Ben Folds – Chatroulette Piano Ode To Merton

[Explicit Language Warning]

[Text]
ode to Merton
Night One
Charlotte, NC
there are dirty words
…but we edited out the penises

[Connected, feel free to talk now]
[Partner](?????)

[Connected, feel free to talk now]
[Partner] (guy waving to the camera)

[Ben Folds]
I’m sad, I’m sad, we’ve come to cheer you up, don’t be sad. Don’t be sad, 2,000 people here in Charlotte are here to cheer you up.

[Connected, feel free to talk now]
[Partner] (shirtless man)

[Ben Folds]
Hello Mister Shirtless man. How are you doing today. Is it hot in there.

[Connected, feel free to talk now]
[Partner] (Your partner disconnected. Reconnecting…)

[Connected, feel free to talk now]
[Partner] (Partners camera is enabled and we see a paper written: If you turn your head I ……)

[Ben Folds]
There’s a note on a white piece of paper, what does it say, is there really a person in there, show your face if there is, show your face if there is, alright. I can’t read sideways. I gotta play minor chords, gonna read sideways, if you turn your head, I win,

[Partner] (Doesn’t turn head but draws lines sideways)

[Ben Folds]
Ahhhhh, you win! You win! Can you write your name, for us, we want to sing a song for you, you want a song, if you write your fuckin name,

[Partner] (Writes: Bobby)

[Ben Folds]
Bobby, ohh, Bobby, Bobby likes to play some games he can win. I hope you win more than an asshole playing piano with 2,000 people in Charlotte. Booby.

[Ben Folds]
Bobby.

[Audience]
Bobby.

[Ben Folds]
Bobby.

[Audience]
Bobby.

[Ben Folds]
Bobby.

[Audience]
Bobby.

[Ben Folds]
Bobby.

[Audience]
Bobby.

[Ben Folds]
Bobby.

[Audience]
Bobby.

[Ben Folds]
Bobby.

[Audience]
Bobby.

[Ben Folds]
You win.

[Ben Folds]
Okay, one more and than ????

[Connected, feel free to talk now]
[Partner] (Dude siting on a chair with his knee up)

[Ben Folds]
I’m sitting around playing the piano, how you doing there, you’re looking so laid back, you got a knee its bigger than the rest of you, is it a knee, I think it’s a knee, could it be, your dick.

[Connected, feel free to talk now]
[You disconnected]
[Looking for a random stranger]

[Ben Folds]
You know we are really having a good um… What?

[Connected, feel free to talk now]
[Partner] (Dude sitting on the toilet with toilet paper in his hand]

[Ben Folds]
Hey, man sitting on the toilet, sit on the toilet can, Hey man, sitting on the toilet with your toilet roll, I look up and you’re there, Ben’s back, back with the toilet paper, Hey Ben, on the can, is everything coming out alright? It’s good to be regular Ben. I hope you’ve eaten your bran Ben.

[Connected, feel free to talk now]
[Stranger(Ben): hell ya]
[Stranger(Ben): you guys love u]

[Ben Folds]
We love you too, clean up your can Ben. God bless, Ben.

[Connected, feel free to talk now]
[Partner](unidentified)

[Ben Folds]
Who waiting, who we waiting, someones baiting, and we’re waiting, feel free to talk to a man in the dark, a middle aged man sitting there in the dark, make yourself known now, free to talk now, we’re gonna change the channel on you, creepy mutherfucker in the dark.

[Connected, feel free to talk now]
[Partner](Dude holding a lighter)

[Ben Folds]
If I leave here tomorrow.

Ben Folds – Chatroulette Piano Ode To Merton. Complete Full Text, Lyrics, Words By Ben Folds – Chatroulette Piano Ode To Merton. Benjamin Scott “Ben” Folds (born September 12, 1966) is an American singer-songwriter, multi-instrumentalist, and the former frontman of the alternative rock band Ben Folds Five.