Jonathan Pie Gives Us The NEWS


Jonathan Pie Gives Us The NEWS

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[Jonathan Pie Gives Us The NEWS]

[Jonathan Pie:] Source:
For the time being at least a UK military intervention seems unlikely.

Why are we doing this outside – I’m just – because it’s cold, and it’s starting to rain and we can easily do it from a studio. I’m just wondering what – well that’s very easy for you to say in the ivory tower, I’m just wondering – really, really? Okay do know what he just said? He what he – he just said, why do you for once in your life just do the fucking news. All right no, no, no. No I’m going to do. No I’m going to do the fucking news no.

Here is the fucking news:

Ex commercial TV PR Man, Old Etonian and occasional pig fucker David Cameron, would like to bomb Syria.

Unfortunately Russia has got there first and America has been doing it for ages. He wants to bomb Syria to stop the flow of refugees, fleeing all the bombs. He’s also hoping it will stop the increased influence of Islamic extremism. Bombing Syria will of course destroy the one remaining multicultural society in the region leaving it open to the increased influence of Islamic extremism! To bomb Syria therefore is clearly, mental!

In other news. No, no, no, no, no, I’m doing – no I’m doing the news– I’m doing the fucking news! In other news – in other news, Muslims are bad, China’s bad but, but not as bad as it used to be and Russia is always bad. Nuclear weapons are good and to suggest not using nuclear weapons is bad.

On to the economy:

[Jonathan Pie:] Source:
Debt is good. Corrupt banks are bad but not bad enough for us to do anything about them and poverty in the UK is a figment of your imagination.

On to housing:

Jeremy Corbin’s plans to build affordable housing and create social housing for the poorest people in our society is a terrible idea. That’s according to muti-millionaire, property magnet and all round shit pots of Alan Sugar.

Environmental news:

There’s nothing to worry about, so please carry on consuming at your usual rate.

And finally tonight:

Entertainment. Matt Damon’s intelligent and articulate observations about sexuality in Hollywood means that he is definitely a homophobic twat!

My name is Jonathan Pie and that, was the fucking news!

Yes, yes I’m here, yes, yes, yep, yes, yeah, yeah, yes. Well with the Conservative Party conference starting this week…

Source: L Y B I O . N E T

Jonathan Pie Gives Us The NEWS

Jonathan Pie Gives Us The NEWS

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