FIU Professor Lawrence Meyer Database Course Rant


FIU Professor Lawrence Meyer Database Course Rant

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[FIU Professor Lawrence Meyer Database Course Rant]


[(Former FIU) Professor Lawrence Meyer:] Source:
Diagram…should have looked significantly better than what it was before, significantly more complex and some people turned in, well I’ll be nice, absolute crap. If you got ten entities in an airline, you’re out of your fucking mind. You gave it no thought and you did no research. And – and I’m sorry this class is COP 4703, you are not that far from graduate level work. This is a high 4000 senior level class. You can’t do it, I’m sorry; perhaps graduation is not meant for you.

Secondly, I asked for an ER diagram. I asked for normalization. I showed how that was working. People gave me – some people gave me normalization diagrams. Here’s my diagram in a first normal form. What the fuck is that?

Did you ever seen me do one of those? No, jeez, stick up your ass and smoke it man, cause you guys are crazy. Normalization was the happy little dependencies. And if every single one of your tables is perfectly third normal form, it’s a miracle, it’s an absolute miracle, because I can tell you right now, from looking at it them, they’re not.

So that means you just – you pencil with that crap, if you gave it to me with pencil, go away, seriously, remember the whole premise of this is you’re consultant trying to get the job. I’m sorry, if you’re going to turn this stuff in and this is what you consider good and quality stuff that I can’t even read, no, it’s not going to be worth it. So you’ll notice there are no grades in the system I refuse to put any in, one because it’s a waste of my time. Two, the final project will be a heavy duty requirement. I’m going to go through with a fine-toothed comb with the eye for looking for ways to slam it. Do you understand that?

There is no more benefit of the doubt or they’re missing a few things. No, this is going to be how do I destroy this document, what can I find wrong, if you cannot spell the word passenger correctly? Spell check anyone heard of that? Wonderful thing.

If you can’t find a way to put down a pencil and pick up a computer, oh, well.

If you can’t find a way to pickup a piece of software that doesn’t have trial version, written across the middle of it, that I have to struggle my way around, go away.

Because it’s not worth my time, I can not tell you the number of hours. It’s a four hour drive to Orlando and a four hour drive back and that didn’t cover this class’ material.

To the point where I got so tired of looking at it, it was just sad because it wasn’t like, well, let’s find new and exciting good ways of looking at stuff, it was, ‘oh god, what’s this’. Okay.

So when the final exam – well, I’m going to look at the schedule, tonight probably hereafter a few minutes, after I get done tonight, I will post a schedule, than I’ll post a date that we’re going to do the presentations.

Your presentation had better smoke and rock me. I mean, print them on $1,000 bills if that’s what it takes, but – because I’m not putting up with this garbage.

[Professor Lawrence Meyer:] Source:
This is a 4703 class. You should know how to write a paper. And when I get long-winded explanations about how I tried really hard on the very first page, I don’t care, I don’t care. I don’t care how hard you try. I really don’t; because trying is irrelevant now.

Welcome to – welcome to the real world. If you got a job and you tell your boss, I tried really hard not that fuck it up, you’re still fired, right. I tried really hard not to run over pedestrian in the crosswalk, I don’t care.

So, when I did the things back to you at the end of the class, you will take them and enjoy them.

I will tell you right now that the mood that I’ve got every time I picked your pileup, it got worse and worse, because I was finding very little to be happy about. ER diagrams have only a few concepts built into them, just what are they. There are four things that go in there. What are the four things that go into an ER diagram?

The entities.

[Professor Lawrence Meyer:]


[Professor Lawrence Meyer:]


[Professor Lawrence Meyer:]

[Indiscernible] the – the actions…

[Professor Lawrence Meyer:] Source:
What’s the last one? Cardinality.


[Professor Lawrence Meyer:] Source:
If you produced an ER diagram that don’t have all four those things, fail. Go away. Because both the correspond notation and the traditional ER diagram have that built-in there. They were both on my slides, they were all through every link that I gave you, if you cannot follow that, then this class really isn’t for you. And if you’re gonna fail it, I highly recommend that you find [Prabakar] next semester and take it, because it’s just going to be more of the same next semester with me. And who knows, maybe he’s a much better teacher for this stuff than I am, I don’t know, I never had this for his class and maybe you’ll understand him whole lot better because you’re not getting it.

Who has actually read the book, that’s less than a third of the class. It’s a less than a third of the class.

You’re trying to get it all from PowerPoints. PowerPoint – What is the PowerPoint presentation?

It’s the summary.

[Professor Lawrence Meyer:] Source:
Summary, bullets.

Yeah, I wouldn’t even go as far as saying summary.

[Professor Lawrence Meyer:]
It’s really…

A light outlined…

[Professor Lawrence Meyer:]
It’s highlighting a chapter, think about when I – when I’m presenting a PowerPoint presentation to you – put down the god damn phone.

Okay, here’s how this is going to work from now on.

If I see anyone playing on a computer, if I see anyone with the phone the very next class there will be a full-fledged test, full-fledged fucking god awful test.

It will be an hour and fifteen minutes of hell on earth and if you have a sharp pencil and a pile of them, you might successfully complete it. I will make the test up tonight, just to make sure you understand that.

I’m tired of seeing this, [looking down / cell phone texting] all fucking class.

Especially, been given this crap that is piled on my desk.

If this would have been amazing, I’ll go, ‘Oh, god she’s got it, he’s got it’. ‘They’re surfing ‘cause they they got it’. You ain’t got it!

No, you don’t, you don’t have it.

Some of you are close and I was nit-picky on some people, probably little hard, but that’s why the grades don’t count, and you’ll know yourselves.

Some of you, I don’t know why you are sitting here, because you’re not listening to me, and you’re not reading the book and you’re not learning the material.

[Professor Lawrence Meyer:] Source:
So if we want to thin this class out a lot, I would much rather have six people sitting up here that really want to learn, that we can sit and have great discussions on and go through it and really learn this stuff and have a good time. Then 40 people sitting here with 38 of them with their thumb up their ass doing nothing than texting on the phone. You want to text the door is back there. You’re welcome to use it. No one has nailed your foot to the floor for this class, have we? Have I? Are you chained to the desk? No. If you put more than four hours of work in to this, I’ll – I’ll be fucking amazed. And three hours, that was probably talking to someone on how hard it was. Seriously?

Moving back, coming up to the next two chapters, and side notes in the next lecture, two or three days worth, how many I’ve got left, it’s not – it’s not the fun stuff. It’s the hard stuff, it’s the twitchy stuff.

There is a reason I said start with scenarios. Scenarios give you the business rules and allow you to write the triggers, they allow you to write the procedures and allow you write the code. Most people didn’t bother to give me anything along those lines at all.

Okay. So please note I have absolutely no problem failing you at all, none zero, I will lose no sleep. And if they decide not to hire me because I flunked the whole fucking class, that’s cool, I’ll get my Monday and Wednesday nights back.

So you are not – I don’t worry about this at all.

What I’m worried about was not flying into the back of carrier, I worry about not killing myself in my motorcycle, I worry about a lot of things, failing people is not a problem for me anymore. Especially, the people cheating on the mid-term that became the zero problem for me, especially after this.

So if you’re having a great time and you had a great time sitting there surfing the web for the last several weeks, it’s gonna suck for next few weeks. Because your presentation had better be spot on, because that’s what your grade is coming from.

Okay, that means if you don’t take this home tonight, and start digging online and finding out just what goes into creating good databases on your own and expand what little knowledge you have to open your brain up and stop texting, get off Facebook, get off reddit, get off whatever you’re doing this not involving this class. And no, I do not care about any other class of mine. Then you should not bother to come to class. You really shouldn’t… because it’s not going to be worth your time.

Just save me the trouble having to grade it, okay, seriously. Just save me the problem. Just admit it, admit to yourself, yeah, yeah, I fucked it up. You can – you can blame me. He’s a horrible teacher, he’s mean, fine, I’ll take the hit, I don’t care, because it bounces right off, because I know where the fault lies for the most of this, because if you didn’t understand it and you didn’t ask a question that’s your fault.

I know I’ve been over ER diagrams, how many times!

I know I spent a whole lecture plus on functional dependancies.

Yeah, we had a great discussion about the difference between ER diagram and an implementation diagram.

And some people – a good chunk of you were doing this. [cell phone texting]

[Professor Lawrence Meyer:] Source:
So, please note this is computer IT, it is a hard field, it is going to suck, you were expected to know this crap.

You don’t figure it out on the fly, no.

[Professor Lawrence Meyer:] Source:
You figure – problem solving on the fly, this stuff you should have weird. And I have not made it that hard on the class. This class could be scalable hard. And you’re talking powers of ten harder.

When I took this class as my under graduate class, what we have done in a semester, we did in the first three or four weeks. Maybe I need to teach it like that to get rid of people quick. I don’t know.

So, I don’t know what’s going through your heads, I don’t know what you’re thinking. I know some of you’re going, this isn’t me, great, rock it, man. Power to you.

You’ve got questions – answer not a problem.

Some of you are going, well he is really mad. Oh yeah, yeah, he’s mad. He’s upset, he’s angry, he’s sad that you didn’t take any of this seriously and then you wasted your time and then you wasted mine.

I would much rather if you spent the days of last several semesters picking flowers in the field, mowing the grass, they need plumbers, they need architects, there are all kinds of fields, go for that. Go for something you have to worry about this stuff.

Although, if you chose to be a plumber or an architect, they have all kinds of really kick ass exams that you have to understand and be able to work — and practical knowledge is critical and this – this demonstrable knowledge is critical. So sitting around here with your thumb up your butt, doing nothing, is stupid. It’s a waste of your life. Go do something you enjoy.

If you like cars, or motorcycles, or boats, or planes or whatever, go the hell on and do that. Don’t sit here.

Remember I had the discussion before.

Don’t waste your time here. You don’t like this stuff, don’t be here.

Is someone making you come here, did someone threaten to kill you, if you don’t take this class you’re gonna die. They’re holding one of your nieces or nephews hostage, if you don’t pass the class; a little one gets it.


Then figure it out.

Holy crap people, because I don’t mind wasting my time playing Angry Birds.

I don’t mind wasting my time playing Plants vs Zombies.

[Professor Lawrence Meyer:] Source:
I don’t mind wasting my time banging my head against the desk trying to get an iOS app to work, because damn [beautiful rays are not taking it right].

I don’t mind that, because it’s me choosing what to do with my time.

I do choose when you give me stuff that you should have taken a two second look at and gone, ‘I have no self respect at all in giving this to him’.

You should of really – you should be ashamed on yourselves.

Those of you know who you are.

You should be going, ‘Oh, man’. And to put it to you this way.

My wife teaches elementary school. She teaches second grade. And she shall remain unnamed here, she gave me stuff with pencil, she’s like – what level class is this?

I thought you were teaching college. I know, I am.

She was like – I can’t read this writing, it wasn’t the technical word she was just the writing – really, you’ve insulted the second grade teacher. Seriously, people.

You should by now be able to master virtually any piece of software in less than a day at this level of school.

You should – if you cannot — IT field is not for you.

And by mastering – I mean to be able to be functional and good enough that it, that people think that you’ve been doing it for your lifetime.

Because when the CEO calls down it goes, ‘hey, I got this Visio thing, can you show me how to fix?’

Or your Chief of Technology, you should be able to go, ‘oh shit, I don’t know Visio’, click, [pppppppfffff] download the tutorials, run, run, run, run; 20 minutes later you’re good enough to go figure it out.

[Professor Lawrence Meyer:] Source:
If you ain’t there, like plugging it in like the matrix and jack yourself in and go. If you can’t do that, figure out a different career, because that is routinee in the business. I mean, absolute routine.

So chapter eight in our book – yeah, chapter eight and chapter nine left to do. Okay, I have to watch my time, so I can give me your stuff back. There’s always translation services are allowed. [gasps] So the objective of chapter eight, this is…


[Professor Lawrence Meyer:]
Okay, please do. Oh, I always threaten to dance for the bad music.

I was the one who had the bad music.

[Professor Lawrence Meyer:]
Everybody has bad music at some point now. [I think my head] is a duck that quacks.

Showing up anywhere near on time is a useful skill too.

So why do we need BBA; is one of the responsibilities, administrative responsibility, technical responsibilities.

[Professor Lawrence Meyer:] Source: L Y B I O . N E T
This gets more to the back-end work. I’m going to run through this pretty quick, because the chapter is fairly complete on this. Just highlight some of things that goes on in the real world and how this all looks together for you. This is primarily your job, policy, creation, policy, enforcement.

FIU Professor Lawrence Meyer Database Course Rant

FIU Professor Lawrence Meyer Database Course Rant

FIU Professor Lawrence Meyer Database Course Rant. You have to open your brain up and stop texting, get off Facebook, get off reddit. Complete Full Transcript, Dialogue, Remarks, Saying, Quotes, Words And Text.

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