Crystal – A Message From Crystal
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[Crystal – A Message From Crystal]
[Crystal] Source: LYBIO.net
Hey, I know it isn’t something that I would normally do ever. But basically I’m just going to give a shot and have a chat about what’s been happening in my life and hopefully can open some people’s eyes and help them out as well in their lives.
Um last year a very close friend of mine committed suicide and succeeded. I was told this when I got to work, I got a call from her brother saying that he would like me to go to the hospital to say good bye to her. This was at about 5:30 in the morning, and I was waiting for her to coming to work, to spend the day with her and cheer up because I knew she wasn’t happy. That was the day I have first seen the dead body and the last day I ever want to see one.
I said good bye to her. (crying) Even though I saw and was sitting with her there, touching and holding her hand while she was gone, it still hadn’t sunk in that she had gone. Even at her funeral, doing the speech, saying good bye probably wouldn’t she was a bit made up at all, still hadn’t sunk in. It still hasn’t sunk in a year later. Just last week was Suicide Awareness Day and it was quite, very quite clear to me that I hadn’t dealt with anything the past year, as I completely broke down, didn’t know what to do and just, just broke down.
Basically, unfortunately, she wasn’t the only friend that I have lost due to suicide, just two weeks after she had died, a very close friend of mine, a very close friend of mine actually tried to commit suicide as well. She was sending me messages the night before saying how much she loved me and I thought that she was just being – loving like she always was, not knowing that she was sending me good bye messages. I got a call very early in the morning as well and went to the hospital straight away and fortunately she was still alive.
She fought through it in ICU for about two weeks and she’s still alive to this day when they did not expect her to be alive or to be able to walk or anything, but she was definitely a miracle and I’m sort of grateful to have her. She isn’t 100% herself, she does have brain damage but she is still alive. Even though she is still alive, it’s still sort of hard to know that I would never have her back like I used to have her. So in a way, she is living, but in a way she is still half dead to me because she doesn’t remember me sometimes. It’s always scaring and daunting when I go visit her because it breaks my heart to think that she might not remember me. And I don’t know what’s really – I don’t really know how to deal with that sometimes. That’s what scares me the most that I might go there one day and she will 100% not know who I am.
This was all happening when I lived in Brisbane. I had moved to Melbourne at the beginning of this year with my fiancé, Matthew. Even though I wanted so badly to be in Brisbane and to stay, even though I really wanted to stay in Brisbane around my family and friends to support her and everybody, I couldn’t live there anymore. So besides wanting to move to be with my partner, it wasn’t just a decision for that reason, it was because I couldn’t live in Brisbane anymore. It was too sad and just not a good environment for me, and I got caught up in a lot of stuff that I shouldn’t have, went down the bad way with not knowing how to deal with it. And so I think moving was actually a positive thing for me, even though it is really hard to be away.
About – I think it was about a few months ago, where another one of my friend had tried to kill herself, but however thankfully she did not succeed and she is 100% healthy and is positive and I pray that she remains that way. I think every single time what has messed me up so bad is that I’ve got a new good bye message every single time and what really makes me upset and confused and angry is they were thinking of me in their last minutes, but they still tried to end their lives knowing how much that would have affected my life, how upset I would have been, just because they knew I love them so much and the fact that they still thought of me and – sorry, the fact that they still thought of me and still went ahead, it just confuses me and leaves me up all night questioning, there’s so many questions I go through my head and that I’ll never have the answers to, and I think that’s why it’s so hard for me to accept everything.
[Crystal] Source: LYBIO.net
I would get contacted all the time on Tumblr, Twitter, Facebook from girls, guys, family members, anyone asking me how I’ve dealt with everything and how they can deal with it because they are going through something similar. Even though people think that I’ve been real strong, I have not dealt with everything or anything at all. It is very personal to admit but I am and have been put on antidepressants, I am not ashamed to admit that. I believe I have been through things – where I am not 100% myself.
So if I want to become my positive happy self again, I am not ashamed to admit that at this time, I might need something to help me get back to that and that’s why I am not ashamed to admit it because I didn’t ask for these things to happen to me, but I am trying to deal with it because I don’t – I would never go down that path and I don’t ever want to go down that path of what my friends did.
So I don’t think anyone should be ashamed of admitting if they’re on a certain antidepressant pill or anything because really it shows strength to me that you’re wanting to get better and stay in this life and you know you just make something of yourself or just try, just to try to be happy. I think there is nothing to be ashamed in about that.
Like I said, I still haven’t dealt with anything. Sorry, I’ve – basically, I’ve had a lot of people who have tried to commit suicide around me. It’s not that I hang around with people who are mentally unstable or emotional people. I don’t – I don’t – I can’t explain why it happens, I can’t explain why me, I don’t think I am the only one, I am not trying to say that or try to get sympathy or anything because I am not the only one who has gone through this, I just want to help people so that no one else feels like this.
I don’t know what to say back to people who ask me how to deal with it because I just telling them to be strong, and they ask how I was strong, but I am not strong. I just try to accept it and just move on. I never forget about them and I never will, but being with my fiancé, he has made everything a 100 times better.
I would not be where I am today or even nearly where I am if I didn’t have him because he shows me that no matter what, things will always get better. And even though right now, I don’t really believe that, I have to, and eventually maybe one day they will get better. So, that’s all I’m holding on to right now, but it’s better than not holding on to anything, so.
The reason why I’m making this video is because I want to help people and I don’t know how, but I just know that I want to. I don’t have qualifications to help people, I don’t know what I can do to help people, but I just know that I want to stop these from happening, stop people from going through this pain and just make people understand that there is other ways of how to deal with things and suicide is not the answer.
The reason why I am doing this now randomly, I guess it’s not really random. The reason why I am doing this now rather than sooner or last year is because I found another friend of mine commit suicide this morning. It’s so bad to know that I am getting used to getting phone calls saying that one of my friends is dead. It’s not normal. And I’m only 21, but I know how precious life is and it should be cherished and I just want to help people to learn that.
I am not necessarily in a position where I think that I can help people, but if 10 people watch this and show anybody and it might help them to be positive then that’s enough for me. If I can just help spread awareness to a few people, that’s enough. Me and my fiancé always get contacted from people who get bullied and they tell us that they want to take their lives and they tell us that nobody loves them and they don’t want to live anymore. And even though we’ve been told to try to not talk back to those people because it’s not healthy for us, we can’t ignore that. I definitely can’t ignore it and I get hundreds of these emails and messages.
[Crystal] Source: LYBIO.net
Sorry, no one can really tell me to ignore that because I can’t ignore someone who is reaching out, even sometimes if I don’t feel that it is a genuine reach out or if they just want a reply from us, I still can’t risk ignoring that in case something did happen. I don’t think I would be held responsible for that, but if I could have said something to help them, who am I to ignore them, I am just Crystal and I just want to help anyone who is upset. And like I said, I don’t know how, but I am here, and I want to help and I want to do something positive because this is not right. Thank you for watching.
Crystal – A Message From Crystal. Things will always get better. And even though right now, I don’t really believe that, I have to, and eventually maybe one day they will get better. Complete Full Transcript, Dialogue, Remarks, Saying, Quotes, Words And Text.lockquote>