Amy Schumer Accepts GQ Woman Of the Year Award
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[Amy Schumer Accepts GQ Woman Of the Year Award]
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[Florence Welch:] Source: LYBIO.net
Hi, I’m quite nervous and I don’t usually jump at public speaking, but I just think this woman is so wonderful that I’m honored to present her with this award. To say our next winner is one of the funniest women in the world sort of misses the point she is quite simply one of the funniest people. From her seemingly honest stand-up which saw her sell out Madison Square Garden earlier this year and the O2 a few days ago. To her award winning TV show which his already spawned a string of sketches that are Instant Classics, then there is her films like The Smash Hit Trainwreck which I have seen about 17 times. And now finally there’s have a – the brilliant memoir The Girl with the Lower Back Tattoo which like is frank forthright and hilarious. GQ’s Women of The Year goes to Amy Schumer.
[Amy Beth Schumer:]
Oh, my god. You guys! GQ Men Of The Year finally we are celebrating men. [applause] So gosh, thank you for calling me a woman. This is embarrassing. I wrote a whole speech – I thought I was the Model of the Year, so this speech doesn’t even make sense. This is so exciting. This is my second time in London. The first time was last year and I got drunk in an award show and I asked if anybody was going to see the footage they said its for our archives and then I woke up in the morning and there was a viral video of me at the Glamour Awards, telling everyone that I weigh 160 pounds and can catch a dick whenever I want so… I decided to keep it a little lower key tonight just saying, like, thank you.
And you know next year, I don’t – it’s not going to go as well for me, and I won’t be at places like this, and I’ll feel forgotten and I’ll show up outside the door and I’ll be like what about me Dylan? I don’t know. That’s when you find out who your real friends are – are they editors of magazines in other countries. I don’t know.
Are they? Right they are, right? [applause] It’s just so different here are you guys. You guys say  like it’s not a big deal. You know guys can be  you know so I’m going to try to bring that to the States just everyone’s going to be  from now on.
I really want to thank my manager, my publicist Gary Bilek who is gotten me through the last two years, in rooms like this that bring out all my insecurities and a lot of rage.
I want to thank Bear Grylls who I hung out last night we did the Jonathan Ross Show – tune in. Where I found out that Bear will eat literally anything. [applause]
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And before I leave, I just want to say that. I’m really honored to be included in this and I hope you guys will go to my website and look at my merchandise. I have T-shirts and sweat shirt but the zipper breaks but I want you guys to know that a lot of the things you hear up here tonight will just be lies. And people will try and say the right things that you like them or they can get more work but I want you to go home knowing that this is the truth. Patrick Stewart has cummed all over my tits, more times than even he remembers. Michael Caine don’t look away. Look at me, sir. Sir. Please make eye contact with me that’d be really great, you guys if you could just kind of keep it up here this is – I’m never going to be invited back here so let’s like just kind of embrace this moment.
When you cum all over. First of all you go, ‘oh, you ask the question, right?’ Where should I cum right you ask us that and where we go. Oh, thank you for thinking of me or you know whatever and then – and then it’s like what are the options if you’re lying on your back. It’s like your face. No.
No, I have a good relationship with my dad. [laughing] Your stomach yawn, right? You say; My Tits! And then Patrick cums all over your tits and you walk out of the room. Guys don’t know we do this but you have to make like kind of a shelf so it doesn’t fall – kind of a. You make a shelf.
It’s the saddest shelf in the world.
[Amy Schumer:] Source: L Y B I O . N E T
I just went to the Anne Frank house and I can safely still say; it’s the saddest shelf in the world. And as an avid Trump supporter, um… uh… I just I really want to thank you guys it’s been such a pleasure. And I’m – I am honored and thank you, Florence and Stanley and Carrie I love you and Dad, I love you. Thanks Dylan. Bye guys.
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