Bill Burr There Is NO Reason To Hit A Woman Quotes

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Bill Burr – There Is NO Reason To Hit A Woman

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[Bill Burr – There Is NO Reason To Hit A Woman]

[WARNING EXPLICIT LANGUAGE]

[William “Bill” Burr] Source: LYBIO.net
One time she was watching this show. It was like a poor excuse for The View and they started talking about domestic violence. All right, for the nine-millionth time this year, they’re talking about domestic violence. Just in case, you know, you didn’t get the memo, you know. Evidently, you know, just some people didn’t get it. It’s not okay to slam your wife’s head into the cupboard drawers because she didn’t dry the can opener off properly, you know.

It’s gonna fuckin’ rust, right. How do you not know not to do that shit? Do they really have to keep talking about it? Who, who — it’s like wife beaters watching for oh! Fuck, now I get it. Upsy daisy, sweet heart; here we go – aww. There you go.

So at the end of the hour, they come to the logical conclusion. They’re like there is no reason to hit a woman. There is no reason to hit a woman. And I was just like, really? I could give you like 17 right off the top of my head. You can wake me from a drunken stupor; I could still give you like nine. Dude, there’s plenty of reasons to hit a woman, you just don’t do it.

But to sit there and suggest that there’s no reason; dude, the level of ego behind that statement, what are you levitating above the rest of us, you’re never annoying? Women, how many times have you thought about slapping your fuckin’ guy in the head this week?

[Audience]
Everyday!

[Bill Burr] Source: LYBIO.net
There you go, every day. You didn’t do it, right? Dude, it drives me nuts. There’s no reason, there’s no reason. Really, no reason? How about this? You marry a girl, you fall in love, you buy her a house. You go to work every day paying off the house, you come home one day, she’s banging the next door neighbor, hands you divorce papers. You’ve got to move out, sleep on a futon and still pay for that house that she’s gonna stay in. No reason.

I’m not saying you should do it. But there’s plenty of fuckin’ reasons in that arc of that story. No, that’s the thing. Really, that’s the thing. I hate that saying there’s no reason. Obviously, I’m saying to hit a woman, you know. But saying there’s no reason, I think that’s crazy. When you say there’s no reason that kills any sort of examination as to how two people ended up at that, at that place. If you say there’s no reason -you cut out the build up, you’re just left with the act. How are you going to solve it if you don’t figure it out?

Look how awkward it is in here right now. I said you shouldn’t hit a woman. I’m just saying how come you can’t ask questions. You can only ask questions about what the guy did, you can never ask about the woman, why is that?

[Audience]
Answer him right.

Why is that? What’s that?

[Audience]
Answer him right.

[Bill Burr] Source: LYBIO.net
What does — what does answer him right mean? What does that mean? Are you the idiot who got up halfway through the special during the bit and you’re like walking around like I’m not fuckin’ taping a special here? What’s wrong with you? What’s wrong with you? Fuckin’, had to ignore all of that and now you’re going to like yell out and not only that, yell something that makes no fuckin’ sense whatsoever?

Answer him, answer him.

Every fuckin’ special I do there is always one, always right down the fuckin’ middle. Talking about hitting women sweetheart and I think you just added another reason. Jesus fuckin’ Christ. Look at this, I’m not even in a relationship with her and she’s fuckin’ nagging me. It’s fuckin’ unbelievable.

Look, I understand hitting a woman is a bad thing, okay. How come you can’t fuckin’ ask questions? I just don’t understand. Like if I get bit by a rattlesnake, wouldn’t you guys have some questions, all right? How did it happen? Did you not see it? Were you fuckin’ with it? How did a snake get so mad, it almost killed you? Firemen put out a fire; they don’t just drive away afterwards. They sift through the debris. How did it start? Here’s an oily rag, right?

[Bill Burr] Source: LYBIO.net
Look, I realize I’m coming off pretty ignorant right about now. I realize that. Let me extend an olive branch, then okay. I realize that there are some animal guys out there, okay. Horrible guys, you know, have a rough day at the factory, come home, tuna casserole and just start swinging, all right. I’m not trying to say that those people don’t exist. I realize they exist. They should be buried underneath the prison, okay. So if I can admit that, ladies, can you at least admit that every ass kicking doesn’t just fall out of the fuckin’ sky? Really?

Even hockey has two minutes for instigating, right? They understand that some back and forth happened before that shit — you know. You know what it is? It’s every case is handled like that Rihanna one where they just say, the guy is a piece of shit. Fuck this guy; blah, blah, blah, send him to jail and then they never ask anything about that. You know, I’m not saying he should have done it. But I’m just saying – I’m just saying, dude, in your heart to hearts, what do you think was going down before that happened? You think she was just sitting there going, oh my God, Baskin Robins, you want to get some ice-cream? [Oh fuck-it]

You know, or they maybe – they were having some epic end to the relationship fight and some crazy shit was being said. Maybe, she was screaming in his ears, some crazy female shit like, oh fuck all your friends, I don’t give a fuck. Maybe that’s why I sell more albums to you, motherfucker. Right? To be fair, she could have just been sitting there, going I need a tissue; do you keep those in the glove box? Oh my God, I’ll bring them out. I’ll bring them out.

You know fuck that because you know what it is? They never address how women argue which I think is the core of a lot of that shit, you know. And I’ve got to tell you something man, like, I never knew how women argued. But after 20 years of losing every significant battle in a relationship, I finally figured out how they argued. I’m gonna tell you something. I’m starting to turn this franchise around.

I have begun a winning tradition. This is how they argue as far as I can tell, all right. If they’re right, they argue the point. And they stay on point and make sure you stay on point until you’re down on your knees, apologizing, begging for forgiveness, all right. No problem with that, totally respect it. But here’s the thing. If they’re wrong, they go rogue. They go off road. They start thinking of shit you’re sensitive about. Maybe, you don’t get along with your dad and in their head they just start concocting this evil statement, totally designed – this desperate, Hail Mary attempt to make you so fuckin’ mad, you just call them a cunt.

[Bill Burr] Source: LYBIO.net
That’s what it is? And cunt trumps all the bullshit they did to start the argument. Now it’s now about that one, well there’s no reason to call me a cunt. And then that’s it, you’re in this room now, right? And they won’t hook up with you for a couple of days, who cares. Who cares, you rub one out. Rub one out like a man; it’s a champagne of victory.

Bill Burr – There Is NO Reason To Hit A Woman. You think she was just sitting there going, oh my God, Baskin Robins, you want to get some ice-cream? Complete Full Transcript, Dialogue, Remarks, Saying, Quotes, Words And Text.

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