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Ellen DeGeneres – Tulane Commencement 2009

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[Ellen DeGeneres – Tulane Commencement 2009]

[Scott Cowen:] Source: LYBIO.net
How does one introduce a woman who is on the first name basis with the world. Mention that Ellen is speaking at your ceremony and everyone instantly knows to whom you’re referring. Yet, one feels compelled to mention her 12 Emmy’s, her hosting the Academy Awards, her career as a stand-up comedian, and her daily hosting of an award winning TV Series The Ellen DeGeneres Show. And of course her dancing. Most recently her career has turned even more glamorous as the new face of Cover Girl Cosmetics. But I want you to flashback to 2006 with me. Tulane’s ceremony after Katrina, our speakers where President’s George H.W. Bush and Bill Clinton. The atmosphere in the arena is electric with excitement. The flash bulbs are popin’ and the graduates are gleeful. Who would dare follow that? Ellen strolls in at the end as a surprise wearing a hotel bathrobe and with a 3 minute talk steals the show. Ever since each graduating class when asked who to select a speaker says we want Ellen back. And I’m here to tell you – you came back and Ellen came back – please join me welcome Ellen DeGeneres.

[Ellen DeGeneres:] Source: LYBIO.net
Oh boy, thank you so much, thank you so much. Thank you, President Cowan, Mrs. President Cowen; distinguished guests, undistinguished guests – you know who you are, honored faculty and creepy Spanish teacher. So and thank you to all the graduating class of 2009, I realize most of you are hungover and have splitting headaches and haven’t slept since Fat Tuesday, but you can’t graduate ’til I finish, so listen up.

[Ellen DeGeneres:]
When I was asked to make the commencement speech, I immediately said yes. Then I went to look up what commencement meant. Which would have been easy if I had a dictionary, but most of the books in our house are Portia’s, and they’re all written in Australian.

So I had to break the word down myself, to find out the meaning. Commencement: common, and cement. Common cement. You commonly see cement on sidewalks. Sidewalks have cracks, and if you step on a crack, you break your mother’s back. So there’s that. But I’m honored that you’ve asked me here to speak at your common cement.

I thought that you had to be a famous alumnus – alumini – aluminum – alumis – you had to graduate from this school. And I didn’t go to college here, and as I don’t know if President Cowan knows, I didn’t go to any college at all. Any college. And I’m not saying you wasted your time, or money, but look at me, I’m a huge celebrity.

Although I did graduate from the school of hard knocks, our mascot was the knockers. I spent a lot of time here growing up. My mom worked at Nucomb (ph) and I would go there every time I needed to steal something out of her purse. But why am I here today? Clearly not to steal, you’re too far away and I’d never get away with it. I’m here because of you. Because I can’t think of a more tenacious, more courageous graduating class. I mean, look at you all, wearing your robes. Usually when you’re wearing a robe at 10 in the morning, it means you’ve given up.

I’m here because I love New Orleans. I was born and raised here, I spent my formative years here, and like you, while I was living here I only did laundry six times.

When I finished school, I was completely lost. And by school, I mean middle school, but I went ahead and finished high school anyway. And I – I really, I had no ambition, I didn’t know what I wanted to do. I did everything from – I shucked oysters, I was a hostess, I was a bartender, I was a waitress, I painted houses, I sold vacuum cleaners, I had no idea. And I thought I’d just finally settle in some job, and I would make enough money to pay my rent, maybe have basic cable, maybe not, I didn’t really have a plan, my point is that, by the time I was your age, I really thought I knew who I was, but I had no idea. Like for example, when I was your age, I was dating men. So what I’m saying is, when you’re older, most of you will be gay.

Is anyone writing this stuff down? Parents?

Anyway, I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life, and the way I ended up on this path was from a very tragic event. I was maybe 19, and my girlfriend at the time was killed in a car accident. And I passed the accident, and I didn’t know it was her and I kept going, and I found out shortly after that it was her.

And I was living in a basement apartment, I had no money, I had no heat, no air, I had a mattress on the floor and the apartment was infested with fleas. And I was soul-searching, I was like, why is she suddenly gone, and there are fleas here? I don’t understand, there must be a purpose, and wouldn’t it be so convenient if we could pick up the phone and call God, and ask these questions. And I started writing and what poured out of me was an imaginary conversation with God, which was one-sided, and I finished writing it and I looked at it and I said to myself, and I hadn’t even been doing stand-up, ever, there was no club in town. I said, “I’m gonna do this on the Tonight Show With Johnny Carson” – at the time he was the king – “and I’m gonna be the first woman in the history of the show to be called over to sit down.” And several years later, I was the first woman in the history of the show, and only woman in the history of the show to sit down, because of that phone conversation with God that I wrote.

And I started this path of stand-up and it was successful and it was great, but it was hard, because I was trying to please everybody and I had this secret that I was keeping, that I was gay. And I thought if people found out they wouldn’t like me, they wouldn’t laugh at me.

Then my career turned into – I got my own sitcom, and um, that was very successful, another level of success. And I thought, what if they find out I’m gay, then they’ll never watch, and um, this was a long time ago, you probably – this was when we just had white presidents – but anyway – this was back, many years ago – and I finally decided that I was living with so much shame, and so much fear, that I just couldn’t live that way anymore, and I decided to come out and make it creative. And my character would come out at the same time, and it wasn’t to make a political statement, it wasn’t to do anything other than to free myself up from this heaviness that I was carrying around, and I just wanted to be honest.

And I thought, “What’s the worst that could happen? I can lose my career”. I did. I lost my career. I got – The show was cancelled after six years, without even telling me, I read it in the paper. The phone didn’t ring for three years. I had no offers. Nobody wanted to touch me at all. Um, and yet, I was getting letters from kids that almost committed suicide, but didn’t, because of what I did. And I realized that I had a purpose. And it wasn’t just about me and it wasn’t about celebrity, but I felt like I was being punished and it was a bad time, I was angry, I was sad, and then I was offered a Talkshow. And the people that offered me the Talkshow tried to sell it. And most stations didn’t want to pick it up. Most people didn’t want to buy it because they thought nobody would watch me.

Really when I look back on it, I wouldn’t change a thing. I mean, it was so important for me to lose everything because I found out what – what the most important thing is, is to be true to yourself. Ultimately, that’s what’s gotten me to this place. I don’t live in fear, I’m free, I have no secrets. And I know I’ll always be ok, because no matter what, I know who I am.

So In conclusion, when I was younger I thought success was something different. I thought when I grow up, I want to be famous. I want to be a star. I want to be in movies. When I grow up I want to see the world, drive nice cars, I want to have groupies. To quote the Pussycat Dolls. How many people thought it was “boobies”, by the way? It’s not, it’s “groupies”.

But my idea of success is different today. And as you grow, you’ll realize the definition of success changes. For many of you, today, success is being able to hold down 20 shots of tequila.

For me, the most important thing in your life is to live your life with integrity, and not to give into peer pressure. to try to be something that you’re not. To live your life as an honest and compassionate person. To contribute in some way.

So to conclude my conclusion: follow your passion, stay true to yourself. Never follow anyone else’s path, unless you’re in the woods and you’re lost and you see a path, and by all means you should follow that.

Um, don’t give advice, it will come back and bite you in the ass. Don’t take anyone’s advice. So my advice to you is to be true to yourself and everything will be fine.

And I know that a lot of you are concerned about your future, but there’s no need to worry. The economy is booming, the job market is wide open, the planet is just fine. It’s gonna be great. You’ve already survived a hurricane. What else can happen to you?

And as I mentioned before, some of the most devastating things that happen to you will teach you the most. And now you know the right questions to ask in your first job interview. Like, “Is it above sea level?”

So to conclude my conclusion that I’ve previously concluded, in the common cement speech, I guess what I’m trying to say is life is like one big Mardi Gras. But instead of showing your boobs, show people your brain, and if they like what they see, you’ll have more beads than you know what to do with. And you’ll be drunk, most of the time.

So the Katrina class of 2009, I say congratulations and if you don’t remember a thing I said today, remember this: you’re gonna be ok, dum de dum dum dum, just dance.

[Lady Gaga – Just Dance – Featuring – Colby O’Donis]

[Chorus:]
Just dance. Gonna be okay.
Da-doo-doo-doo
Just dance. Spin that record babe.
Da-doo-doo-doo
Just dance. Gonna be okay.
Duh-duh-duh-duh
Dance. Dance. Dance. Just dance.

Wish I could shut my playboy mouth.
How’d I turn my shirt inside out, inside out right.
Control your poison babe
“Roses have thorns,” they say.
And we’re all gettin’ hosed tonight.
What’s going on on the floor?
I love this record baby, but I can’t see straight anymore.
Keep it cool what’s the name of this club?
I can’t remember but it’s alright, alright.

[Chorus:]
Just dance. Gonna be okay.
Da-doo-doo-doo
Just dance. Spin that record babe.
Da-doo-doo-doo
Just dance. Gonna be okay.

[Scott Cowen:] Source: LYBIO.net
You stay right here with me. Don’t go away cause you got a lot to do here. You stay right here.

[Scott Cowen:]
Each year we give on Tulane President’s Medal to an extraordinary person someone who does three things, one is that they speak at our Commencement. #2 they have a distinguished career, someone who we admire and has something to teach us as you taught us today and third someone who has done something extraordinary for the City of New Orleans, prior winners of the medal have…

Ellen DeGeneres – Tulane Commencement 2009. Follow your passion, stay true to yourself. Never follow anyone else’s path, unless you’re in the woods and you’re lost and you see a path. Complete Speech Transcript, Dialogue, Remarks, Saying, Quotes, Words And Text.

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