Barack Obama – President Obama At The 2011 White House Correspondents’ Dinner

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THE WHITE HOUSE
Office of the Press Secretary
For Immediate Release
May 1, 2011
REMARKS BY THE PRESIDENT AT THE
WHITE HOUSE CORRESPONDENTS ASSOCIATION DINNER
The Washington Hilton
Washington, D.C.
10:01 P.M. EDT

[Barack Hussein Obama II (born August 4, 19)]
All right, everybody, please have a seat. (Applause.)

My fellow Americans. (Laughter and applause.) Mahalo! (Laughter.) It is wonderful to be here at the White House Correspondents’ Dinner. What a week. (Laughter.) As some of you heard, the state of Hawaii released my official long-form birth certificate. (Applause.)

Hopefully this puts all doubts to rest. But just in case there are any lingering questions, tonight I’m prepared to go a step further. (Laughter.) Tonight, for the first time, I am releasing my official birth video. (Laughter.)

Now, I warn you — (laughter) — no one has seen this footage in 50 years, not even me. But let’s take a look.

(“Disney film, ‘The Lion King’ Clip Plays as the Birth Video” plays.) (Applause.)

Oh, well. Back to square one. (Laughter.) I want to make clear to the Fox News table: That was a joke. (Laughter.) That was not my real birth video. (Laughter.) That was a children’s cartoon. (Laughter.) Call Disney if you don’t believe me. (Laughter.) They have the original long-form version. (Laughter.)

Anyway, it’s good to be back with so many esteemed guests. Celebrities. Senators. Journalists. Essential government employees. (Laughter.) Non-essential government employees. (Laughter.) You know who you are. (Laughter.)

I am very much looking forward to hearing Seth Meyers tonight. (Applause.) He’s a young, fresh face who can do no wrong in the eyes of his fans. Seth, enjoy it while it lasts. (Laughter.)

Yes, I think it is fair to say that when it comes to my presidency, the honeymoon is over. (Laughter.) For example, some people now suggest that I’m too professorial. And I’d like to address that head-on, by assigning all of you some reading that will help you draw your own conclusions. (Laughter.) Others say that I’m arrogant. But I’ve found a really great self-help tool for this: my poll numbers. (Laughter.)

I’ve even let down my key core constituency: movie stars. Just the other day, Matt Damon — I love Matt Damon, love the guy — Matt Damon said he was disappointed in my performance. Well, Matt, I just saw “The Adjustment Bureau,” so — (laughter) — right back atcha, buddy. (Laughter and applause.)

Of course, there’s someone who I can always count on for support: my wonderful wife Michelle. (Applause.) We made a terrific team at the Easter Egg Roll this week. I’d give out bags of candy to the kids, and she’d snatch them right back out of their little hands. (Laughter.) Snatched them. (Laughter.)

And where is the National Public Radio table? (Cheering.) You guys are still here? (Laughter.) That’s good. I couldn’t remember where we landed on that. (Laughter.) Now, I know you were a little tense when the GOP tried to cut your funding, but personally I was looking forward to new programming like “No Things Considered” — (laughter) — or “Wait, Wait…Don’t Fund Me.” (Laughter.)

Of course, the deficit is a serious issue. That’s why Paul Ryan couldn’t be here tonight. His budget has no room for laughter. (Laughter.)

Michele Bachmann is here, though, I understand, and she is thinking about running for President, which is weird because I hear she was born in Canada. (Laughter.) Yes, Michele, this is how it starts. (Laughter.) Just letting you know. (Laughter and applause.)

Tim Pawlenty? He seems all American. But have you heard his real middle name? Tim “Hosni” Pawlenty? (Laughter.) What a shame. (Laughter.)

My buddy, our outstanding ambassador, Jon Huntsman, is with us. Now, there’s something you might not know about Jon. He didn’t learn to speak Chinese to go there. Oh no. (Laughter.) He learned English to come here. (Laughter and applause.)

And then there’s a vicious rumor floating around that I think could really hurt Mitt Romney. I heard he passed universal health care when he was governor of Massachusetts. (Laughter.) Someone should get to the bottom of that.

And I know just the guy to do it -– Donald Trump is here tonight! (Laughter and applause.) Now, I know that he’s taken some flak lately, but no one is happier, no one is prouder to put this birth certificate matter to rest than the Donald. (Laughter.) And that’s because he can finally get back to focusing on the issues that matter –- like, did we fake the moon landing? (Laughter.) What really happened in Roswell? (Laughter.) And where are Biggie and Tupac? (Laughter and applause.)

But all kidding aside, obviously, we all know about your credentials and breadth of experience. (Laughter.) For example — no, seriously, just recently, in an episode of Celebrity Apprentice — (laughter) — at the steakhouse, the men’s cooking team cooking did not impress the judges from Omaha Steaks. And there was a lot of blame to go around. But you, Mr. Trump, recognized that the real problem was a lack of leadership. And so ultimately, you didn’t blame Lil’ Jon or Meatloaf. (Laughter.) You fired Gary Busey. (Laughter.) And these are the kind of decisions that would keep me up at night. (Laughter and applause.) Well handled, sir. (Laughter.) Well handled.

Say what you will about Mr. Trump, he certainly would bring some change to the White House. Let’s see what we’ve got up there. (Laughter.)

(Screens show “Trump White House Resort and Casino.”)

So, yes, this has been quite a year in politics, but also in the movies. Many people, for instance, were inspired by ‘The King’s Speech’. It’s a wonderful film. (Applause.) Well, some of you may not know this, but there’s now a sequel in the works that touches close to home. And because this is a Hollywood crowd, tonight I can offer a sneak peek. So can we show the trailer, please?

[Background Voice] Source: LYBIO.net
The following preview has been begrudgingly approved by all audiences by The President of The United States, The film advertized has been rated ‘U’ – Unwatchable.

[State - Run Media Productions]

The parody trailer plays.

(Applause.)

[Woman]
The year is 2011 and opposition rises: Congressional Republicans could force the government to shut down.

[Background]
And a President must face.

[Unknown]
Republicans are serious about an amendment that will eliminate funding – this is serious business – with the President’s teleprompter.

[Background]
His Greatest Challenge.

[Text]
GOP slips secret provision into budget bill.

[Text]
Commander-in-speechless

[Text On The Teleprompter] Source: LYBIO.net
Hello

[Background]
From the people who brought you Universal Health Care and the huge backlash to Universal Health Care comes the incredible true story:

[Barack Obama]
As our economy added another 20, (flubs — ahhhh)

[Barack Obama - Video Clip] Source: LYBIO.net
They say that, to say that ah

[Barack Obama]
Doing that awa (bla la la) let’s start all over!

[Reporter]
The President has lost his Prompter! Joe Lockhart. Has he lost the magic.

[Joseph Lockhart (born July 13, 1959)
S____ he's gone from Yes We Can to No I Can't.

[Barack Obama]
No, I can’t get that! I will also, I will also visit, I will also visit Chile, I will also visit Chile – Okay! Let’s try that again!

[Background] Source: LYBIO.net
In his Darkest Hour!

[Background Citizen's Voice In A Crowd]
Mr. President what are you gonna do?

[Background]
The president turned to a man that never let prepared remarks stand in his way!

[Ol' Dirty Bastard - Shimmy Shimmy Ya Music Plays]

[Joseph Robinette "Joe" Biden, Jr.; born November 20, 1942)]
Axelrod wanted me to use the teleprompter I told him I’m much better when I wing it

[Background] Source: LYBIO.net
Who broke all the rules.

[Joseph Robinette "Joe" Biden, Jr.)]
His Mom ah, lived in Long Island for 10 years or so, god rest her soul and wait, she’s, your mom’s still alive! God Bless her soul!

[Background]
And spoke from the heart.

[Joe Biden Congratulates Barack Obama with F-Word]
This is a big fuckin deal.

[Joseph Robinette "Joe" Biden, Jr.)] Source: LYBIO.net
I’ve never seen so many damn insurance commissioners
One bought 30inch hedge clipper
Lord I’m not that old, actually I am

[Background]
It’s the story of friendship and the power of the human spirit!

[Barack Obama]
There’s only two lines, okay.

[Joseph Robinette "Joe" Biden, Jr.)]
Your making me feel better!

[Background] Source: LYBIO.net
But mostly, its this for two hours:

[Joseph Robinette "Joe" Biden, Jr.) - Video Clip]
And someone we appreciate even more. Natalie Portman, this is not on the teleprompter but she’s a heck of a lot better looking than Rahm Emanuel

[Background]
This fiscal year join two time Grammy award winner, Barack Obama

[Barack Obama]
This is the coolest weekly address.

[Background] Source: LYBIO.net
Renown fruit and vegetable enthusiast Michelle Obama

[Michelle LaVaughn Robinson Obama (born January 17, 1964)]
Look, Sam! There’s a carrot!

[Background]
And AMTRACK’s passenger of the year 3 decades running -Joe Biden.

[Joseph Robinette "Joe" Biden, Jr.) - Video Clip]
There goes Biden again!

[Background]
As the President loses his teleprompter! But Wins The Future!

[Barack Obama]
Thank you!

[Supporters]
(cheer and applaud)

[The President's Speech] Source: LYBIO.net

[Peter Gabriel - Solsbury Hill - Song Plays]

[Barack Obama]
My outstanding Vice President Joe Biden is here. (appears to be snoozing)

The parody trailer ends.

[Barack Obama]
Coming to a theater near you. (Applause.)

Let me close on a serious note. We are having a good time, but as has been true for the last several years, we have incredible young men and women who are serving in uniform overseas in the most extraordinary of circumstances. (Applause.) And we are reminded of their courage and their valor. (Applause.)

We also need to remember our neighbors in Alabama and across the South that have been devastated by terrible storms from last week. (Applause.) Michelle and I were down there yesterday, and we’ve spent a lot of time with some of the folks who have been affected. The devastation is unimaginable and is heartbreaking and it’s going to be a long road back. And so we need to keep those Americans in our thoughts and in our prayers. But we also need to stand with them in the hard months and perhaps years to come.

I intend to make sure that the federal government does that. And I’ve got faith that the journalists in this room will do their part for the people who have been affected by this disaster –- by reporting on their progress, and letting the rest of America know when they will need more help. Those are stories that need telling. And that’s what all of you do best, whether it’s rushing to the site of a devastating storm in Alabama, or braving danger to cover a revolution in the Middle East.

You know, in the last months, we’ve seen journalists threatened, arrested, beaten, attacked, and in some cases even killed simply for doing their best to bring us the story, to give people a voice, and to hold leaders accountable. And through it all, we’ve seen daring men and women risk their lives for the simple idea that no one should be silenced, and everyone deserves to know the truth.

That’s what you do. At your best that’s what journalism is. That’s the principle that you uphold. It is always important, but it’s especially important in times of challenge, like the moment that America and the world is facing now.

So I thank you for your service and the contributions that you make. And I want to close by recognizing not only your service, but also to remember those that have been lost as a consequence of the extraordinary reporting that they’ve done over recent weeks. They help, too, to defend our freedoms and allow democracy to flourish.

God bless you, and may God bless the United States of America. (Applause.)

Barack Obama – President Obama At The 2011 White House Correspondents’ Dinner. The President’s Speech. The following preview has been begrudgingly approved by all audiences by The President of The United States, The film advertized has been rated ‘U’ – Unwatchable. From the people who brought you Universal Health Care and the huge backlash to Universal Health Care comes the incredible true story. Complete Full Script, Dialogue, Saying, Quotes, Words And Text.