Los Angeles, a comedian, her name is Damienne Merlina, she’s so annoying. Complete Full Transcript, Dialogue, Remarks, Saying, Quotes, Words And Text.