MADtv – Odd Guy At A Donut Shop

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[Customer 1 - Nicole Sullivan]
3, 4, so far, is that right?

[Donut Guy - Bryan Callen]
4, right. One cake, one sugar, one buckwheat honey glazed, and a Bavarian honey cream.

[Customer 1 - Nicole Sullivan]
That seems like a lot, a dozen,

[Donut Guy - Bryan Callen]
You wanted a large coffee,

[Customer 1 - Nicole Sullivan]
That’s free with a dozen.

[Donut Guy - Bryan Callen]
You wanted a large coffee, free with a dozen amd plus you get a 13th donut. I will fill up your coffee.

[Customer 1 - Nicole Sullivan]
Okay, okay, I know what I want, lets go with a – whoa!!

[Donut Guy - Bryan Callen]
(spills coffee on pants)

[Customer 1 - Nicole Sullivan]
Better get out of those wet pants into a dry martini huh!

[Donut Guy - Bryan Callen]
Whatever you say, Maam! (starts to take off pants), now that was one more cake.

[Customer 1 - Nicole Sullivan]
What are you doing?

[Donut Guy - Bryan Callen]
I’m taking off my pants

[Customer 1 - Nicole Sullivan]
Don’t take off your pants!

[Donut Guy - Bryan Callen]
Okay.

[Customer 1 - Nicole Sullivan]
What’s wrong with you?

[Donut Guy - Bryan Callen]
Well, aside from my asym, my left foot hurts, I got two parking tickets this morning, and I have a slight headache.

[Customer 1 - Nicole Sullivan]
Is this a prank or something.

[Donut Guy - Bryan Callen]
Just, doing what you told me to do!

[Customer 2 - Phil LaMarr]
Hi, can I get an apple muffin, small de-cafe and the keys to your car!

[Customer 2 - Phil LaMarr]
Hi,

[Customer 1 - Nicole Sullivan]
Hi, he’s a friend of yours?

[Customer 2 - Phil LaMarr]
What, god no!

[Donut Guy - Bryan Callen]
Okay, that’s two dollars, and the left tire is a little low(gives car keys to Customer 2 – Phil LaMarr)

[Customer 2 - Phil LaMarr]
(pays two dollars and takes car keys)

[Donut Guy - Bryan Callen]
Thank you very much!

[Customer 1 - Nicole Sullivan]
Bye.

[Donut Guy - Bryan Callen]
I’m sorry about that, can I help you?

[Customer 1 - Nicole Sullivan]
Yah, lets finish up the dozen, with two dunken sticks.

[Customer 3 - Mary Scheer]
(walks in) Excuse me, can I just do something, quickly?

[Customer 1 - Nicole Sullivan]
Ya, go a head.

[Customer 3 - Mary Scheer]
Drop what you are doing? I need a large donut and recite a Alfred Lord Tennyson Poem.

[Donut Guy - Bryan Callen]
HE clasps the crag with crooked hands;
Close to the sun in lonely lands,
Ringed with the azure world, he stands.

[Donut Guy - Bryan Callen]
(gives the donut to Customer 3 – Mary Scheer) That will be one dollar please.

[Customer 3 - Mary Scheer]
Thank you.

[Donut Guy - Bryan Callen]
Thank you.

[Donut Guy - Bryan Callen]
(speaking to Customer 1 – Nicole Sullivan) Now that was two dunking sticks and?

[Customer 1 - Nicole Sullivan]
Donuts, right! Lets a butter milk cranberry, and hit yourself on the head.

[Donut Guy - Bryan Callen]
(hits himself on the head)

[Customer 1 - Nicole Sullivan]
You’ll do whatever I say, won’t you?

[Donut Guy - Bryan Callen]
As long as you are ordering donuts, yes!

[Customer 1 - Nicole Sullivan]
Oh, lets get the glazed with the chocolate chip, but do it solid gold Dancerish style.

[Donut Guy - Bryan Callen]
(dances)

[Customer 1 - Nicole Sullivan]
Okay, stop doing that, now I want a nut crunch and create world peace.

[Donut Guy - Bryan Callen]
I’m sorry Maam, this is just a donut shop.

[Customer 1 - Nicole Sullivan]
Oh, then find me a husband!

[Donut Guy - Bryan Callen]
With this ring, I thee wed. (holds a wedding ring in a box)

[Customer 1 - Nicole Sullivan]
Ewww, never mind, never mind. Do a back flip!

[Donut Guy - Bryan Callen]
(back-flips)

[Customer 1 - Nicole Sullivan]
Ha, ha, that’s incredible!!! Gosh, well I guess we have a dozen, Oh, the 13th donut for free, right?

[Donut Guy - Bryan Callen]
That’s right.

[Customer 1 - Nicole Sullivan]
Ah, lets get a Jelly!

[Donut Guy - Bryan Callen]
I’m sorry! We are out of Jelly!

[Customer 1 - Nicole Sullivan]
No, Jelly! What a day! Somebody shot me!

[Donut Guy - Bryan Callen]
Whatever you say, Maam! (pulls out a gun)

[Customer 1 - Nicole Sullivan]
(screams running out of the shop)

MADtv – Odd Guy At A Donut Shop. You’ll do whatever I say, won’t you? As long as you are ordering donuts, yes! Oh, lets get the glazed with the chocolate chip, but do it solid gold Dancerish style. (dances) Okay, stop doing that, now I want a nut crunch and create world peace. Complete Full Script, Dialogue, Remarks, Saying, Quotes, Words And Text For MADtv – Odd Guy At A Donut Shop.