CinemaSins – Everything Wrong With Frozen In 10 Minutes Or Less
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[CinemaSins – Everything Wrong With Frozen In 10 Minutes Or Less]
Everything Wrong With FROZEN In 10 minutes or less. Spoilers!!
Cliché of opening narration replaced by its sinister cousin, opening singing.
What? We already did the Disney logo with the fucking castle. Jesus, now we’re doing multiple logos PER STUDIO in front of the film?
Cute baby animal qualification? Fulfilled.
Also, the director said, “I want you to have that baby reindeer eat a carrot, so he’ll look like even more of an asshole.”
Stronger than one, stronger than 10, stronger than a 100 men.
Ice is stronger than a 100 men… unless you have a pick-axe.
Is ANYONE chaperoning this child?
This large triangle windows is a “Fuck you” to sleep.
Do the magic. Do the magic.
Animation? Princess? Magic? Disney movie is a go, people, Disney movie is a go for launch!
Movie rips off the “all the answers are in some old mysterious book” thing from Buffy the Vampire Slayer.
This map looks really unhelpful.
We interrupt this animated princess movie to bring you Galaxy Quest.
But don’t worry. I’ll leave the fun.
You mean… you have the power to remove fun too?
“But she won’t remember I have powers?”
“It’s for the best.”
Yeah, because you don’t have and never will have the power to tell your sister, “no” when she asks you to do magic.
You must learn to control it.
I know a guy who teaches a summer class if you want to enroll.
Wait… I know this room is huge, but they still had to share a bedroom in this huge castle?
So does Anna really not see Elsa for years? The family never gets together and eats dinner or anything?
Also, why even bother erasing Anna’s memory if Elsa is just going to stay behind a locked door the whole time?
This stunt is actually more dangerous than any of the ice games Anna and Elsa were playing before.
Girl with superpowers, dead parent cliché? This IS a superhero movie!
Look, if she’s freezing up the entire room, including the DOOR she’s leaning against, then her sister would definitely feel the cold, and probably also be leaning against an ice block and not a door.
I bet there absolutely lovely life than they are beautiful.
Eh.. If I were in a relationship with his cartoon I’d probably still hit it if she let me.
Also, this whole kingdom went for over a decade without seeing the princesses after the King and Queen died? They just… took the word as some random castle butler that the princesses were alive and well and shit?
Who knew we owned a thousand salad plates?
You could not possibly grow up in this fucking behemoth castle without knowing you had 8,000 salad plates.
Why I have a ballroom with no balls? Source: LYBIO.net
You and AC/DC should have a discussion about wordplay.
What if I meet that one?
Um, Neo is a Warner Brothers character, so I’m not sure how you think that would happen, but princess gotta dream, I guess. Or wait… did you mean Jet Li?
I want to stuff some chocolate in my face.
Haha, you women and your chocolate.
It seems like these gloves do a good job keeping the ice from happening…. so why did Elsa need to lock herself in a room for all these years?
A chance to find true love.
This girl’s motivation changed from hanging out with her sister to finding true love in the blink of an eye!
This is a princess, right? Heir to the fucking throne?! Not one person guarding her, or… keeping an eye on her? This kingdom is run by fucking idiots.
Since we find out Hans is a bad guy later, this little moment of him smiling like he’s a good guy while no one is around is a bit of a cheat in the narrative.
Your Majesty, the gloves.
Yes, everyone knows the rules about how coronations aren’t valid if the queen-to-be is wearing gloves when grabbing the scepter.
This ice makes serious progress on these royal items and no one in the entire home notices it.
Is this the first time they’ve seen or spoken to each other in like, a decade?
Haha, you women and…
Can you eat?
I just can’t.
Is there any reason you can’t tell your sister about your powers now that you’re both adults? When the trolls recommended you keep it from her… she was, like, 6!
“Falling in love in one evening montage” cliché.
The guard obviously sees suspicious activity but decides, “Eh, fuck it.”
How the fuck would they have been able to climb a roof this steep?!
We are nearly 30 minutes into this 90 minute movie, and while the kingdom and the princess are pretty well established, there is no real sign of conflict. And I honestly can’t tell who the main character is…. Elsa or Anna.
Elsa, please, please, I can’t live like this anymore.
Dammit all, is this movie doing that whole “simple misunderstanding the real people would never have because they ask questions and have normal human conversations about it” thing?!!
She would rather Encino Man her sister than just tell her the truth?
I leave Prince Hans in charge.
With a kingdom that plays things this loosey-goosey, you’d think some other kingdom would have long ago taken over this place. It’s not like anyone’s actually in charge you anything here.
The cold never bothered me anyway.
So… is she empowered now? Or is… she the villain now?
“Horse abandons the hero for no other reason than the plot” cliché.
Nope. Sorry. Hypothermia. This chick is dead.
Wait… if the whole land is covered in icy cold winter that can’t go away because, you know, it’s so cold that the sun can’t melt the ice then… how is there a running stream for Anna to fall into?
Also, if there is a chance to, get EVEN MORE hypothermia, this is it.
That would be in our Winter Department.
Snowshoes are known for their excellent comic timing.
Also, this is a terrible way to store bread.
Foot size doesn’t matter.
Did the writers just sneak in a “size doesn’t matter” joke into this kids’ movie?
Well, good thing these wolves have evolved to have eyes that can glow on cue or else humans wouldn’t have a chance.
Was setting it on fire necessary? Wouldn’t the sheer force of being hit by the bundle be enough?
This is like a family version of The Grey – too bad Liam Neeson isn’t here to threaten to beat someone to death over fucking billfold.
I’m sorry… even when you’re a cartoon, you should be dead… gripping a snowy cliff with gloves? At the very least, do like Wile E Coyote and crash into the bottom of the canyon with a satisfying “poof.”
I like the shot, but… where the fuck are they going right now?
It’s completely frozen.
Am I right?
Anna is a dick to snowmen she’s just met.
Well shit, I can’t be upset about a talking snowman, even if I want to be… not after this movie starting out with magical rock trolls. But…
I can always just award another sin here for the magical rock trolls, because it’s not like that’s gotten any less stupid at this point.
That’s right, Olaf.
Come on… I mean, you definitely don’t remember anything about Olaf, because of the magic trolls at the beginning.
And surely if you remember Olaf, you’d remember your sister, the ice games you played, and getting knocked unconscious… and all of this could be avoided in the first place.
Also, when did Elsa’s power change from being able to create snow and ice… to being able to create living conscious beings out of snow?
I need volunteers to go with me to find her.
Aw, man, but who are YOU going to leave in charge of Arendelle?
But I found a staircase that leads exactly where you want it to go.
You should probably wait out here.
Last time, I introduced her to a guy she froze everything.
Impeccable logic. I mean, those were way different circumstances – and what, is she going to EXTRA freeze the already-frozen country if she gets upset this time?
Just give us a minute.
Okay. One, two.
Snowman who has no idea how the sun’s heat would melt him does have a concept of time.
So what does Elsa eat out here? Or do magical beings not need food?
What do I not know? Source: LYBIO.net
Arendelle’s in deep, deep, deep, deep snow
Now, that’s just musical cheating.
Olaf: “We totally lost Marshmallow back there!”
Okay so this isn’t the “Abominable Snowman”? And you’re just basically going to take the Ghostbusters’ villain name? Sure, they don’t call “Marshmallow Man” but they might as well.
Worry about your hair?
It’s a good thing Anna got hit with the icy blast with Kristoff around, the one guy who’s made friends with the magic trolls.
And don’t worry. They’ll be able to fix this.
How do you know?
Because I’ve seen them do it before.
And… you’re not putting 2 and 2 together and realizing she’s the exact same girl somehow.
I’ll distract him while you run. Hi, Sven’s family!
I like Josh Gad as much as the next guy, but he clearly watched too much Ice Age before making this movie. His character is a Discount Sid if I ever saw one.
Ah! Okay, well, I’m going to go.
Trolls wait just long enough to come alive for some reason so Anna can think Kristoff is crazy.
Is it the clumpy way he walks?
We came here to heal the girl who got struck by an ice blast, but sure, let’s do a quick number first. God, this ENTIRE movie only happens because NO ONE says the obvious shit they should say at the right time!
The way to fix up this fixer-upper. Is to fix him up with you!
OK, so these trolls are “love experts.” When did “saving people from icy blasts to the head” enter the picture?
Only an act of true love can fall a frozen heart.
Oh my god! Use your ice powers to make a wall of ice, and keep these guys from doing anything! Is that hard all of the sudden?
Up there, come on. We got her.
No way they ran up the stairs that fast, even in the cartoon world. They should have slipped and slid all the way up, too.
This dude just sits here and watches, not firing, while the queen slowly imprisons his buddy!
Make sure she is safe.
Hans is suddenly evil because, well, we needed another 15 minutes out of this script, and also we had two decent guys for her to fall in love with, and this way she doesn’t have to make a choice.
Also, wouldn’t it be logical for the ice-loving Kristoff to fall with the Ice Queen? Two perfect guys, two perfect girls, and the sniveling Weselton guy could have been the villain trying to overthrow Arendelle.
Instead, this movie is so focused on trying to pull the rug out from the audience and be surprising it loses common sense.
You won’t get away with this?
No, I already have.
More of those amazing doors to a common room they can lock people in from the outside… lucky Anna came to this room so Hans could begin his evil plan.
Frozen turns the “flat metal object that can open doors and start cars” into a carrot… because carrots open locked doors now.
Also, how the fuck did he know Anna was in here? Source: LYBIO.net
Also, maybe she should be dead by now? Elsa’s ice tends to move quickly, and her heart’s been frozen for days now.
Guy who wants to kill the queen just stares at her when she drops to her knees and turns her back.
Major sword delay from Hans here. That’s supposed to happen in older men.
“Act of true love” magic takes a long-ass time to start working after the actual act of true love.
You sacrificed yourself for me?
I love you.
If Maureen Johnson is suggesting the Veronica Mars what I think she is… then that beats my fan fiction and rough sketches.
Elsa, do you think maybe you could wait until we’re not standing out in the middle of a frozen lake to start thawing the whole city?
Also, Elsa masters her newfound love magic INSTANTLY. Shit, she still doesn’t know how to use her ice powers properly without killing people!
I’m calling bullshit on this “they were on a boat the whole time” nonsense here, because they are CLEARLY not on a boat back before the thawing started.
We never really got an answer on how her ice magic managed to create a sentient being. But fuck it, I guess. We’ve got ice-skating to do.
These assholes had no idea Hans had turned evil. That all happened down at the ice lake, in the middle of the blizzard they couldn’t see through… but hey, the princess just punched a dude, so yuk it up everyone!
I’m pretty sure you can’t leave your boat frozen in the middle of the lake all winter and then have it work just fine.
We’re not sure how to end this thing. Eh, just slowly pull back and swell up the music.
Also, an island kingdom, a long-unseen princess locked away, horse/reindeer playfulness, wild-scoundrel love interest… I swear to god this movie and Tangled started out as the same script.
Movie Sin tally: 96
Sentence: Death By Poison
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CinemaSins – Everything Wrong With Frozen In 10 Minutes Or Less. It’s so cold that the sun can’t melt the ice then… how is there a running stream for Anna to fall into? Film & Animation Transcript, Dialogue, Remarks, Saying, Quotes, Words And Text.