Ray William Johnson – First Kiss

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[Ray William Johnson - First Kiss]

[Ray William Johnson (RayWJ)]
So I told her I’m not paying for your @bortion we can use that money to go to Six Flags – oh hi, what’s up guys? I didn’t see you standing there. So this first video went viral this week and it’s a clip from the show on TLC. Now this couple decided to wait until they get married to kiss for the first time.

[Virgin Diaries TLC - Clip]

[Champlain / Priest] Source: LYBIO.net
I now declare you to be husband and wife. Brian you may kiss your bride.

[Brian - Husband] Source: LYBIO.net
Really?

[Ray William Johnson (RayWJ)]
Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww – you know when your first kiss makes your dad face palm himself. You know your doing something wrong. So this video got 1,500,000 (a million and a half views) in just a few days. And as I said it’s for this TLC show called Virgin Diaries where they follow these virgin’s around – I don’t know ( I didn’t know I was pregnant ) ( TLC sister wives ) TLC’s gots some weird @ss shows and if this is their first kiss, I don’t wanna think about how they are gonna consummate this thing ( Consummate means interc)urse s#x ) And is this first base. What is a virgin’s base system like anyway? (I’ve spent more time on first base than Alber Pujols) First base is like Eskimo kisses. Second Base is butterfly kisses. Third base is marriage. And this disgusting disaster is a home run. And why in the hell would you wait till marriage anyway to kiss or even ( because nobody will f(beep)uck me! ) have s@x, cause you know one thing once you get married the s@x stops.

[Cool Transition] Source: LYBIO.net

[Ray William Johnson (RayWJ)] Source: LYBIO.net
So this next video is called My Tram Experience. You guys have probably already seen it cause it got 8,000,000 million views in the last few days. And I wasn’t even sure that I should review it because this women in this clip is incredibly racist.

[My Tram Experience - Clip]
Load of Black people and a load of f%ckin Polish
You ain’t British! You ain’t British!
Are you British?
YES I AM!
YES I AM!
You Ain’t British, Fu(beep)ck off!
You ain’t British You’re Black

[Ray William Johnson (RayWJ)]
Jesus where do I even start with this on? Oh I know. How about the fact that she’s got a damn kid on her lap! I’m sorry but this lady is absolutely evil.

HOW EVIL IS SHE?

[Ray William Johnson (RayWJ)] Source: LYBIO.net
Oh I’ll tell you!

[Ray William Johnson (RayWJ)]
She’s more evil than a Great White Shark who is a suicide bomber with a machete, she is more evil than Freddy Krueger if he were a Nazi who worked at the DMV. She is more evil than that little Clutch purse Mariah Carey had at the VMA’s. Now guys this video is super upsetting! So I thought hey – why don’t we try to make this funny – let’s add – I don’t know – some circus music.

[My Tram Experience Video Edit - Clip]
(circus music)

[Ray William Johnson (RayWJ)]
Ok, that didn’t make it funny. Ummm. Why don’t we add some fat clowns.

[My Tram Experience Video Edit - Clip] Source: LYBIO.net
(Insane Clown Posse Photo / Clown)

[Ray William Johnson (RayWJ)]
No, still not there. How about we add a laugh track, make a sitcom out of it.

[My Tram Experience Video Edit - Clip] Source: LYBIO.net
(laughing – Curb your Ethnicity) Produced by Larry David – Curb Your Ethnicity

[Ray William Johnson (RayWJ)]
Not even Larry David could make that video funny ( I can make anything funny )

[Cool Transition]

[Ray William Johnson (RayWJ)]
So this last footage is of this video that someone got of this Deer. Now this Deer, clearly failed s#xual harassment training.

[Young Buck Attempts To Mate With Blond Teen - Clip]

[Camera Dude]
Oh My God! I got it, I got it, I goooottttt it! It’s going to start humping you!

[Ray William Johnson (RayWJ)]
This is like every guy in the world after having a few beers, I mean all I’m really mad about is that this Deer stole my signature move. Hey hey hey it’s ok, your gonna be fine. Oh I love the guy who’s filming this thing especially this part.

[Camera Dude] Source: LYBIO.net
There’s a Deer chasing you (coughs) This is getting weird. Oh Oh – This is awkward.

[Ray William Johnson (RayWJ)]
Man! That is one persistent Deer, ain’t he? (Yes, Filming your girlfriend while a Deer F(beep)cks her would be awkward) This is like a horror movie like: when he rolled up to the car, he was like:

[Camera Dude]
He’s pissed! We gotta go.

[Girl In The Vehicle]
(screams)

[Deer]
Going somewhere?

[Ray William Johnson (RayWJ)]
So he may be harassing her a little bit but he seems like a nice Deer? (Let’s all dream together) So dream with me. If you will. If these two actually did go out on a date? What could possibly go wrong?

[Deer] Source: LYBIO.net
So what do your parents do?

[Girl]
Well, my dad’s a hunter!

X

[Girl]
Waiter! I’ll have the venison please.

[Deer]
Really

X

[Deer]
I must say madam I really fell a strong communication with you!

[Girl]
Ya, I’m having a really great time. Wo, wo, wo wait! You’re still a f(beep)uckin DEER!

X

[Ray William Johnson (RayWJ)] Source: LYBIO.net
You know what guys! I bet if they did get to that first kiss it still wouldn’t be as uncomfortable as this:

strong>[Virgin Diaries TLC - Clip]
(smooching sounds) mwah muah

X

[Ray William Johnson (RayWJ)]
But you know what else is awkward as hell? The comment question of the day which comes from a user name bam RedClipStudios1 and he said:

[RedClipStudios1]
Tell me guys! What’s your back up plan?

[Ray William Johnson (RayWJ)]
Oh wow – that was cool! So guys! What’s your back up plan? Leave your interesting or creative responses in the comment section below, or on Facebook, Twitter or Google +

[Cool Transition] Source: LYBIO.net

[Ray William Johnson]
But thanks for watching today’s episode of Equals Three (=3). I’m Ray William Johnson, and I approve this message. So really quick guys, before I got, me and a bunch of other dudes started this new animation channel it’s called: Animonster, you should go and check it out, it’s got a couple of different cartoon shows on it, it’s really cool, we appreciate your support and I’ll see you in a few days. So tell me guys what are you looking at?

[Out Takes - Ray William Johnson]
I’m not a virgin entirely by choice.

Ray William Johnson – First Kiss. This is like every guy in the world after having a few beers, I mean all I’m really mad about is that this Deer stole my signature move. Complete Full Script, Dialogue, Remarks, Saying, Quotes, Words And Text.