Jonathan Stuart Leibowitz
Jon Stewart – Chicago Style Pizza
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[Jon Stewart - Chicago Style Pizza]
[WARNING EXPLICIT LANGUAGE]
[Reporter:] Source: LYBIO.net
While New York city won today it’s no contest which city takes the cake when it comes to, well, just about everything else.
Deep dish pizza is quite good.
[Jon Stewart (Jonathan Stuart Leibowitz; November 28, 1962):] Source: LYBIO.net
Okay, I was gonna be nice but now you’ve gone too far. So let me explain something, Deep Dish Pizza is not only not better than New York pizza, it’s not pizza. It’s a fucking casserole.
I’m surprised you haven’t thought to complete your Deep Dish Pizza by putting some canned onion rings on top of it. It’s a corn bread biscuit which you melted cheese on and then in defiance of God and man and all things holy, you’ve poured uncooked marinara sauce ‘atop’ the cheese. ‘Atop’, the cheese, on top the sauce; naked, cold, on display like some sort of sauce whore.
You know the expression “there’s no such thing as bad sex or bad pizza” your pizza is like sex with a corpse made of sandpaper. Let me tell you something!
This is not pizza, this is tomato soup in a bread bowl. This, is in an above ground marinara swimming pool for rats. Let me tell you something about your fucking not pizza, I wanna know, when I get drunk and pass out on my pizza that I’m not gonna drown.
Let me tell you something, I look at this. I look at this…mahron [moron]…you son of a bitch I look at this…me aahh…gaba goo..I-look at this. When I look at your deep dish fucking pizza, I dont know weather to eat it, or throw a coin in it and make a wish. And if I’d made a wish, it would be that I wish for some real fucking pizza.
Now, now in all due respect, I realize it’s very cold in Chicago, very cold it’s windy you need to be able to – I don’t know have a pizza and maybe cut it open and climb inside it like a tauntaun,
to keep you warm.
Seriously, who you – who you kidding? Who uses an iron skillet to make a pizza? You don’t use an iron skillet to make a pizza, you use an iron skillet to fend off someone who tries to serve you a fucking pizza made with a skillet.
Here’s how you know I’m right, you call it Chicago style pizza you call it Deep Dish Pizza, stuffed pizza, you know what we call it you know what we call this, know we call this? Pizza. Oh that’s nice and by the way you don’t put tomatoes and celery salt on fucking hot dogs either, you know what I’m saying?
Everybody knows there’s three acceptable condiments for a hot dog,there’s mustard, onions and stagnant cart water. That’s it! We’ll be right back.
Jon Stewart – Chicago Style Pizza – Deep Dish Pizza. This is not pizza, this is tomato soup in a bread bowl. This, is in an above ground marinara swimming pool for rats. Complete Full Transcript, Dialogue, Remarks, Saying, Quotes, Words And Text.
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