Jim Jefferies Bare The Blade Runner
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[Jim Jefferies Bare The Blade Runner]
[Geoff James Nugent (born 14 February 1977):] Source: LYBIO.net
Oscar Pistorius, If you haven’t been following the case, you’re missing out. This is the greatest thing since OJ Simpson. You’re fucking missing out, mate. If you don’t know who Oscar Pistorius is, let me fill you in. Oscar Pistorius is a legless man from South Africa, known as the Blade Runner. He ran in two Olympics, the disabled and the able-bodied Olympics in one year. No one has ever done that. He’s an inspiration to hundreds and millions of disabled and able-bodied people alike, and on Valentine’s Day last year, he shot and killed the hottest girl on Earth and that’s when he became an inspiration to me because hot girls have been getting away with too much shit for too fucking long. Let that be a lesson to all you hot girls out there. You can’t just say whatever the fuck you want whenever you fucking want. People have feelings, you cunts. Now, there’s a lot of rumors going around on what happened on that day.
One of the theories is that they found in her phone. He went through her phone, and on her phone, he found some text messages from a South African rugby player on Valentine’s Day, right? Now, I don’t know if you’ve ever been to South Africa, but in South Africa, rugby is more popular than legless running. It goes, rugby, legless running, cricket. Legless running’s their second sport. You wouldn’t have thought that. Anyway, I’m going to reenact what I believe happened that day. To do that, I will now be doing a South African accent. Now I know, many of you can’t tell the difference between my accent and a South African accent. Here’s the difference. Picture my accent, but I’m punching a black person. What I’m trying to say is South Africans are horrible people. So she’s coming out of the shower. She’s been drying her hair. She’s listening to Rodriguez or something.
She comes out. He’s laying on the bed. He looks up at her, he’s holding the phone, and he goes, “What the fuck is this? I’ve been through your phone. You have been texting a rugby player.” And she’s like, “Oh! Fuck you! Who the fuck do you think you are?” “Who am I? I’m Oscar Pistorius, the greatest legless runner that has ever been. That’s who the fuck I am.” “Well, I would rather be with a rugby player. At least he is a whole man, not a three-quarter man like you.” I know. “Oh! Fuck you!” “No! Fuck you! I’m leaving you!” And then she storms out of the room, and then he was like “You fucking bitch! I hate you! You will rue the day that you left Oscar Pistorius, the Blade Runner! Don’t go anywhere! I hate you!” That’s where he keeps his legs.
[Jim Jefferies:] Source: LYBIO.net
All right. Then he put the blades on. “Oh, you’re in trouble, missy. I tell you. I go to my gun safe.” She locked herself in the bathroom. He shot her through the bathroom door. Seems like overkill, doesn’t it? Like, bathrooms only have little tiny locks on them, but Oscar’s one of the few men on Earth that couldn’t kick the door in, right? He was wearing the blades, so, boing! Ah! So I think Oscar will probably go to prison. Now in South Africa, one in four people have AIDS. I assume it may even be worse in the prison population. Now, can I say this? Look I’ve never raped a man. I hate that I have to put “a man” in that sentence, but whatever. I – I’ve never raped a man, but if I was going to rape a man, it would be a legless Olympian because in prison, it’s all about getting one up on other people, and making people think you’re tough and all that. Like, “You want to fucking rape me? I just raped an Olympian, bitch. Is that what you fucking want?” There’d be a wonderful moment when you’re in the showers and he was crawling away like the end of a Terminator movie. You know what I like about that joke? So often when you tell a joke, the rapist is the villain in the story, but not in that one. Not in that one. He’s the hero. All right, we have to get going soon. Before…
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Jim Jefferies Bare The Blade Runner. Oscar Pistorius, If you haven’t been following the case, you’re missing out. This is the greatest thing since OJ Simpson. Comedy Transcript, Dialogue, Remarks, Saying, Quotes, Words And Text.