Louis C.K. – Hates Deer
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[Louis C.K. – Hates Deer]
[WARNING EXPLICIT LANGUAGE]
[Louis Szekely (Louis C.K. September 12, 1967)] Source: LYBIO.net
The other night my wife sent me to Walgreens to get toilet paper because we were out the toilet paper, because I had thrown it all in the garbage, so I could get out of the house.
So I’m driving to Walgreens. It was nighttime, and I’m driving, and then I see a deer. And I fucking hate deer. I hate them because they’re everywhere up there. I used to live in the city, and I loved deer then, because I was this liberal in the city. And I’d see deer, and you drive with your friends out to the country, and you see a deer, and everybody is like, oh, my god, turn off the car. Don’t scare the deer. It’s just so beautiful. Look at the beautiful deer. Look how he looks around. It’s just so mysterious and beautiful. Oh, god gave us a gift, everybody just enjoy it and just enjoy the gift of a beautiful deer.
But now I live – and deer are in my fucking yard everyday, and they suck. They’re just rats with hoofs. They don’t matter. They have ticks that give you Lyme disease, and they shit everywhere. And they make a noise, did you know that? They go (inaudible), they’re assholes. They’re shit animals. I go out every morning and throw rocks at them. And I try really hard to hit them on the head with rocks.
And they don’t care. They’re like (inaudible). They don’t care. I don’t have a gun, but if I did, I would shoot a baby deer in the mouth and feel nothing. I wouldn’t feel anything. I’d just go, oh, look. He’s dead. That’s interesting.
I guess that’s what happen when you shoot them in the fucking mouth. I go out of my way to kill a deer. I would happily blow 20 guys in an alley with bleedy dicks so I could get AIDS and then fuck a deer and kill it with my aids. I would do that in a second, I mean it. I mean it.
[Louis C.K.] Source: LYBIO.net
So I see this deer, and this is how dumb these deer – I hit him with the headlights, and he does, duh, that whole thing, and then he won’t just go. He’s like, is it oky if I go, can I go – like he – and I’m like, go. (Inaudible) Just go. And then I get – and then I try to kind of get away from him, then I see him, and he looks me, panics. I swear he ran, and smashed his body into my fucking car. Like, just splat.
Destroyed my mirror, just shattered my mirror, broke his neck. I heard him break his own fucking neck. And then he just dragged his stupid deer head into the woods, and he died. And I’m glad he’s dead. I was glad right away. I got out of my car. I did, and I yelled into the woods and I’m glad you’re dead, you fucking idiot! I hope your deer wife finds you dead and dies of a broken heart. Hope your deer babies starve to death. You broke my mirror, you faggot cunt nigger deer.
So I go to Walgreens, kept going.
Louis C.K. – Hates Deer. I go out every morning and throw rocks at them. And I try really hard to hit them on the head with rocks. Complete Full Transcript, Dialogue, Remarks, Saying, Quotes, Words And Text.