Samantha Bee Ask NRA Members To Switch Cults Join Scientology

Samantha Bee Ask NRA Members To Switch Cults Join Scientology

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[Samantha Bee Ask NRA Members To Switch Cults Join Scientology]

Samantha Bee: Source: LYBIO.net
Welcome to Full Frontal. I am Samantha Bee. Oh my gosh, you are so nice. While these amazing kids were providing the leadership on guns we sorely need, our actual leaders continue to do nothing but hope that the news cycle will move on, thoughts and prayers guys. They’re proving to be as tone-deaf as a guy who owns all of Mike Huckabee’s albums. That’s too mean. Say what you want about Huckabee’s music but his son did murder a dog. Of course, pundits think they know the real reason we can’t have not riddled with bullet-holes things.

Cornell Belcher:
You have a Congress that is bought and sold and owned by the special interests, that is the NRA.

Governor Dannel Malloy:
The majority have been bought and owned by the NRA.

Maria Cardona:
… bought and paid for by the NRA.

Samantha Bee:
They’re not completely wrong: Politicians are bought, and they’re pretty cheap. You can buy Ted Cruz for just four cans of chunky soup and a promise to come to his improv show. But tracking how the NRA actually influences lawmakers is a little more complicated than by himself.

Dana Bash:
The explosion of money that the NRA is spending in elections. Most of it, the yellow part, most of it is outside spending, meaning not directly to the candidates.

Ali Velshi: Source: LYBIO.net
This is why the NRA is so feared in Congress, it all has to do with the ad spending. A Washington Post analysis finds the NRA ads were critical in several battleground states including North Carolina, Ohio and Pennsylvania.

Samantha Bee:
Guns don’t kill political careers, the NRA does and lawmakers are scared stiff of attack ads like this one.

[NRA Commercial]

Landed. Miami.
Love You. Good night.

It happens like that. The police can’t get there in time. But Mary Landrieu voted to take away your gun rights. Defend your freedom. Defeat Mary Landrieu.

NRA

Samantha Bee: Source: LYBIO.net
Oh my god! Mary Landrieu is outside and she’s going to kill your family. Why did your husband go to Miami on the full moon that’s when Mary Landrieu hungers. And it works. Lawmakers know they have to appear to be faithful disciples of the NRA. Look I get it, I’d never say that Ted Turner’s mustache looks like a bed skirt, my job is too important to me. Most of us know the NRA is a lobbying group for gun manufacturers but to its hardcore members, it is more than that.

JANUARY 6, 2015

Warren Cassidy:
The base of the National Rifle Association believes so strongly, it’s more a religion, or what a religion used to be.

Samantha Bee:
Yes, the NRA is like a religion specifically the best religion, Scientology. Now I am not saying that Scientology and gun culture are exactly the same. I mean for one Scientology’s got away better songs.

[MUSIC PLAYS] [CHURCH OF SCIENTOLOGY] Hey La De Dah, Hey La De We Stand Tall. Oh Yes.

Samantha Bee: Source: LYBIO.net
Oh Scientologists, any group that has Tom Cruise as its figurehead cannot call themselves tall. At first, I thought it was ridiculous to compare these two organizations. But then I did a Google Image search and I thought maybe there is something here both of these cults are based on fanciful myths that when repeated enough, they’re otherwise intelligent followers start to believe. One says that 75 million years ago, an intergalactic warlord nuked billions of people in volcanoes. And then there’s the really crazy myth that guns have nothing to do with gun violence. Both organizations despise the media, Scientology has no greater enemy than the press, except maybe whoever is in charge of painting on John Travolta’s hair. And the NRA attacks the media was glammed up spokes block, Dana Loesch.

Dana Loesch:
They use their media to assassinate real news. To every lying member of the media. To the Joy-Ann Reids, the Morning Joes, the Mikas. To those who stain honest reporting with partisanship. To those who bring bias and propaganda to CNN, The Washington Post and The New York Times… your time is running out.

Samantha Bee:
Why didn’t she mention this Samantha Bees, we think she’s awful too. Both the NRA and Scientology also have delusions of grandeur.

Wayne LaPierre:
The only thing that stops a bad guy with a gun, is a good guy with a gun.

Tom Cruise:
Being a Scientologist, when you drive past an accident, it’s not like anyone else. As you drive past, you know you have to do something about it, because you know you’re the only one that can really help.

Samantha Bee: Source: LYBIO.net
Argh, if I had known how crazy Tom Cruise is I wouldn’t have wasted so many nights making out with his picture. Both of these messianic cults push the narrative that only they can save the world but if you join them you can share in their power. They’ll make you a superhero whether that means healing the sick with your mind or making a kill shot on a mass murderer despite being unable to even hit the toilet bowl when you’re taking a leak. And the only thing you need to do to get that awesome power is keep buying things from them.

Scientologists may spend hundreds of thousands of dollars on all the books, courses and e-meters that the church pressures them to buy. While NRA members are constantly told to buy guns, ammo, accessories, even gun related home furnishing. So you’re always ready to blow someone away in style. Oh, that’s so weird. Why would he put a gun in his tactical sandwich cubby, sleeping makes me so hungry.

Fortunately much like Scientology, the money-making scheme that is the NRA is starting to crack under scrutiny, corporate America is slowly pushing back against the gun lobby’s demands. Last fall in the NRA’s home state of Virginia, Democrats swept all of the state’s major offices after campaigning against the organization.

And in Florida, we are seeing slight concessions to gun control from Governor Rick Scott, a fiercely pro-gun Republican in America’s only elected official, who also happens to be half bullet.

Samantha Bee: Source: LYBIO.net
It’s not easy but you can break-free from this brainwashing cult. So if any NRA members are hate watching us right now, there is hope.

NRA members we’re calling on you to break-free from the NRA and join Scientology instead. Scientology can fill all the holes in your soul that the NRA currently does. It will bless you with fear, power fantasies, a creepily ageless leader and merch! Is Scientology safe? Of course not, it’s bonkers. But it’s like, safer for the rest of us. So if it keeps you from feeling like you need to load up on AR-15s, then Hail Xenu or whatever-the-fuck.

Who needs a rifle to defend themselves when as an OT-7, you could blow someone away with your brain? Pooff! That’s the stopping power of Scientology.

Hey, buddy. I know you like to be part of something small and universally disrespected. So why not try Scientology? Because if you volunteer to be Kirstie Alley’s boat slave, at least you’re only hurting yourself. We’ll be right back.

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Samantha Bee Ask NRA Members To Switch Cults Join Scientology. NRA members we’re calling on you to break-free from the NRA and join Scientology instead. Complete Full Transcript, Dialogue, Remarks, Saying, Quotes, Words And Text.