Jefferson Bethke – How Do You Know Someone Is The One

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Jefferson Bethke – How Do You Know Someone Is The One

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[Jefferson Bethke – How Do You Know Someone Is The One]

[Jefferson Bethke] Source: LYBIO.net
When I put out the tweet in the Facebook status that asked few guys this question is one of the biggest ones I got also with the most likes was, how do you know someone is The One and kind of fit with that is, how do I know I’m in God’s will. Now, I really want to answer that one, because I also struggle with that one for years. I would sit down and then I would read the Bible and I would open and try to find exact passages to fit exact decisions in life.

And to be honest, it kind of left me depressed, because I can never find an exact answer. I would treat the scriptures almost like they were a fortune cookie and like a roadmap to life looking for this one thing that tells me about my life. But my view has totally changed on what the scriptures are, because I realized they are not just little cookie-cutter answers for me and my life, they’re actually a grand narrative huge story about one man Jesus, and how He redeems humanity, and how He redeems people who trust in Him.

And so when I started seeing that differently, it started to change my view of kind of those questions. And so, the way I’d answer that question is, how do you know someone is The One? Now, this might depress someone and this, you know, might make some of you like lose the Disney type fairy tale dream, but I don’t think there is such thing. I don’t think, I think you watch too much Disney and too much the Notebook and read too much Nicholas Sparks, if you think there is The One.

Now, why do I say that? First is just logically, if there is The One, then if a guy 3,000 years ago married the wrong person who wasn’t The One, that means he must have tore down the lineage all the way down into history, because he married someone else’s one and that person had to marry someone else’s one. And so it just doesn’t logically work, because if there is one and if one person messes it up, then it doesn’t work anymore.

[Jefferson Bethke] Source: LYBIO.net
And secondly, I’ve realized that, it puts away too much pressure on the other person. Usually the girls, the one that kind of has that idea, if I’m looking for The One and looking for that perfect person. What happens is you uphold this ideal that only Jesus and God can satisfy and then you put a burden on that guy that he cannot bear and it crushes him, no matter how good he is to you, no matter how much he serves you. You want him to be even a little bit more, just a little bit more, do a little bit better.

And so the truth is, for guys and girls out there, it’s not about finding The One, it’s about preparing yourself to be The One, because a lot of times if we can be honest, we’re just lazy. We want to find The One, because they make our life easy. They have all the attributes that fit perfectly with our lives, so that we don’t have to change, we don’t have to maneuver or restructure our life.

But God actually says, marriage, which you know, the preempt of that is dating is so – is to make us holy more than to make us happy. It’s about making us look like Him. And so I would say, there is no such thing as The One. You don’t have to struggle with the pressure of trying to think there is The One and that God’s going to get mad at you, if you pick the wrong one. And concentrate on yourself, put yourself in church community, surround yourself with awesome people who help you grow and help you learn, try to say, how can I become a person that will better serve that spouse?

Because what happens is, if you believe in that one, then when they mess up or when they do something that makes you mad, you kind of, were a slave to them, because you always react to it.

So if you believe in that kind of ideal of a person, of a guy or a girl, when they mess up, or when you get in an argument, you get depressed or you struggle or makes you sad, but if you’re resting and putting your identity in who God is, and how He aligns you up to be with Him, then when that person does mess up or does fail you, because your identity is not in that person, but in God, you can give them grace, you can give them forgiveness, and you can give them love. But if you are attached to them as your identity, you can never do that. You always react based upon what they do. And so you can have freedom to just pick.

[Jefferson Bethke] Source: LYBIO.net
Now, if you are in unrepentant sin or you are not in church community, then yeah, you might pick the wrong person. But I totally believe if you’re in church community, if you have a good group of godly mentors, people above you, and if you’re not in any unrepentant sin, no secret sin, and you’re just being transparent and walking with Jesus and Bible study, in prayer. It’s kind of scandalous to say, but pick whoever you want, pick whoever you want. I mean does it bother anyone that in Acts Chapter 1, the apostles actually drew straws to see who will become the next apostle. They trusted God so much, because they were in intimacy with Him, in relationship with Him. They trusted Him to pick who would be the right one.

And so I would say, if you are in all those things and you just walk in the journey with Jesus, pick whoever you want. You don’t have to have that pressure, because the truth is, it’s not about finding The One, it’s just about treating that person with love, grace, forgiveness, and mercy, and you can do that with anyone. You can do that with this person, this person, or that person, and it makes, it takes all this pressure off and all this burden off, the relationship.

[Jefferson Bethke] Source: LYBIO.net
And the last thing I’ll say on this topic is, one of the worst parts about having The One or upholding the standard that no one can meet, that absolutely no one can meet, because none of us are perfect except Jesus. The worst part about upholding that standard is that you miss good, godly people all around you. You miss them, you’re walking by your future spouse every single day, because your standard is so high, you’ll never actually find that person.

And so when you understand that God gives you freedom to choose when you’re living in community, you’re living in intimacy with Him, then what happens is, you start to notice people in your life who might make a good partner to be on mission with you to do what God has called you to do.

Jefferson Bethke – How Do You Know Someone Is The One. It’s not about finding The One, it’s about preparing yourself to be The One. Complete Full Transcript, Dialogue, Remarks, Saying, Quotes, Words And Text.

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