Moran Cerf – Moth GrandSLAM Winning Story – Theme – Big Breaks
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[Moran Cerf – Moth GrandSLAM Winning Story – Theme – Big Breaks]
[WARNING EXPLICIT LANGUAGE]
And Moran, Am I saying right? Moran, you do say his name better than I can, but let’s give it up for Moran, who is awesome and amazing and applaud.
[Moran Cerf:] Source: LYBIO.net
Thank you. All right, I came here like six months ago in Brighton told me just put your name in the hat and there I am.
So 10 years ago I used to break into banks to make a living. I used to steal anything between a thousand dollars to ten thousand dollars a week or every two weeks. And I was part of a team of three people, we were hackers. We had a little office in downtown Tel Aviv in Israel, and we would break into banks and steal their money, then we would cash it, go back to the owners of the bank and tell them, look we stole your money.
Why don’t you secure your bank better, give us a little bit of that and let us secure your bank, and help you close everything. So the bad guys wouldn’t actually steal your money. And we did it occasionally and I loved this job. I mainly loved telling that I do this job in parties, because it felt such a cool thing and my life was so exciting.
And deep inside I always wanted to be a scientist. I wanted to be a scientist, but I felt that I never have never topped that like I can never have as an exciting life as a scientist as much as I have as a hacker.
So it’s September, 2000 and we have a little job to break into a little bank in Israel in Tel Aviv. It was a very small bank that has very few branches, and we do a pretty good job. We have two weeks to break into it and after five days we tear it apart. So we can do whatever we want, we can transfer money from one account to another, we can look at all the information of everyone, and we did our job and I’m ready to just sign off on this thing and send it to the Board of Directors.
And then Tammy, one of the members of my team, she comes to me and she said “Have you seen the job description?” And I say, “Yeah, it’s the same one as we always get.” And she says, “Yeah, but did you read it carefully?” And she hands me the paper with job description and it reads something like the team can try any means of breaking in physical, software, infrastructure, blah, blah, blah. And I say, “Yeah well what does it mean?” And she says, “It means we can break into the bank physically, go and rob the bank. Not just computer breaking, but actually go and rob the bank and we should do that.”
Now Tammy, she is 35, she just broke up with her boyfriend after nine years, because she wanted to have a baby and he didn’t want to have a baby, so she broke up with him. And she’s very unstable and I know that when she comes and says, “Let’s break into the bank.” And I’m the boss and I say, “Well but we don’t break into banks, that’s not our – like we know how to break into banks with computers. We don’t know how to actually go and rob a bank.”
And she says, “Well, no, how many times in your life do you get to break into a bank and if you get caught, it’s okay because you just did your job and its okay, and it’s like your part of the team. And if you fail and if you succeed, you actually broke into a bank. You live only once, let’s do it! And says please, please, please, please. Let’s rob the bank please, please.” And I’m like look at her and I start thinking it makes sense, and I say, “Okay, let’s rob the bank.”
[Moran Cerf:] Source: LYBIO.net
So the weekend starts and the three of us are planning how to rob a bank. And we don’t know anything about it. And as much as you can think, there’s not much about it on the internet at the time. So we were like, we couldn’t find a book that says, breaking into Banks for Dummies. So we started looking and finding ways and it turns out we have to come up with a way ourselves. So we plan a very elaborate way to break the bank, which is a little branch up in Northern Tel Aviv that has only one teller so there’s not going to be too much of a crowd there. And we have one of us, Gian the younger that is an insider; he’s going to go to the bank first. He’s going to have a little camera on his belly, a hidden camera; he’s going to film everything, so if something goes wrong. We are going to have footage showing that we didn’t do anything bad.
And Tammy and me were going to go afterwards, and when he signals us that there’s no one else in the bank. So no one’s going to pull a gun or something, and starts freaking out. And we’re going to go and we’re going to rob the bank. We’re going to take a little bit of money from one of the safe boxes that we picked in advance, because we have all information about the bank. We picked the name of a woman that – who’s name Elbel Marilyn Manhoe it was Merly Moveno, but I felt its like Marilyn Monroe and I said we are going to break into Marilyn Monroe’s safe.
So it’s Monday morning and Gian is inside, and he signals us to come inside. And we come and we start walking to the teller, and I start having doubts. I mean I’m not sure how many of you have had the chance to rob a bank in your life, but, it’s really scary. And there’s a thing where – there’s a moment before you say, “It’s a bank robbery,” where you can still take it back. So you can still walk in, say to the guy, it’s a mistake, and leave, and its okay and once you say, “It’s a bank robbery,” you can’t like – even if you regret it you still said it, and now you have to do something with like and you are in conflict, say sorry it’s a mistake, we are going to leave. So was kind of hesitating.
But Tammy she just broke up with her boyfriend and she doesn’t think anything and she goes and says “It’s a bank robbery” we wanted to go to the safe and then open number 10003. And the teller, she’s like a 25-year old girl, she has never seen a customer in this place ever and she’s like studying for the [SA]. She puts a marker in the books; she stands up like nonchalant, goes with Tammy to the back room and opens the thing. And now I’m sitting in the middle and Gian, his job, he is the youngest, his job was also to use this time to take pictures of the place, because we sometimes find people leaving posted notes with a password next to the computer and we can put that thing in the report. So his job is to take pictures to find more things that we can actually put in the report. So he’s doing that.
And Tammy’s in the back seat with the bank owner – with the teller trying to kind of open the safe. And I’m sitting there and I don’t remember what I’m supposed to do at the time. I have a few minutes, and I know you are hesitant few times, but now I’m sitting down I have nothing to do. So I see Gian there, he’s taking pictures, and he’s pretty short, and he’s finding it hard to take pictures. So I said, “I’m going to help you.” So I kind of put my hands together, and I lift him so he can take pictures from a higher place and then the teller comes back, and she sees us, and for her it’s just a customer and another bank robber, so she doesn’t know we three are together. So now she’s really confused to see me helping him to take pictures of the bank robbery. And then she’s starting to smile, and she’s like confused, and she goes back and sit in her place.
And then Tammy the other girl hands me the little box that she took with the money that we thought we’re going to take from Merly Moveno, it just should be a couple of hundred dollars. And then I open it, and lo and behold, Merly Moveno just broke up with her boyfriend a few days before, and she took all her jewelry and put it in the box. And I opened it, and I see something that looks like a million dollars worth of jewelry. And now we have no liability for that. We can’t take that. So I called Tammy and I say, “Look Tammy we can’t take that, we have to put it back.”
She says, “Put it in, we drop it in, let’s leave.” I say, “No! It’s too much money. We can’t leave with that. We have to put it back.” She says, “No!” And we started fighting there. And the bank teller, she’s kind of amused by now. She’s looks up to us and she is like – she has seen better bank robberies before. And Gian, he’s 17 years old. And he has just finished school and he is about to going to the army in a few months so he never dated a girl in his life. So he feels it’s the chance to hit on the girl, the teller. So he goes over, and he starts telling her he’s a part of the team, and he actually planned everything and it’s all in this much I think.
[Moran Cerf:] Source: LYBIO.net
And I fight with Tammy and I take the box and I say, “I’m going to put it back.” So I go to the teller and I tell her, “Sorry, please, I just need you to take the key and put it back” And she gives me the key and says, “Just go yourself. I’m not going anywhere here any more.” So like I’m apologetic and I take the key and I go to the back room to open the safe and put the box back. And I leave everyone behind and I spent a few minutes doing that and I come back and I see that Gian, the kid is giving his phone number to the teller. And we have this whole debate before hand whether we should or should not wear ski masks so no one is going to know us, but if you give the phone number and name to the teller then it kind of puts everything in perspective. So he gives that phone number to the woman.
And then, because it didn’t look like a bank robbery, a woman enters the bank with a baby. And she goes in and she starts writing a check, because she doesn’t see that anything is weird there. So she started to write a check with the baby and she can’t hold the baby, so Tammy, she loves babies, she holds the baby for her, while she writes the check. And now the baby starts crying, because its mommy’s writing a check and Tammy, she holds the baby and she loves babies and she starts singing a lullaby.
She sings, which is in Hebrew sleep, sleep my little child and it’s very peaceful. And suddenly she starts crying, because of the fighting with me – and the bank robbery, and the boyfriend and the baby she is really – she is starting to cry. And then its like everything is weird and I realize, and again bank breaking is not going to work. So I pull Gian in one hand and pull Tammy in the other and we just run away to my car and we get into my car and start driving away in silence. And all this time, Tammy is crying next to me and I look at the back rear-view and I see Gian in the back, he’s smiling, he’s grinning. He’s going to go on a date tomorrow with the teller.
So we are like inside into the office, and then you get to the office and started to think about all that’s happened and failed breaking and I tell myself that this was a pretty good day, its an exciting day. And I tell my staff that you know wait these good days don’t come just from having a job that gives that. It comes from saying yes to things and I realized that I just need to keep saying yes to things, so I quit my job and signed for University and applied for Caltech and since then I have here. Thank you.
[Applause and Cheering]
Come on, come on. Pretty amazing! The next story teller will be Keith Goldfinger. Let’s give Moran another – Keith Goldfinger will be next.
[Speaker:] Source: LYBIO.net
I was once hiking in Runyon Canyon and there was this guy walking with this ugly, fucking like pug mud, drooling, disgusting ugly dog, and he walked by this other guy with this greyhound, beautiful dog, I was like how does that pug feel like, even think it’s in the same species that’s how I felt when he was up here. [I’m sorry] – and so, he’s fucking with that hair and he is fucking born in France, raised in Israel, robs banks and he’s fucking brain surgeon scientist.
We’re not even the fucking same species, I don’t fucking – which is good if the Aliens ever come and they take one of each, maybe it will take both of us – fuck me, um. He is on the list with George Clooney; he is on a list of guys that would um…. okay Michael Jordan, George Clooney and that guy. Okay, let’s get some scores. Lets…
Moran Cerf – Moth GrandSLAM Winning Story – Theme – Big Breaks. So 10 years ago I used to break into banks to make a living. Comedy Transcript, Dialogue, Remarks, Saying, Quotes, Words And Text.