Anderson Cooper Had No Idea His ‘Ridiculist’ Was About Him
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[Anderson Cooper Had No Idea His ‘Ridiculist’ Was About Him]
Anderson Cooper: Source: LYBIO.net
Co-worker crimes, you know what I mean when people leave the break room a mess, won’t stop talking when you’re trying to work that sort of thing. One of the most egregious offenses in a shared office space is best illustrated by this video, which I actually haven’t seen before. Now, okay, that is actually my office. I did not know that. All right, I get it. It’s the candle. I have a candle burning in my office. Oh, really, this is what the Ridiculist is about tonight. I didn’t – I should have read it ahead of time.
Apparently, some of my – really – some of my co-workers do not like the way my candle smells. This is cold. And you don’t tell me. You let me read it on a teleprompter. Wow! This is news to me. This is completely news to me. Here’s another video – oh, okay, extreme close up. Isn’t that fun? These videos all were apparently taken by our executive producer who is apparently also the Fellini of surreptitious office film making. I guess this one has the white background to show how strong the smoke is that wafts from the candle into the newsroom, very clever.
Listen, first of all somebody told me that I smelled, that it was Kirk, my researcher told me that I smelled or my jeans smell because I don’t wash them. So that’s why I got the candle people. Anyway, it’s a fancy basil scented candle, I will have you know. It costs a lot. It seemed like an obscene amount of money to me for a candle as well. I don’t know if you know about candles. They seemed to cost a lot of money. I think the smell is lovely. Here now is an abbreviated list of what my co-workers say my basil candle smells like: Wow, this is just – you’re all – you’re in trouble.
Some people say it smells like grandma’s house. Some people say it smells like old mall, Italian salad, Woodstock vomit. I don’t even know what that means. And garden gnome’s underwear drawer. What?
Listen, I’ve been reading a lot about meditation lately, mindfulness and I’ve been trying it. I’m attempting to create a serene space in my office. I thought it would be a pleasant change for my co-workers, better than the smell of the rotted cheese that’s sitting out in the break table.
I get a candle and this is what happens, the staff treats me like I’m Brian Fantana, an Anchorman with the cologne.
It’s called sex panther by Odeon. It’s illegal in nine countries. Yeah, it’s made with bits of real panther, so you know it’s good.
It’s quite pungent.
It’s a formidable scent, stings the nostrils.
God, no. It smells like – like a used diaper filled with Indian food. Oh…
What is that? It smells like a turd covered in burnt hair.
Anderson Cooper: Source: LYBIO.net
It’s AC 360, right? What does the AC stand for? Oh, right, it stands for Anderson Cooper, that’s me. I don’t like to say my name out loud because that sounds like I’m a politician talking about himself in the third person. Until this program is renamed anti-candle 360, I will do whatever I want to try to create a serene friggin office environment for my co-workers and myself to enjoy. I really don’t know what they have against the scent of basil by the way. Here now are some more descriptions… some more staff descriptions of my candle.
Dumpster ravioli, Mario Batali’s Crocs. Okay, that I draw the line at. I mean those crocs must wreak and because he just needs to change his look, but there’s no way my candle smells like Mario Batali’s Crocs. Someone else said it smells like a herb garden growing in a landfill. Someone said a brothel in Tuscany. I think that was Jack Gray.
And lastly better than the jeans Anderson insists on never washing. All right, fine.
Anderson Cooper (@andersoncooper) | Twitter
Anderson Cooper Had No Idea His ‘Ridiculist’ Was About Him. Oh, really, this is what the Ridiculist is about tonight. I didn’t – I should have read it ahead of time. People & Blogs Transcript, Dialogue, Remarks, Saying, Quotes, Words And Text.