Bill Burr Rants In The Park


Bill Burr Rants In The Park

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[Bill Burr Rants In The Park]

[William Frederic “Bill” Burr (born June 10, 1968):] Source:
Hi, nice to be here at the playground.

Want to thank Roger Paul for this gig. So what’s up with all of these white kids now, walking around, trying to act like they’re like gangster, rappers. It’s irritating. It’s like everywhere I go man, I figure just be here in the city, we got a good mix of people, you know – I be like in the middle of Kansas though, like the whitest state ever. There’ll be some howdy doody looking white kid like me. You know, I’m thinking this is one of my peeps, somebody I can have a conversation with and all of a sudden she’s like – Yo! What’s up kid? What’s up kid? I just want to be like nothing much Brad. You know you’re keeping it real in Wichita.

How the fuck you’re going to be a gangster in a state, say like Nebraska.

You know what you want to be like, all hardcore bunch of crop. Just saying: Yo! Shit was crazy, you know what I’m saying. Motherfucker corn was raw, Motherfucker scarecrow was tipping over and shit! You know what I’m saying, son? I just want to be like, dude you’re white. Go to The Gap, give into it. Buy some Dockers and come home.

I think I hate like 90% of the movies that are coming out right now. You know what movies really irritate me? I hate the black guy, white guy buddy movies. You know what I mean – cause they always gotta make the white guy to be like this complete nerd like; Oh! Jeez. I can’t understand the slang, slow down black guy. Then they always have the blacks guy got to be like this over the top like ridiculous, come on man, you got to loosen up, like teaches the white dude how to like, party or something. That shit never happens in real life.

You know like when I hangout with a black guy in real life, at no point, does he like try to – like try to teach me how to dance. And I don’t go to his neighborhood and like try to save a school. It just doesn’t happen. We kind of hangout, have a good time whatever. And at the end of the night, you know – we get on the subway and I get off at about 15 stops before him.

I never understood people who join the military. That’s just a horrible job. It’s like – the second you get there, some dude gets right in your face like, get off that god damn bus you piece of shit. I mean what other job is like that? You don’t get a job in a computer company and the guy is like, ‘get in that damn cubicle you fucking piece of shit’. ‘Turn on that laptop, don’t you eyeball me private’. You’re in there doing pushup. I want to build website Sir? I just think you have to be a complete idiot and a psycho to want to be in the military.

I never understood the shame of getting a hooker. People always flip out like, dude! You had to pay for it? Just like, buddy! I paid for this shirt. What would you rather pay for, a shirt or a blowjob? You know what I mean, it is a no brainer. I’m going to tell you right now, man, the only thing that stops me, is sexually transmitted diseases. If it wasn’t for like herpes and AIDS and shit like that, I’d be ordering hookers like Domino’s.

My girlfriend went to a strip club the other night, which I don’t have a problem with that, I mean she’s dating me, I know she’s got to look at something though, give her something to think about, right. The only problem I had was, she came home, she told me she touched one of the stripper’s dicks. Can you believe that ma’am? She said she touched it. So I go, what you mean you touched it? You went like that, ew, ew, what is that? She’s like, no, I kind of went like that. So I was like, what the fuck, you didn’t touch it, you stroked it.

[Bill Burr:] Source: L Y B I O . N E T
Somehow we get into this big argument about what a stroke is. She goes, no, a stroke is down… and then back up again. I go, yeah, but that was a stripper’s dick. It’s twice as big as mine. So once down is equal to down and then back up again. She tried to act like she didn’t enjoy it, but it was a great big stripper cock and I know she loved it. She definitely loved it.

I really don’t trust beautiful women. You know why? Because they’re only around when you have shit. So its like the second you get some – if you don’t have anything going on, you just like hanging out with trolls and shit, you know what I mean. But the second you get some shit going on, they come out of the woodwork like, oh my God! You have some stuff. Can you buy me some stuff? And then the second you go broke, they’re like, oh my God! I’ve left something over here. And that’s just a real fucking turn off.

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A Young Bill Burr

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