Pete Davidson On Jimmy Kimmel Live
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[Pete Davidson On Jimmy Kimmel Live]
[Pete Davidson (born November 16, 1993):] Source: LYBIO.net
Yeah, how are you guys? Cool! I wish I could say the same. I’m not very happy. I just moved out of my mom’s house, and I just turned 20, and it’s over. [Laughs] I’m not going to make it. Look at me. I’m not going to make it. I’m 6′ 3″. I’m 145 pounds. I have a problem with wind. [Laughs] I don’t even know what race I am. [Laughs] I’m all miscellaneous in the face. [Laughs] Like, my mom tells be I’m white, but I can see my lips from here. [Laughs] I don’t understand.
Now I uh being miscellaneous my whole life now. Now I just kind of go along with it. I embrace it whenever girls are like, hey, man, are you Puerto Rican? I’m like, yes. I’m a six foot, three Puerto Rican. Oh, man I just dropped out of college. That was my big move this year. Yeah. I dropped out, because I was dorming and I didn’t like dorming. That’s it. I just left. I didn’t like it. I think it was cause like the first morning, me and my roommates, we all woke up with an erection, and we were like this isn’t for any of us. This is creepy.
And like then you know who is like bigger, so like that guy makes all the decisions for the dorm. You know like I’ll be, hey, you guys want to go to the movies, and he’d be like we are not going to the movies. I’d be like, okay, just checking.
I only grew with my mom. I didn’t have dad going up. So I don’t know how to talk to women very well, because my mom taught me – basically moms just tell you bunch of stuff that their husbands never told you and like that’s how they teach you.
Yeah, my mom, you know when you’re talking to ladies, look into her eyes, tell her she is beautiful, be respectful, don’t touch. None of that stuff works. It doesn’t. I never had that dad figure. Dads know how to teach you how to get laid. I never had that dad to be like, all right son, when the time comes, whip it out and be like, wooo-what are we gonna to do about this.
Oh man. I just got out of my first relationship very happy. And because she wanted to get married and I was like no, I have acne, we can’t. I’m still between acne creams right now. I can’t even commit to an acne cream. Sure I get urged, I felt bad, because she was like well, if you don’t stay with me, I’m going to kill myself, because you’re the only reason why I’m living. And I felt really bad. So I was like, listen, if this is the only reason why you are living you should probably kill yourself. Alright – so.. you know.
There’s a lot of good TV shows out right now. I think about killing myself all the time and I was like, ah, Walking Dead is coming back. All right, yeah. I can live another three months.
[Pete Davidson:] Source: LYBIO.net
Another reason why we broke up is because we watched this movie called The Vow. Has anybody ever seen it? Yeah, well basically she cried the entire time and I did too, because I was laughing. The movie is awful. If you don’t know what it is basically Channing Tatum and Rachel McAdams are married in like the first scene. They get into a car accident and luckily she goes through the windshield. And uh – it’s my favorite part, because it’s like slow motions. So you get to enjoy it.
So she goes through the windshield, she end up losing her memory and she doesn’t remember that she is married. Movie should have been over right there, that’s it – should have been a short film about some lady to wear seat belt. That’s all it needed to be. No, it was awful, because like now the rest of this movie this poor guy is trying to make his wife fall back in love with him, because she don’t remember him.
That would never happen, ever. That was me and I walked into the hospital room and I’m walked in my wife’s room and I’m just like, honey, are you okay? And she is like who are you? I will be like, wrong room. I’m sorry. That’s my time. Thank you very much. Love you. Thank you. Thank you.
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Pete Davidson On Jimmy Kimmel Live. I just moved out of my mom’s house, and I just turned 20, and it’s over. Comedy Transcript, Dialogue, Remarks, Saying, Quotes, Words And Text.