David Letterman – Tribute – Kennedy Center Honors, 2012

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[David Letterman - Tribute - Kennedy Center Honors, 2012]

Ladies and gentlemen Tina Fey.

[Tina Fey] Source: LYBIO.net
David Letterman began his career as a Choreographer and Black Opera Singer in the early 1950s, just so that one day he could qualify for this award. Mr. David Letterman, as I call him out of respect and fear, has unknowingly been a family friend of mine since I was 10 years old. My mom Jeanne and I spent every weekday morning of the summer of 1980 watching ‘The David Letterman Show.’ Who was this Dave Letterman guy? Well, was he a brilliant, subtle, passive-aggressive parody of a talk show host? Or just some Midwestern goon who was a little bit off? Well, here we are, 32 years later, and time has proven that there’s really just no way of knowing.

By the time, I left for college Late Night had cemented its place as the epicenter of culture for anybody who wasn’t a dope. Every single boy I went to college with was basically doing a twenty-four hour a day David Letterman impression, they would whenever possible use old timey phrases like ‘program’ and ‘goof’ and ‘for the love of God, folks don’t try this at home’, and it really worked to make me like them.

And I am not embarrassed to say that by graduation, I had been turned down by dozens of David Letterman impersonators. But the joke’s on you college nerds because I grew up to be an off brand weirdo. And I have been if the internet is to be believed lucky enough to appear on The Late Show with David Letterman 15 times, only sometimes because somebody more important had cancelled. (laughing) Yes, I have met Mr. David Letterman 15 times and I feel like now, if I saw him in a restaurant, I actually know him well enough to know that he would not want me to bother him. (laughing)

Dave is someone you watch not because you like him but because you fantasize that he would like you. In fact, you could argue that Mr. Letterman is at his best, when he’s interviewing someone you suspect, maybe, he doesn’t like at all. Whether it’s calling Bill O’Reilly a bonehead, or asking Paris Hilton about eating hard-boiled eggs in jail. (laughing) It’s really a piece of poetry watch it again if you haven’t seen it lately. Or just sitting back and letting Madonna be a high-status dumb-dumb.

David Letterman is the professor emeritus at the ‘Here’s Some More Rope’ Institute. And tonight, we declare it officially: my mom was right, David Letterman you are an American treasure, like the Grand Canyon, or the Chicago Skyline, or the top two Kardashians. (laughing)

[Dave’s Mom] Source: LYBIO.net
Top 10 Reasons, I love being Dave’s mom. Here we go number 10.

[Dave’s Mom]
When I see him on his show, I know he is not in jail.

[David Michael Letterman (born April 12, 1947)]
That’s right, it’s just that simple.

[Voice Over]
Meet the Letterman’s an Indiana family as normal as pie, and then there was Dave, hoping for a date with destiny. It was at college that he found out what he was good at, fooling around on camera. He headed west for the secret wish to be funny enough to be invited on the Johnny Carson Show. He labored three years in the Jungles of the television. Then he got the call, the curtains part, your heart is pounding, and all the time you are wondering what will Johnny say?

[John William "Johnny" Carson (October 23, 1925 – January 23, 2005)]
I have a feeling with the shot on this show tonight you are going to be working a lot outside the comedy story.

[David Letterman]
Thank you.

[Johnny Carson]
Great. I’ll be coming back for this.

[David Letterman]
I’d love to, thank you very much.

[Johnny Carson] Source: LYBIO.net
We’ll be right back.

[Voice Over]
He went from Johnny’s guest to guest host then got a morning show of his own.

[David Letterman]
Something…

[Voice Over]
The great show wrong time of day. What he needed was a timeslot so late he’ll be free to try anything. This is what kids were watching after their parents went to bed.

[David Letterman]
Hi, I’m Mr. Curious.

[Police]
Mr. Curious.

[David Letterman]
Mr. Curious. Yeah, I just want to ask you a couple of questions? What do you do for living?

[Police]
I’m a mail man.

[Arnold Schwarzenegger]
So it’s going to go through the roof.

[David Letterman] Source: LYBIO.net
Those steroids, by the way, apparently don’t affect your ego, do they?

[Voice Over]
It was a new territory for a talk show and a new kind of funny. Dave had dreamed of inheriting his hero’s throne and timeslot. When he didn’t get it CBS grabbed him and hoped his young audience would follow, and so began the next 20 years of Dave’s revolutionary ride.

[David Letterman]
You got a big house, everybody has seen it on TV.

[Hillary Rodham Clinton]
Yes.

[David Letterman]
Every idiot in the area is going to drive by honking now.

[Hillary Rodham Clinton]
Was that you? That I suspect.

[David Letterman]
Okay.

[Voice Over]
After thirty years Dave is still unhinging the doors of comedy and that’s why we keep watching, as we never know where he’ll go.

[David Letterman]
You are from, as I recall you’re from Bangladesh?

[Street Shop Owner]
Yes.

[Street Shop Owner (person 2)]
Yeah, I’m from Bangladesh.

[David Letterman] Source: LYBIO.net
Okay.

[David Letterman]
Does she share the materials?

[Young Girl]
Yes.

[David Letterman]
Oh, she does.

[Young Girl]
Yeah, but when she goes out on them.

[David Letterman]
Does she work well with others?

[Young Girl]
Sort of…

[David Letterman]
Great.

[Young Girl]
Oh when she…

[David Letterman]
Is she constantly interrupting?

[Young Girl]
You are.

[Voice Over] Source: LYBIO.net
The guy who broke all the rules became the most decorated man in television. Now every night there are bright young comedians all over America inspired by David Letterman.

[Voice Over]
Ladies and gentlemen Alec Baldwin.

[Alec Baldwin]
Watching the Late Show with David Letterman is like being on a roller coaster. It’s exhilarating. It’s also dangerous, scary, it makes you sweat and sometimes when it’s over, you throw up, and that’s just the viewers. Now we know that Dave has funded at our expense. So we wanted to cook up something to turn the tables on him, something that would get him out of his comfort zone, something that would make him squirm, something he would hate.

So tonight we’re giving him the Kennedy Center Award. It’s perfect. First, Dave, had to travel all the way from New York City to Washington, D.C. a journey of 200 miles on a private jet. We have him sit in a box and watch artists perform for two full hours. Put him in a big room full of people he doesn’t know. Make him wear a tux, with plain old black socks. And then, we don’t let him say anything.

[Voice Over]
Ladies and gentlemen Jimmy Kimmel.

[Jimmy Kimmel]
For any entertainer being honored at the Kennedy Center is the crowning moment of a long and outstanding career. And for David Letterman this is also unquestionable the single worst night of his life. Look at him, I know he’s smiling but that metal hanging around his neck, there is a 40% chance he’ll hang himself with it. But despite the fact that he will hate every seconds of this.

I’m here tonight to talk about how great Dave is and what he means to me as a talk show host and as a woman. In February of 1983 when Late Night with David Letterman went on the air I was 15 years old and lucky enough to have a little black and white TV set in my bedroom. Every night after my parents went into their room to molest each other. I would stay up late secretly watching Johnny Carson and then I started staying up later to watch the guy who went on after him. And while I love Johnny, I felt in love with Dave. Source: LYBIO.net

When I turned 16, I blew out the candles on a Late Night with David Letterman cake; that my mom made me, my first car had a Late Night Vanity Plate; I drew pictures of Dave on the covers of all my textbooks; I started a Late Night with David Letterman club in high school to me, it wasn’t just a TV show, it was the reason I would fail to make love to a live woman for many, many years to come.

Every night I wanted to be David Letterman. All my friends wanted to be David Letterman. Ironically, the only person who didn’t want to be David Letterman is David Letterman. And that’s a shame because you, Dave, are the funniest, the smartest, the weirdest, the coolest, and the best one ever, hands down. LYBIO.net And the greatest thrill of my career came last month when Dave agreed to be a guest on my show, he could tell, I was nervous, so right before the show he came to my dressing room and just held me, but Dave whether you like it or not, you are my hero and you are a hero to most everyone in this room with the possible exception of the people who came to see the ballerina. No one who will ever measure up to you it’s impossible because we wouldn’t know how to do this without you. You taught us, you inspired us and most of all you made us laugh really hard, thank you, Dave.

[Voice Over]
Ladies and gentleman Ray Romano.

[Raymond Romano] Source: LYBIO.net
I have always thought as a performer the last thing you want to do is bomb in front of Led Zeppelin, yeah, just, you’re a big part of my [childhood] that I lost my virginity to the first two minutes of ‘Stairway to Heaven’ seriously, I did. And I apologize for the next 11 that’s a long song.

But, while Led Zeppelin was very memorable in my life, David Letterman changed my life. I was 36 years old I have been doing standup for about 11 years, making a modest living and I remember early in that year, I thought I had my big break, I got cast in a [SICOM] and it was very exciting a three little kids, my wife and I were living in Queens, we started to film the Pilot and after day one of rehearsal I got fired. Yes, it was rough, but I didn’t even think of quitting because Dave was out there, he was where I wanted to go, yes, I got fired, but do you quit, do you quit, you want to win the world series, do you quit, you’re down one game to nothing, no, you keep going, you keep going. Do you quit, when you’re down 1-0 in debates? No, no, you keep going. I have to tell you I sometimes wonder where I would be, if that wasn’t for Dave, where any of us comics would be, I’d still be doing stand-up because that’s what I love to do, I’d probably be on the road every now and then I guess I’d have to do Kimmel. He’s still…

Jimmy Kimmel: right here.

[Raymond Romano]
But Dave who is the best, and I had just on your show and then it was three days later this is – I remember exactly where I was, it was a Saturday and we got a phone call at my house, my wife told me it’s the Letterman people and I don’t know, I was just little worried; I was like well you know there’s someone see me steal the mug, why are they calling me?

And it was a producer who said Dave likes what he saw, he wants to talk about signing into a development deal and possibly developing a show and that show was Everybody Loves Raymond yeah. Here is the thing Dave, I know you hate all this, but if you believe one thing, believe that what Johnny Carson was for you, you are for the rest of all of us here, I don’t want to get [shmalty], I don’t want to end, because I’m not good at that; I know you are not good, but you know what the hell of it.

My father passed away, I never told him I loved him, Dave, I know you’re only 65, you look good, the heart’s working, but I ain’t taking any chances I love you Dave Letterman.

[Jimmy Kimmel]
Ray, I just want to ask few question?

[Raymond Romano] Source: LYBIO.net
Yes.

[Jimmy Kimmel]
When you are on the late show, does Dave talk to you, during the commercial breaks?

[Raymond Romano]
I tried to initiate conversation.

[Jimmy Kimmel]
Like what, what do you do?

[Raymond Romano]
I don’t – that’s just I can never figure out what’s the talk about, I remember before one appearance, I actually raised my cholesterol just so we’d have something in common. Yeah, how about, I think, he doesn’t talk to you at all?

[Jimmy Kimmel]
No, but I can sometimes tell that he is thinking about me.

[Raymond Romano]
Yes, I had a few of those.

[Jimmy Kimmel]
Alec, does he talk to you?

Alec Baldwin: Since he stopped smoking cigars, we have nothing to say to each other at all.

[Jimmy Kimmel]
Oh, Tina, does Dave talk to you?

[Tina Fey]
Oh, yeah, oh, yeah, we talk all the time.

[Raymond Romano]
No.

[Tina Fey]
Yeah, We’ll talk about everything, yeah. Kids, Kids, what we are doing on the weekend, books for reading yes,

[Raymond Romano] Source: LYBIO.net
You don’t get paid more than us though, right?

[Tina Fey]
No, everybody get scaled.

[Raymond Romano]
It’s scaled?

[Tina Fey]
Yeah.

[Raymond Romano]
$600, what is, scale is like 600 and

[Jimmy Kimmel]
Something like that.

[Raymond Romano]
$678, I think?

[Tina Fey]
Yeah.

[Raymond Romano]
Oh, it’s $296 after taxes.

[Tina Fey]
Oh.

[Alec Baldwin] Source: LYBIO.net
Hey David Letterman, thank you for all you’ve done for all of us.

[Tina Fey]
For all of us, everywhere.

[Jimmy Kimmel]
You’ve heard us say wonderful things about you tonight, we are really sorry I promise this won’t happen again.

[Raymond Romano] Source: LYBIO.net
Thank you, Dave.

David Letterman – Tribute – Kennedy Center Honors, 2012. Dave is someone you watch not because you like him but because you fantasize that he would like you. In fact, you could argue that Mr. Letterman is at his best, when he’s interviewing someone you suspect, maybe, he doesn’t like at all. Complete Full Transcript, Dialogue, Remarks, Saying, Quotes, Words And Text.