Bill Maher – Job Creators
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[William “Bill” Maher, Jr. (born January 20, 1956)] Source: LYBIO.net
Now, watching the Republican debates these last couple of months has made me realize so many truisms that I just couldn’t see before because I wasn’t giving enough respect to my money. They’ve made me see that I’m not really rich. I’m something far more noble. I’m a job creator. (angel music plays)
Sort of the same way Patagonian toothfish became Chilean sea bass. (angel music plays)
But you know what? Just by suggesting, just by bringing it up, that he is going to tax me more, Comrade Obama has created an atmosphere of uncertainty that makes me skittish about creating more jobs. Yeah. I have been so freaked out, today at breakfast, I could barely butter my gold.
You see, you poor people, you don’t get how much “uncertainty” gives us job creators the willies. It’s terrifying, like when you find out your private island has natives. Or when your wife notices the maid’s kid looks just like you. Or when the limo driver tries to start a conversation.
So tax me at a higher rate if you like. You’re practically firing yourselves. Because I’ll tell you something, I have been so shitting in my pants about this uncertainty, that yesterday I let go a dozen essential workers at my compound, including my TiVo programmer, my manscaper, the liposuctionist, my gardener’s personal trainer, my dog whisperer, the look-alike I hired to foil assassination attempts, my private farmer, the lady who dispenses the hand sanitizer after our pre-show prayer circle, the girl I pay to mistake me for Jon Hamm, and the guy who takes care of the shark tank. Which reminds me, I’m going to also have to let go two sharks. Source: LYBIO.net
But mostly I will miss Mr. Peckensniff, my marijuana valet of 28 years.
[Michael Francis Moore (born April 23, 1954)]
Aww, don’t do that. Don’t do that.
[Bill Maher] Source: LYBIO.net
I’m sorry, my friend, but from now on I’m going to have to select and roll my own. I’m joking, of course. Mr. Peckensniff has a job just as long as I am able to draw breath, and hold it, and then blow it into my dog’s face. I guess what I am saying is, the next time you hear anyone say “job creator”, I want you to picture this. (shirtless guy with ripped abs)
Look, he’s literally giving you the shirt off his front. Yes, The Situation made $5 million dollars last year, and if he has to pay a little more in taxes, it won’t mean he’s creating fewer jobs. It will mean a tiny fraction of his money actually pays for the government that works to keep him alive.
The EPA that contains his oil runoff. The Postal Service that delivers his body wax. The Bureau of Weights and Measures who weigh his dumbbells. The Centers for Disease Control that provides a steady supply of penicillin. And the military, who keep the Taliban away. Because if a single human proves that America is asking for it, you’re looking at him.
Bill Maher – Job Creators. Yesterday I let go a dozen essential workers at my compound, including my TiVo programmer, my manscaper, the liposuctionist, my gardener’s personal trainer, my dog whisperer, the look-alike I hired to foil assassination attempts, my private farmer. Complete Full Transcript, Dialogue, Remarks, Saying, Quotes, Words And Text.