Demetri Martin – Stand Up Comedy
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[Demetri Martin – Stand Up Comedy]
[Demetri Evan Martin (born May 25, 1973):] Source: LYBIO.net
I’m excited to be here. I almost didn’t do this show, because I have certain requests in order to do a benefit show. And I said, “I’ll do the show, but I need giant gay icicles behind me or I can’t do it. I work with giant gay icicles or you can forget it.” It worked out, it’s cool, so they make me look cool and a little less gay than the icicles themselves, so.
I heard this lady say “I love kids.” That’s nice, a little weird though. It’s like saying “I like people, for a little while.” “How old are you? 14? Fuck off!” You can say “I love kids” as a general statement, that’s fine. It’s when you get specific that you get in to trouble. “I love twelve-year-olds.”
I was on the street. And this guy waved to me, and he came up to me and said, “I’m sorry, I thought you were someone else.” And I said, “I am.”
Every fight is a food fight when your a cannibal.
You don’t want to sound like a creep just add the word ‘ladies’ to the end of things that you say. You could be saying something harmless too like; thanks for coming to the show — “Ladies.”
Help I’ve fallen into a well and I’m trapped — “Ladies.”
“Come on “Ladies”, it’s like a Jacuzzi with really high walls.
I like the beach, I like to get there really early before everybody else shows up.
Take like 30 bottles with notes in them, throw them in to the water. And wait for everyone to come to the beach, when someone goes to pick up one of them bottles, I go up behind them, when they open it, inside there’s a note that says: “I’m standing right behind you.”
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Demetri Martin – Stand Up Comedy. I was on the street. And this guy waved to me, and he came up to me and said, “I’m sorry, I thought you were someone else.” And I said, “I am.” Complete Full Transcript, Dialogue, Remarks, Saying, Quotes, Words And Text.