Grace Helbig – Draw My Life
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[Grace Helbig – Draw My Life]
[Grace Anne Helbig] Source: LYBIO.net
Today, I decided to do the Draw My Life tag, mostly I guess so many of you want me to do it, and I’m afraid if I don’t do it, you want me to do that you’ll find out where I live and be like, I’m going to hurt you, but then when you get here, it will be like, huh, I’m chicken. I’m not going to do it. and you guys should go for it, wishing me luck on this endeavor.
I was born on September 27th, 1985. I was birthed from my mother who had giant puffy 80’s style hair. This was her on the hospital bed not a pinball machine, that’s me. I wasn’t that big. I was like 8 pounds 7 ounces when I was born. I was having just some post birth thoughts. The night I was born was really interesting, all of the nurses came up to my mom, they were like, did you name her Gloria, because there was a giant hurricane happening named Hurricane Gloria that night, and all the news reporters want to know, if anyone named their kid Gloria, my mum was like no and then they walked away.
My family, it was my mom, with giant ‘80s hair; my older brother, John who was four years older than me; and my younger brother, Tim and my dad. When I was about four years old, my parents got a divorce. and it didn’t actually affect me, my brothers too much.
[Grace Helbig] Source: LYBIO.net
We intend to say, the glass are full, so full that there was two glasses. Few years later, my parents got remarried to awesome people. My mom married a guy named; Bill and my dad married a woman named, Maureen, whose name I have trouble spelling sometimes, and I’d always support these second marriages. If it doesn’t work the first time, second time is charming.
In fourth grade, me and my step dad, my mom, my brothers moved to a new town that which mean a new school. we moved from Woodbury to Woodbury Heights, which made it sound like, we were rich now, and really, we just had a house with an extra half bathroom.
I was really happy with the move. I was starting to make new friends and having a great time until one day I realized, I had a tail, and I got really sad. and all the girls I was friends with got really grossed out. I couldn’t believe it. then I got into high school. and I didn’t have a lot of friends until I met this girl Rachel, who was hilarious and we would do all kinds of comedy sketches and SNL spoofs as school projects. One time, we made a bet with our friend and she lost when we made her dress up like a Tampon for Halloween. I made the costume. it was great. Overall, I was so happy. until one day, my tail grew a tiny middle finger. And I was so sad, and all the boys in my school looked at me, and they were just like ewww.
But eventually through a lot of emotional repression I made it through. and I got into college on a full academic scholarship. My school was dumb, but I was thrilled, cause I was going to school in North Jersey, which was one step closer to New York, where I really wanted to be. But my tail and its tiny middle finger were coming to. When I got into college, I wasn’t totally sure what I wanted to do. I just knew I wanted to do something creative. So I took acting classes, I took screenwriting classes, and I was having a great time being creative. I eventually started to binge on internships. I did about four different internships at MTV, and one at late night with Conan O’Brien. Actually five at MTV. I was able to do this, because I forged my advisor’s signature on my permission slip, take that the man that cares about that.
In addition to internships, I was teaching tennis all throughout North Jersey and working as a server at an Applebee’s. I am what you call a workaholic. it’s a disease. I was having a great time being productive in college. but my tail wasn’t, somehow she got tits and showed them to everyone, and drank way too much, it was hanging out with the wrong guys. And it just made me really sad again.
But thanks to emotional repression I made it through – through graduation. I was so excited. I had so many plans that tail made it too, and so did my good friend, Mitchell. She doesn’t wear a top hat; I just get drawing dyslexic sometimes. Together, we decided that we were going to move to the big city, not necessarily the big city, but Brooklyn; it’s none our guns though. it’s mostly just lesbians that are adorable. At least where we moved, we moved to an area called Carroll Gardens, which was kind of an affluent neighborhood except we lived in a really shitty apartment, didn’t have a sink in the bathroom.
[Grace Helbig] Source: LYBIO.net
We brushed our teeth in the kitchen. We also had a drug lord landlord named, Tony who would ask us for money all the time. It was great and things got even better when I found out about the Peoples’ Improv Theater aka the PIT. I took a bunch of improv classes, and made it on to a house team. I was making people laugh once a week on stage. It was amazing. Thanks to my internships, I got a job at MTV after I graduated. but I quit to wait tables. So I’d have more time to focus on that’s right a career in comedy. I was so happy and things were looking up until my tail turned everything around. She wouldn’t pay rent, and she was going crazy and she would yell at me all the time for no reason, and it just – it made me really sad again.
To take my mind off of feeling sad, I had saved up all my waiting table money and bought myself an iMac, and started to make little web videos about, what it was like living in Brooklyn. And my roommate, Mitchell would come and make them too, and we’ve started a YouTube channel called Grace and Mitchell, all about our silly, goofy lives in Brooklyn. Then one day a company called MyDamnChannel called me in, and they were like hey, we like your videos. Will you make those videos for us? I couldn’t believe it. Of course, I said yes. And before I knew it, I was making a daily video, five days a week from my apartment in Brooklyn. It was a dream come true.
I was so happy, but things with my tail weren’t happy. She was spiraling out of control and I think she was doing drugs with our landlord, Tony. but it wasn’t possible to know, for sure. It was just horrible and it made me really sad again. Until one day, I was riding in the subway, and I saw an ad for something that would change my life. It was an ad for Dr. Zizmore, a plastic surgeon.
I called them that afternoon and an hour later, added an event warehouse and Queens he cut my tail right off. and I was finally free. I felt so much lighter physically. Before I knew, I felt myself chasing more of my dreams in Los Angeles with a dog, no less. And my dog has a tail, and that makes me sad, because it reminds me of my tail, and every time I look at my dog’s tail, I don’t know what to do. I can’t stop thinking about her. What she doing now is she drinking; is she hanging out with Frankie Muniz, it was always a dream of hers. I just don’t know. But I do know that this is a part of the video that I’d tell you that I love you. Yeah.
Byeeee…. but I’m still sad, remember.
[Grace Helbig] Source: LYBIO.net
So this is now the end of the video. You guys know this ends slightly know this jazz. But just don’t forget, if there’s one takeaway from this video, it’s that I’m really sad and I’m depressed and I’m sad and I’ll never be fully happy.
Grace Helbig – Draw My Life. I was born on September 27th, 1985. I was birthed from my mother who had giant puffy 80’s style hair. Complete Full Transcript, Dialogue, Remarks, Saying, Quotes, Words And Text.